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San Diego's Coach-Provocateur Responds to Jets Coach's Claim That if He'd Gotten Chargers Job, He Would Have "A Couple of Rings" By Now

"I don't wish to be indelicate, but there is such a thing as foreplay."

THE INNER SANCTUM OF TURNER'S PRIVATE FOLLY, TWO-THIRDS OF THE WAY THROUGH A BOTTLE OF 1863 MADEIRA - "I mean, really," confided Turner, shaking his head over Ryan's statement that the Chargers were "loaded." "He sounds like the former high-school quarterback, now middle-aged and holding forth in the local watering hole, wondering how the class nerd ever managed to marry the Homecoming Queen. He bellows his incomprehension: 'If I were her husband, she'd have a couple of kids by now. I mean, that chick was loaded.' That sort of thing. Alas, such a bull-headed sort of man will never understand the finer points of courtship and romance - which is why he never got the girl in the first place."

Turner paused, as if assessing this reporter's ability to comprehend the nuance and subtlety of his argument, then pressed on despite his obvious misgivings. "A coach's relationship with his team's fans is not some workaday coupling - you get 17 Sundays a year together, hopefully two or three more, and that's it. Fans are often faithful, but atop that bedrock fidelity, there is an ever-shifting landscape of emotional terrain. It's not unlike the sands of a desert, forever being shifted this way and that by the caprice of the wind. Or like a temperamental lover, one prone to forget yesterday's caresses in the light of today's breakdown in the red zone."

"With such a lover," continued Turner, "your approach in pursuit of so precious a prize as a Super Bowl ring requires the utmost delicacy and care. I'm not sure Coach Ryan understands that. It's probably for the best that he's coaching in the land of Snooki."

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4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
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