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Protest Movement Finds Plenty to Protest Over Chai Lattes

"When the revolution comes, there will be no wi-fi. Until then..."

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WAITING IN LINE FOR AN OVERPRICED COFFEE-RELATED BEVERAGE - Occupy San Diego, the San Diego-based offshoot of the Occupy Wall Street movement to protest corporate malfeasance and general douchebaggery, today decided to move its base of operations into a College Area Starbucks.

"The move makes sense on several levels," said OSD organizer Levi "Lefty" Ledbetter. "First, Starbucks represents the insidious creep of corporate hegemony better than just about anybody else. I mean, when Wal-Mart comes to town and starts destroying local businesses by undercutting prices, people notice. They complain. Sometimes, they even manage to stop the madness, or at least hold it at bay. But Starbucks? Starbucks opens up across the street from a local, established coffee shop, and nobody makes a peep. Four months later, the local joint is shuttered, everybody's buying Starbucks' more expensive, crappier product, and all the profits are headed out of the community and up to Seattle."

Second, said Ledbetter, "it's a great place to get the word out. Lots of people coming in and out, many of them with a few minutes to stop and listen to our irrefutable reasoning about why they should join us in rising up against the one percent."

And third, "it's a pretty comfortable place to be. There's good seating, and nice lighting, and of course, wi-fi. If you're going to organize a movement these days, you've got to be online."

Store Manager Gerald Fitzler admitted that the presence of the protestors had caused some logistical difficulties. "Sometimes, they try to stay in one spot for more than three hours without making an additional purchase - even if it's just a refill on their soy frippery shake. But I called corporate about procedure, and you know, those guys are all about the counterculture. So we're letting them camp out, basically. Plus, they really like to drink coffee - sales are through the roof. I've had to hire extra staff. In a small way, we're helping to rebuild the economy right here, together."

Comments
8

You are kidding right? The "facts" of this article are disturbing. First I'm a big promoter of buying local to save our economies. Starbucks is counter culture? Please, Starbucks is today's culture. Nothing counter about it but the one they use to serve drinks. Want a great place to organize and drink your coffee while supporting the local economy? Try a local spot like you stated.

This demonstrates the need for honest economics education in our schools and the problem with protesters who know nothing about economics. Go to a place they are against, tell everyone how nice it is and then buy their products while you sit there protesting resulting in their need to hire more people because sales are off the charts.

Is this really a Free Starbucks ad in the reader?

Oct. 5, 2011

Does this help you out: BLOGS | ALMOST FACTUAL NEWS ?

(Hint - it's called satire)

Oct. 5, 2011

Duhbya and WM - my apologies. I just read the article and not the column title. I clicked a link to the article from "Google News" mistakenly thinking it was linking me to a news article. Of course that is the other problem. "Google News" links are more often to opinions rather than REAL news. Should change it to "Google Opinion" I've heard drivel from protesters and pundits that follow the logic of the article, that is what made it so believable. Anyway, guess I bit on that one and that is no ones fault but mine. Touche!

Oct. 5, 2011

Don't feel apologetic. This satire is so good that it often seems more real than reality. Mencken is a satyric genius. I don't know where/how the Reader found him/her, but it was a coup.

Oct. 5, 2011

Very kind of you, Visduh. I'll try to keep finding the news you won't find anywhere else.

Oct. 5, 2011

hahahahahahahahahaha...yep it b satire!!

Oct. 6, 2011

As a former San Diegan here in Seattle, downtown has Starbucks, Tully's Seattle's Best and independent coffee houses on just about every block and corner. I'm surprised there is no Tully's in S. D. They have the BEST coffee.

Oct. 6, 2011

I think there are a few Tully's here, but they are not on what seems like every corner as are Starbuckarroos.

Oct. 8, 2011

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