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Choke and a Bluecoat Shot
It's not a matter of me wanting to "control" a cat. It's the fact that they're stupid animals to have as pets. Don't make me name all the reasons. You know them. Cats...like Judi Dench says in Notes on a Scandal, or "standard issue for old, lonely spinsters with no life."— October 10, 2008 11:30 p.m.
Dear Flabby
I had a pair of poon wrangler jeans once. That's funny cardig. It reminds me of a woman named Sonia, that works at one of the local post offices. She told me about buying tickets for her family, to Cancun. Her husband then said "Oh man, we forgot...that's the same day as [insert sons name here]birthday." She said, "So what. We'll buy cake and celebrate it in Cancun." Their family had a blast. Next year, their kid said "Can we have my birthday party in Cancun again?" The child went on to tell his friends, how his parents took the family to Cancun to celebrate his birthday. They thought that worked out very well. And you know...I actually don't mind going to a friends party for their kid. I enjoy hanging with my friends, eating BBQ, all that stuff. But, if you don't go, then they act like you just insulted them or something. People with kids have to realize, the world (for them) may revolve around their kids. But, if it ain't interesting for me, I ain't going. I had this friend Bill. We're not close anymore. He's kind of a jerk to everyone. Even his wife and immediate family. But...I'll never forget when one of his kids was almost two years old. I had stopped over and he was so proud. I asked why and he said how his daughter kept putting her stuffed animals in the toilet. I asked why he was proud of that. And, he thought it took a lot of intelligence to go into the bathroom, open the lid, and place them in the toilet. I had to tell him about how Bill Cosby does a routine, about how proud he was when his son first started pooping, and he'd show everyone the dirty diaper. He didn't get the point. Now, when that same child, a few months later, wanted to watch a Disney DVD, and stood on pillows to try to get taller and put it in the VCR...that was cute. But, geez, parents. Get a damn clue on what is interesting/cute, when it comes to your kids.— October 10, 2008 11:28 p.m.
Red Red Vines
Super Size Me was a great documentary. But not very fair to Mickey D's. In fact, his documentary had some problems. I mean, he gained 25 pounds in a month, but it wasn't just eating McDonald's 3 times a day. He stopped all his regular exercising. So, what did he REALLY prove? The obvious! I gotta support the place I worked at all thru high school! You can eat healthy there. They have salads. Since I don't drink diet soda (I should), it's interesting to know there's a difference. If I order a Coke at a restaurant, and they say "is Pepsi okay?" I always want to joke and say "No, it's not." Now I see, that wouldn't even be a funny joke, since some people probably do. You guys are insane. Red licorice rules! I once ticked off a girlfriend, showing her in the movies how a red vine can be used like a straw. She said, "Yeah, I know. Big deal." So, to act like a little kid, I said "I'll prove it to you." I bit off the end of a red vine, and she starts saying "You better not put that in my soda." I then took her straw, threw it on the ground, and put the red vine in. Wow...she blew up! It was great. And a delicious straw!— October 10, 2008 11:20 p.m.
Jitterbuggers
My girlfriend says she wastes 1:49 of her life, when we get romantic!— October 10, 2008 11:15 p.m.
Hello, Newman. Goodbye, Paul.
I never met him. I saw his partner in crime, Robert Redford, at a theatre in...I believe it was Horton Plaza, for a movie he directed and was screening. He looked like he wanted to be left alone. So, I did just that. Some guy was walking out and said "Hey there, Bob!" He just kinda shrunk in his seat as he nodded.— October 8, 2008 9:55 p.m.
Dear Flabby
I totally agree, anti. Also, a lot of women just want someone to "talk to". That, meaning, any form of "communication". Even if that's just email or letters, to a prisoner. And, a real guy, might just ignore her or ask for a beer while he's watching Sports Center. A guy in jail has no choice but to listen to her problems. Insane. I was going to do a story for the Reader once, but when I met with the person working at the prison, he didn't have much to say on the matter. It was when that guy shot up the Santee school. He told me he had all this inside dope on the kid. He was making paper...oh dang, what's the word? Animals out of paper. He was getting lots of love letters, and answering them all, and rather enjoying himself in prison. Amazing that women will flock to these people. The guy also told me, the kid was under 18...and many of these women were a lot older. So, I'm not even sure of the legality of that. I guess if they're just exchanging letters, not much anyone can do about it.— October 8, 2008 9:53 p.m.
Saddle Up
Good call, Duncan. Those two actors scenes together are great. Aside from the great writing, the fact that J.K. Simmons DOESN'T act all that bothered by these updates, is even better. In a movie that wouldn't be written as well, he'd just be getting angry and yelling. When in actuality, someone in that high of a position of authority, would be interested in all this craziness going on (even if he can't make heads or tails of it). And, David Rasches character is also well written, for the fact that he isn't some doofus that isn't sure of what he's telling J.K. He always tells him EXACTLY what has happened, without editorializing or stating the obsurdity of it. He leaves that for J.K., his boss.— October 8, 2008 9:50 p.m.
None
Oops! I had two mistakes in here. Mia isn't a murialist. Her profession had something to do with skin care. And James was a mechanic, not a model. Those were the professions of people that were in an earlier Off the Cuff, that I use as a template type of thing, to type over, when I get knew answers with a new question. Sorry for the error.— October 8, 2008 9:46 p.m.
Roller Derby Is Crack (and Cracked Bones)
The only time I ever thought about having a girlfriend wear roller skates, was after I saw Boogie Nights, and Roller Girl.— October 7, 2008 1:53 a.m.
Hello, Newman. Goodbye, Paul.
What were your favorite films of his, anti?— October 7, 2008 1:52 a.m.