July 1, 2016
Almost Factual News
Midwest metropolis cedes iconic status to San Diego
Members of the victorious 2016 Cavaliers basketball team do their best to ignore the gnawing emptiness tearing at their souls as they arrive in Cleveland following a thrilling seven-game NBA Finals against the Golden State …
June 25, 2016
San Diego Bishop takes a moment to express his solidarity with LGBTQI community
On June 19, the Global Network of Rainbow Catholics posted an online petition at change.org to express “sorrow and solidarity with the LGBTQI community in the United States” following the horrific shooting by Muslim Omar …
June 24, 2016
Trump dismisses San Diego-based lawsuit, citing primacy of “showbiz” over “regular biz”
FEDERAL COURTHOUSE, SAN DIEGO — “Politics is show business, people,” said Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump at this morning's press conference. “It has been ever since the Lincoln-Douglas debates, and probably before that. All this …
June 18, 2016
Rapper Snoop Dogg defends lousy first pitch at Padres game
Rap legend Snoop Dogg threw out the first pitch for the Padres June 8 home game against the Atlanta Braves, though calling it a “pitch” might be a bit generous: the ball sailed so far …
June 16, 2016
Visiting professor complains about San Diego State mascot’s pregame ritual sacrifices
Everybody loves it when Monty the Montezuma plunges his blade into the chest of an opposing team’s mascot and extracts the sometimes-still-beating heart. Everybody, that is, except San Diego State visiting professor Sogy Sponge. Sponge …
June 12, 2016
Local company celebrates Hillary Clinton’s selection as the first female robot presidential candidate
“Hillary Clinton’s selection as the Democratic candidate for President is now as certain as the replacement of humanity by robots,” says Brain Corporation Chief Communications Officer Sarah Brum. “So, in a way, it’s totally fitting …
June 11, 2016
San Diego Chargers twist language in unpredictable ways
“Convadium,” crooned my partner in gadabouting Pemberton Throckmorton III, drawing out the “a” and lingering just a moment on the “m.” “Just listen to it! It’s the space of the future! What can’t you do …
June 8, 2016
Farting clowns make big stink
“Here at the San Diego Padres,” says the team’s Executive Chairfellow Ron Fouler, "we’ve always believed in the healing power of humor. I mean, can you think of another Major League Baseball outfit that’s had …
June 4, 2016
Police beat back angry mob from barrier wall at downtown Trump rally
“If those people wanted to come in,” says Trump supporter Guy Oldman, "they could have applied for entry passes like the rest of us. Instead, they’re showing complete disregard for the law by trying to …
June 3, 2016