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Visiting professor complains about San Diego State mascot’s pregame ritual sacrifices

"That’s racist murderous.”

Tradition vs. progress? Sponge has suggested that time-honored events like the Homecoming Halftime Slaughter, when the great pyramid of Qualcomm runs red with the blood of fans lucky enough to be chosen for the sacrifice, run counter to modern notions of morality and justice, and “should maybe be re-examined in the light of broader cultural standards than those normally applied to collegiate athletics.” But critics were skeptical. “What’s next?” asked longtime Aztec fan Bud Light, “the revoking of the traditional right of Division I athletes to enjoy congress with whatever coeds they desire? Last time I checked, this was America and this was football. Philosophical questions like Sponge's have no place in a collegiate atmosphere, at least not outside the classroom."
Tradition vs. progress? Sponge has suggested that time-honored events like the Homecoming Halftime Slaughter, when the great pyramid of Qualcomm runs red with the blood of fans lucky enough to be chosen for the sacrifice, run counter to modern notions of morality and justice, and “should maybe be re-examined in the light of broader cultural standards than those normally applied to collegiate athletics.” But critics were skeptical. “What’s next?” asked longtime Aztec fan Bud Light, “the revoking of the traditional right of Division I athletes to enjoy congress with whatever coeds they desire? Last time I checked, this was America and this was football. Philosophical questions like Sponge's have no place in a collegiate atmosphere, at least not outside the classroom."
San Diego State mascot “Monty” Montezuma bears aloft the freshly harvested heart of Cowboy Joe [in background, bleeding and dead], mascot for the Aztecs' Mountain West Conference rival the University of Wyoming. In keeping with the ancient Aztec tradition of “feeding the gods” with sacrificed flesh, the heart is flash-fried and then fed to members of the men’s basketball team immediately prior to tip-off. “The sun god Tezcatlipoca needed nourishment to raise the sun each morning, and [San Diego State center Valentine] Izundu needs nourishment to jump up and touch the orange orb lofted toward heaven by the referee,” explains team trainer Verne Beefcheeks. “And just as the Aztecs would sometimes go to war precisely to obtain victims for sacrifice, so our boys go up against rivals like the Cowboys to ensure the health and prosperity of our entire athletic program. It all makes sense.”

Everybody loves it when Monty the Montezuma plunges his blade into the chest of an opposing team’s mascot and extracts the sometimes-still-beating heart.

Everybody, that is, except San Diego State visiting professor Sogy Sponge.

Sponge says that the act has its roots in “an earlier age, when human life was cheap and bloodshed was the standard method of appeasing the gods who governed nearly every aspect of daily life. To perpetuate the practice in 2016 is little short of barbarous. Some people might even call it murder."

San Diego State President Eliot Hirshman has released a statement in response to Sponge, which reads in part: “The university went through a broad, thoughtful, and thorough purpose in 2000-2003 to study, discuss, and revise the mascot in a manner that is a fitting and appropriate affiliation with Aztec culture and history. That process — led by a task force of faculty, staff, alumni and experts in Aztec culture — provided important guidelines on how to represent Aztec traditions.”

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Tradition vs. progress? Sponge has suggested that time-honored events like the Homecoming Halftime Slaughter, when the great pyramid of Qualcomm runs red with the blood of fans lucky enough to be chosen for the sacrifice, run counter to modern notions of morality and justice, and “should maybe be re-examined in the light of broader cultural standards than those normally applied to collegiate athletics.” But critics were skeptical. “What’s next?” asked longtime Aztec fan Bud Light, “the revoking of the traditional right of Division I athletes to enjoy congress with whatever coeds they desire? Last time I checked, this was America and this was football. Philosophical questions like Sponge's have no place in a collegiate atmosphere, at least not outside the classroom."
Tradition vs. progress? Sponge has suggested that time-honored events like the Homecoming Halftime Slaughter, when the great pyramid of Qualcomm runs red with the blood of fans lucky enough to be chosen for the sacrifice, run counter to modern notions of morality and justice, and “should maybe be re-examined in the light of broader cultural standards than those normally applied to collegiate athletics.” But critics were skeptical. “What’s next?” asked longtime Aztec fan Bud Light, “the revoking of the traditional right of Division I athletes to enjoy congress with whatever coeds they desire? Last time I checked, this was America and this was football. Philosophical questions like Sponge's have no place in a collegiate atmosphere, at least not outside the classroom."
San Diego State mascot “Monty” Montezuma bears aloft the freshly harvested heart of Cowboy Joe [in background, bleeding and dead], mascot for the Aztecs' Mountain West Conference rival the University of Wyoming. In keeping with the ancient Aztec tradition of “feeding the gods” with sacrificed flesh, the heart is flash-fried and then fed to members of the men’s basketball team immediately prior to tip-off. “The sun god Tezcatlipoca needed nourishment to raise the sun each morning, and [San Diego State center Valentine] Izundu needs nourishment to jump up and touch the orange orb lofted toward heaven by the referee,” explains team trainer Verne Beefcheeks. “And just as the Aztecs would sometimes go to war precisely to obtain victims for sacrifice, so our boys go up against rivals like the Cowboys to ensure the health and prosperity of our entire athletic program. It all makes sense.”

Everybody loves it when Monty the Montezuma plunges his blade into the chest of an opposing team’s mascot and extracts the sometimes-still-beating heart.

Everybody, that is, except San Diego State visiting professor Sogy Sponge.

Sponge says that the act has its roots in “an earlier age, when human life was cheap and bloodshed was the standard method of appeasing the gods who governed nearly every aspect of daily life. To perpetuate the practice in 2016 is little short of barbarous. Some people might even call it murder."

San Diego State President Eliot Hirshman has released a statement in response to Sponge, which reads in part: “The university went through a broad, thoughtful, and thorough purpose in 2000-2003 to study, discuss, and revise the mascot in a manner that is a fitting and appropriate affiliation with Aztec culture and history. That process — led by a task force of faculty, staff, alumni and experts in Aztec culture — provided important guidelines on how to represent Aztec traditions.”

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This is a joke, right. If not, I'm guessing that he or she is not a history professor. While we're at it, let's ban all violent movies, books and don't even get me started on Musicals like Sweeney Todd!

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June 13, 2016

Mencken is the Reader's longtime satirist. Most readers know that by now.

June 13, 2016

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