Worshiping at the altar of Hope.

This should have been my first post when I began working at The Reader over a decade ago. The facts were made known to me by the brilliant Jennifer DeSplinter, a former student who, after reading a series of letters published in Harper’s, discovered the root of my unhealthy preoccupation with Bob “Subdural Haematoma” Hope. For years, I had misplaced the vital documents I am about to detail. I pray that it’s not too late to help others affected by the traumatic brain injuries heaped upon them by Hope.

God bless Sally Fox. Were it not for her brave disclosures, who knows how many others might never have been made aware of the true source behind their acquired brain injury. To this day, years after his death, Bob Hope continues to interfere with the thought patterns of millions worldwide, myself included. A high level industry source confirms that all of the video releases of Hope’s film and television work are electronically encoded with telekinetic thought transponders. These invisible carriers not only assault the memories of those who purchase and download the videos, but all who enter their domiciles as well.

"Hey! When I hired Dali to paint my portrait, I thought it was Carol Channing."

The man is indeed more dangerous dead than he ever was alive. Mr. Hope was set to leave us in January of 2001 after helping to inaugurate the second reign of the antiChrist, but was kept alive until after war was waged against Iraq. (President Bush declared war on March 18, 2003 and Mr. Hope was taken from us on July 23, 2003.) Am I the only conspiracy theorist who finds it odd that “Hope” and “Atta” have 4 letters in their last names, or that Bob had a secretary named Kennedy and Muhammad’s secretary was named Lincoln? Coincidence? I think not.

Thanks to Ms. Fox, it’s been over 30 years since I last uttered the comedian’s name without an adjectival “violently insane” to qualify it. Turns out the joke’s on me. Recent findings reveal funnyman Hope and Uncle Sam did indeed join forces in an experiment to combine entertainment with thought control. Idn’t dat nutty?

Bob Hope, Madman

The following correspondence was brought to light by Harper’s in December of 1991. They detail the acute anoxia and intracranial pressure Ms. Fox underwent after seven years’ worth of exposure to Bob Hope TV specials. Some may ask, why not change the channel or unplug the set? We can’t. The power of Hope compels us.

Ms. Fox’s first plea for help was addressed to the investigative reporting staff of CBS News, NBC news, ABC News, CNN, 60 Minutes, United Press International, and The National Enquirer, which surprisingly refused to run with it.

This is your brain on Hope.

June 17, 1988

Gentlemen,

I am involved in a phenomenal situation which I believe merits investigation.

The whole thing started about seven years ago when I began to “see” Bob Hope (the comedian) when I would close my eyes and concentrate. Through study, I learned that the reason I could “see” Bob Hope was because he is violently insane and uses abnormal thinking processes which introject and project others’ egos.

When this problem began, besides worrying about my mental health, I also felt that my civil rights were being violated by another person’s insanity, so I began to write letters to the FBI. At first, the FBI thought I was crazy, but a year or so later, the FBI told me that they had been getting 800 to 900 complaints a day from people all around the country saying the same thing I was: Bob Hope is crazy and interferes with their normal thinking. The FBI told me they were investigating.

I told the FBI agent, and I am telling the press, that I believe, as a victim of this situation, that nothing will ever come of the investigation because Bob Hope is Ronald Reagan’s friend, and should it ever be proven that Bob Hope is insane, the President’s reputation would be at stake.

Because the FBI seems to be participating in a cover-up, I am begging the press to get involved.

Thousands of people are suffering, and we need help.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Sally Fox

It was Hope's desire to build his own militia as early as 1947, until a call from Senator Joseph McCarthy made the entertainer think twice.

April 6, 1990

Dear President Bush,

On November 13, 1989, I sent you correspondence concerning Bob Hope, the comedian, and his insanity, which affects thousands of American people.

Evidently you do not care to have this problem exposed, probably because Bob Hope was a major contributor to your campaign. I believe you are participating in a cover-up of this situation. You promised a kindler and gentler government, but instead you are hiding the facts. People like you and Ronald Reagan break the laws of the land and ignore the complaints of thousands of people to protect Bob Hope so that he can remain a hero and contributor. His insanity is detrimental to the general psychological mood of the nation.

Allowing Bob Hope to abuse people’s thinking is not in the best interest of the American people. You cannot continue to ignore and cover up the complaints of thousands. You will be exposed eventually. Therefore, I suggest that you open up an investigation and allow American citizens to think freely and without the interference of a very old, not so funny, violently insane psychopath, Bob Hope.

Yours truly,

Sally Fox

Ms. Fox’s pleas were first acknowledged by the wife of a former House majority leader.

May 2, 1990

Dear Ms. Fox,

This will acknowledge receipt and thank you for the recent correspondence concerning Bob Hope. You will be pleased to know that I have already contacted appropriate officials on your behalf.

Naturally, I will be in touch with you again as soon as I hear from them. In the meantime, please know of my continuing interest in this matter.

My kindest regards.

Sincerely,

Lindy (Mrs. Hale) Boggs

House of Representatives, Second District, Louisiana

Ms. Fox was not the only voice crying out in a wilderness of misguided people, bamboozled by a cue card-powered Svengali. These last two letters are a much needed exchange between Mr. Fox and a woman from Bergen, New York whose name was withheld.

August 1991

Dear Ms. Fox,

I was recently visiting a local college and I was describing to a friend the rather odd things (all involving Bob Hope) which seem to be happening to me. Amazingly, someone nearby overheard our conversation and recommended that I contact you.

I understand that you too have experienced these thought disturbances, and I would like to know what you experience (hearing voices, seeing “visions” or other strange images, etc.) Also, I would like more information about Bob Hope’s form of insanity. I am very relieved to learn that I am not the only person facing this problem!

Thank you very much for taking the time to read my letter.

Sincerely,

X

Hope's experiments in mind control extended well into the 1970s.

August 19, 1991

Dear X,

I read with amazement your letter concerning Bob Hope, madman. I, like you, am relieved to know that I am not the only person who will admit to this problem.

I have so much to tell you. I have been fighting this problem for the last thirteen years and, frankly, was just about ready to give up. Your letter inspired me to continue my struggle. I can’t explain everything in a letter - I don’t know where to begin. Please call me and I will be more than happy to tell you about my whole ordeal,

In the meantime, remember you are not alone and, yes, Bob Hope is violently insane.

Sincerely,

Sally Fox

For over three decades, I have spread the name of Sally Fox through every Middlesex village and farm in a desperate attempt to make hers a household name. A blind item on the highly addictive dirt-dishing blog Crazy Days and Crazy Nights shed blinding-light on her theories: “The CIA and MI-6 wanted to see if they could combine entertainment with mind control. They brought in acts that would specialize in hypnosis, and then [Hope] would use key words during the show to try and reinforce what the hypnotist had said. This literally went on for twenty years. They would use the women in the show and have them meet with the soldiers in small groups of ten and see if they reacted to the code words… There must have been some success for the government to keep doing it.”

Hey! Thanks for the memory control!