The Swinging Sister, new mascot for San Diego’s baseball team, rechristened from Padres to Drag Queens. Explained Padres owner Ken Craven: “After the city changed its name, it really didn’t make sense to have a team named after Franciscan priests, no matter how effective they were at subjugating others. But then someone in the uniform design department suggested that we could keep with the religious theme, while at the same time honoring both the fabulous character of our new city name and the heroic struggle of the LGBTQIA+ community. And so, the San Diego Drag Queens are proud to announce that their new mascot is a member of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. Slay, Queens!”

“I believe the children are the future,” says onetime San Diego Mayor Todd Gloria. “They can carry us to a brighter tomorrow, if only we have the courage to let them. So when the students at Junipero Serra High School in Tierrasanta successfully petitioned to have their school’s named changed because the Mission system Father Serra founded exploited and oppressed the indigenous people of California, I paid attention. And I started thinking, ‘Isn’t it sad that these kids have the guts and tenacity to change their school’s name, but are still forced to live in a city whose name honors a participant in that same system of exploitation and oppression?’ Saint Didacus, after whom Fr. Serra named the mission that ultimately gave San Diego its name, was a missionary to the newly conquered Canary Islands. After the conquistadors finished their bloody work with the iron fist, he came in with the velvet glove, attempting to make the curse of conquest seem like a blessing, since it brought with it Christianity and the promise of eternal life through faith in Jesus Christ. All over the South, proponents of racial justice and social equity are demanding the removal of statues and names honoring the traitorous, racist Confederates. How could we do any less in the effort to cleanse the stains from our history? And wouldn’t it be fitting for the site of the first mission to be the first city in California to right that wrong? I soon realized that this would be my great legacy as Mayor. But you must believe me that naming this city Gloria, California was not my idea; it was suggested by my brilliant chief of staff Paola Avila. It honors not me, but my idea, my dream: a better, more equitable future for America’s Finest City.”