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Governor replaces Stay-at-Home order with Stay-in-Office order

Recall Stall

Beast mode: A pair of pelted patriots prompt pusillanimous pol to pivot.
Beast mode: A pair of pelted patriots prompt pusillanimous pol to pivot.

Last Monday, California Governor Gavin Newsom surprised many by lifting the stay-at-home order that had shuttered many restaurants and restricted other business and activity throughout much of the state. “Yessir, it’s Newsom’s new deal,” said the visibly sweating governor before going on to explain the science behind his baffling backtrack. “It’s all about projections. Our projections are that Southern California will enjoy increased ICU capacity within the next four weeks. So really, what looks like a policy reversal is just good science. And there was another projection: that if I didn’t cave on this point right quick, the increasingly mainstream Recall Newsom movement would gain enough momentum to give [ex-mayor of San Diego Kevin] Faulconer a real shot at my job. And if that happens, I’m not likely to get many reservations at The French Laundry’s private banquet garage, lockdown or no lockdown. So yes, it turns out there are some things worse than covid, and unemployment - for me - is one of them. Who loves you, California?”

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Beast mode: A pair of pelted patriots prompt pusillanimous pol to pivot.
Beast mode: A pair of pelted patriots prompt pusillanimous pol to pivot.

Last Monday, California Governor Gavin Newsom surprised many by lifting the stay-at-home order that had shuttered many restaurants and restricted other business and activity throughout much of the state. “Yessir, it’s Newsom’s new deal,” said the visibly sweating governor before going on to explain the science behind his baffling backtrack. “It’s all about projections. Our projections are that Southern California will enjoy increased ICU capacity within the next four weeks. So really, what looks like a policy reversal is just good science. And there was another projection: that if I didn’t cave on this point right quick, the increasingly mainstream Recall Newsom movement would gain enough momentum to give [ex-mayor of San Diego Kevin] Faulconer a real shot at my job. And if that happens, I’m not likely to get many reservations at The French Laundry’s private banquet garage, lockdown or no lockdown. So yes, it turns out there are some things worse than covid, and unemployment - for me - is one of them. Who loves you, California?”

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