Chinese national (and giant panda) Su Lin poses with two unidentified visitors from her homeland’s Wuhan province in this March 2019 photo.

“When I first suggested that China’s decision to share its pandas with the San Diego Zoo might be a fur-op, everybody said I was crazy,” says local conspiracy theorist Saul Openmind. “That was what, 27 years ago? But who’s crazy now? Millions dead in a global pandemic that started in 2019 - the same year China took its pandas back. And who’s suffering? Our snow leopards, that’s who. And our tigers. Fauci and friends know I’m right about this. That’s why they keep pushing the whole ‘animals-in-nature’ narrative for the virus’ jump to humanity, even as the lab-leak story becomes more and more credible. What they neglect to mention is that the ‘nature’ in question was carefully engineered by United States operatives who seemed all too eager to cooperate with a totalitarian regime as long as they got what they wanted out of the deal. And what they wanted was really cute bears that would contribute to the gift shop’s gain-of-profit. Follow the money, man, then follow the virus.”