Mayor Faulconer, giving thanks for the craven stupidity of so many California Democrats. “My wife actually picked up that Provencal placemat at Cost Plus World Market,” he recounted. “I got gravy on it and had to wash it after dinner, so I guess you could say i had my own little French Laundry experience. Ha, ha, that’s a joke.”

“Honestly, it started as a joke,” says Mayor Faulconer of his solitary, microwaved repast on Thanksgiving day. “After Governor Newsom went to that big party at the French Laundry, then fudged about it being an outside dinner when ‘outside’ just meant one open wall, I said to the wife, ‘I bet there’s gonna be more. And I bet that anyone with the self-control required to do the exact opposite, to sit at home and eat alone, is going to be the big winner here.’ She dared me. And I took her up on it. God knows I needed something to take the spotlight off the Ash Street debacle. But I had no idea how right I was. San Francisco Mayor London Breed went to a party at the same restaurant, the very next night! San Jose Mayor Sam Liccardo broke state rules with his big Thanksgiving gathering. Some lady in LA voted to end outdoor dining and then went to dine outdoors! Not to mention the Democrat Mayor of Austin, who told people to stay home while he was vacationing in Cabo! I’m not saying it made my Thanksgiving dinner delicious, but even microwaved turkey is better than crow. This is one Faulconer who knows when it’s time to stay in the nest. Sacramento, here I come!”