I think it is patently unfair for you to invoke the quasi-divine, vaguely porklike glory of the McRib during these trying times. Did you not think we had it bad enough being forced to remain inside our homes while spring springs all around us, so you had to add a bitter reminder that I can’t have a socially distant McRib right now now matter how bad I might want one? Shame on you.
Ah, yes, the cult of the McRib. It’s one of those weird things that make no sense, but in a good way (unlike people hoarding needless amounts of toilet paper). You have two options:
(1) You could go to Germany, where the McRib is available whenever you want; or
(2) You could be like this one, god-tier hipster over at Serious Eats who reverse engineered the McRib in his spare time.
I am 99.9 percent sure nobody’s going to Germany right now, so the second option seems like a much more appropriate reaction to me — and it will dovetail nicely with your present social distancing obligations. In fact, this is a prime opportunity for enterprising, furloughed hipsters to recreate in-home versions of fast-food cult classics.
Did you know German McDonald’s also sells a thing called a “Big Rösti,” which is a kind of bacon burger that also includes a variety of hash brown and some sort of mysterious, cheesy sauce? I bet you could make that and blog about it. I challenge you, hipster shut-ins, to recreate all the fast food delicacies you’re too afraid to go out and buy, or are prevented from buying altogether by market and geographical forces. Send your creations to [email protected] if you wish for some form of acknowledgement.
A year ago, heck, a few months ago, the world seemed rosy. Overnight, it seems like all we can think about is hoarding toilet paper; washing our hands; and staring raptly at the daily news, waiting to see how things will get worse. I don’t know about you, but I’m having a hard time finding anything funny these days as humanity faces the greatest, most potentially life-changing global epidemic in a hundred years. All the little things that once seemed super important, like getting out on the town with friends, seem so... trivial to me now. I cannot fathom how the hipster economy, which is a market of mostly vices and excess when you get right down to it, can survive such times. Is this (potentially) the end of hipster as we know it?
— Cheryl K.
If the rise of toilet-paper hoarding memes tells us anything about humanity, it’s that the only thing more powerful than an apocalypse-inducing superbug is the ability of people to find the absurd, snarky, hipster joke lurking in the dark heart of the apocalypse. The first step in the long process of coping with social upheaval is laughing about it, and the hipsters of the world have long had that particular skill on lock. Hipster irony may not keep you safe from viruses, but it goes a long way towards preserving your sanity when everything and everyone starts looking totally bonkers. The hipster mind is an essential part of the human condition, and, in the face of adversity, it will exert itself in new ways.