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True hipsters will recognize.

Dear Hipster:

I think the hipster love of winter has been fairly well established at this point, and we can pretty much take it as a given that, for every person who falls back on the painfully mainstream complaints about the shortness of the days, there is at least one hipster ready to praise the flannely joy of wintertime. Probably very little needs to be said about the matter. Me, I’m in the camp of loving cooler weather for one reason, and one reason only... the hot drinks! I don’t mean tea, coffee, and hot cocoa. I mean the hot, alcoholic drinks that would turn your stomach in the summer but make you look forward to long, dark nights in the winter so you can cozy up with something warm and boozy to ward off the chill. I have my personal preferences, but I want to know, in the land of wintry hipster hot drinks, which hot drink reigns supreme?

— Mitch

Unfortunately, I remain legally obliged to say the “official” drink of hipster winter is warm Keystone Ice Lager thanks to ironic legislation passed during a particularly snarky session of the unofficial hipster parliament in the middle aughts. Politicians. What can you do?

That said, your particular choice of warm winter tipple says a lot about what kind of hipster you are:

Boozy Hot Chocolate

You’re the kind of DGAF hipster who shows up to any party between Halloween and New Years Eve in Ugg boots, board shorts, and a Santa Hat. Good for you.

Hot Toddy

Aren’t we the discerning hipster of the bunch? I bet you always specify “bourbon” if you order one at the bar, on the off chance the bartender is some sort of Philistine who makes them with rum.

Hot Buttered Rum

You can’t stop telling people how glad you are that sweater weather is finally here. You (correctly) tell your friends about how Die Hard is a Christmas movie. You schedule a Die Hard viewing party. Everybody drinks too much Hot Buttered Rum, so you never get around to watching the movie.

Eggnog

Splashing Christian Brothers into some store bought eggnog? You’re probably not much of a hipster. Laboriously making fresh eggnog, lacing it with a secret concoction of alcohols, and then convincing your friends it’s 100 percent safe to drink raw eggs? You’re exactly the kind of hipster we need around here.

Tom & Jerry

Ordinary people can’t tell the difference between you and the kind of person who loves ordering Mudslides at TGI Fridays. They think you’re drinking something named after a cat and mouse cartoon. The joke’s on them, because you know you’re drinking one of the most legit old timey winter cocktails there is. If people knew what you know, they might stand a chance of someday playing in your league. Too bad the club is so hard to join.

Mulled Wine

You were a drama club hipster kid who studied medieval philosophy in college, and you’ve definitely been to the Renaissance Faire at least once in your life, even if “only to check it out and see what all the fuss is about.” Either that or you’re obsessed with modern Scandinavian foodie trends, and you insist on calling it “Glögg.”

Irish Coffee

Wherever you are is nothing more than where you happen to find yourself on the way to the next place you have to be. The caffeine keeps you going strong till springtime rolls around.