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St. Paul’s Above It All

Church property to host tower that will tower over Balboa Park

There’s even Biblical precedent in Genesis: “Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may garner office space for ourselves.”
There’s even Biblical precedent in Genesis: “Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may garner office space for ourselves.”

“It’s true that Greystar’s proposed project is 50 feet taller than anything else along the edge of the Park,” said St. Paul’s Dean, the Most Extremely Very Reverend and Remunerated Cash Munny, “and that its shadow will cover the earth in the afternoons like the midday darkness that descended when Christ died on the cross. But there will be, in the bowels - that is, the lower parts of the building - 18 low-income apartments! A full two more than the 16 we’re demolishing to make way for the tower! And we’ll be able to host LGBTQ events in the courtyard, which will help atone for our namesake’s hateful line in Corinthians about how ‘neither the sexually immoral nor idolators nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men, etc. will inherit the kingdom of God.’ Anyway, we answer to a higher authority than some planning commission, so we’re going ahead with it.”

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There’s even Biblical precedent in Genesis: “Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may garner office space for ourselves.”
There’s even Biblical precedent in Genesis: “Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may garner office space for ourselves.”

“It’s true that Greystar’s proposed project is 50 feet taller than anything else along the edge of the Park,” said St. Paul’s Dean, the Most Extremely Very Reverend and Remunerated Cash Munny, “and that its shadow will cover the earth in the afternoons like the midday darkness that descended when Christ died on the cross. But there will be, in the bowels - that is, the lower parts of the building - 18 low-income apartments! A full two more than the 16 we’re demolishing to make way for the tower! And we’ll be able to host LGBTQ events in the courtyard, which will help atone for our namesake’s hateful line in Corinthians about how ‘neither the sexually immoral nor idolators nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men, etc. will inherit the kingdom of God.’ Anyway, we answer to a higher authority than some planning commission, so we’re going ahead with it.”

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Comments
4

Most accurate depiction written of what actually happened. Kudos, well done.

Feb. 8, 2019

Also a pretty good description of the building, except the roof top pool and party space was left out. I can imagine several ways to describe those important features in the context of the article. And I realize the reason this article is called "almost factual news" is that the building is actually 75 feet higher than other buildings along the park, not 50 feet.

Feb. 8, 2019

No, it is NOT called "almost factual news" for that reason. The satirical column has been labeled that for years.

Feb. 9, 2019

Sigh. Dowdy Dimbiddy once more unto the breach for his own relevance. It also wasn't the appointed-developers planning commission that was against this, but the elected members of the local community planning group. I believe Geranium would be willing to admit mistyping "article" for "column," but you admit no excuse or apology for all your straw-manned posts.

Feb. 9, 2019

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4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
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