Priestess-President Della Torrid welcomes “a new spirit of empowerment and opportunity on the campus of SDSU” as she prepares to offer it the sacrifice of “Wypipo,” a “living embodiment of white privilege and oppression” formerly known as captain of the SDSU football cheerleading squad Stacey Summers. Behind her (right), Academic Dean James Highmighty applauds the action, which both secured Della Torrid’s position from now until the Fourth Dread Dominion and kicked off a diversity initiative designed to make Latinx students feel more welcome on campus, though afterwards he admitted he was glad to be wearing his protective Amulet of Tenure.

Excerpt from Dr. Della Torrid’s remarks following the ritual: “I’m sure many of you gathered here today have read about the recent FBI Operation entitled Varsity Blues, which exposed the rank and venal corruption of America’s white elite with regard to their children’s education. They subverted the standardized testing standard by getting their children falsely diagnosed with disabilities so that they might take the SAT without time limits. Or they had proctors help them cheat outright. They bribed coaches to label even their most miserable physical specimens as recruited athletes, so that they might circumvent a stringent admissions process. They did whatever it took to make sure that they maintained power over their world, a world that included marginalized and struggling people of all sorts. But starting today, their reign is over, at least here at SDSU. It is not for any of her own sins that Wypipo had to bleed. It was for the sins of her people; she is their spotless lamb. And from her corpse, new life shall flower: a new world, built on new foundations. Rejoice, my fellow Aztecs! For you have a new champion and ruler, and her name is Della Torrid!”