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Dear God, I hear you knocking

Three Poems by Lydia Ong

Lydia Ong is an aspiring psychologist, cat lover, and boba connoisseur.
Lydia Ong is an aspiring psychologist, cat lover, and boba connoisseur.

A-B-C’s

  • I learned my A-B-C’s at the ripe age of three
  • Letters built words and words breathed life
  • At ten I learned A’s got love from my mother —
  • B’s lowered eyes, C’s a yelling beast
  • At twelve I learned C’s were for sexy girls —
  • B’s a decent grower, A’s a sunken nobody
  • I was as flat in the chest as I was in my face that was
  • Told looked like it had been smacked by the lid
  • Of a trash can. Trash, that must’ve seeped into my
  • Skin, yellowed like the discarded banana peel but as white on the inside as
  • my grandpa said I was
  • Trash
  • That couldn’t be loved for my body nor my intelligence — or
  • Lack thereof that doesn’t deserve love these
  • Letters built up words that tore down my soul
  • Said you’re so stupid
  • you’re not hot
  • you’re unlovable
  • Labeled me an ‘A’ here, a ‘C’ there
  • No one told me at three these letters would destroy me
  • But I stand here unlearning what I learned these
  • letters I craft together give me new identity for
  • I am smart
  • I am more than my body
  • I am loved
  • I am a builder of letters

Daddy Gets Mad When You Question Privilege

  • I wonder who it was who taught me to not love
  • Eyes that look like mine, to not
  • Walk next to shoulders in my same stratosphere, to not
  • Caress a body with a story. To not
  • Reproduce with skin painted darker than my privilege.

Dear God, on My Birthday

  • Dear God,
  • I hear you knocking. The walls are thin but I like to pretend they’re thick or I’m deaf. But the truth is the walls are thin and you can hear the bed squeaking. The frame is fragile like my emotional health, wavering like my heart posture. This house was built for two and I don’t know where you fit in. I’d let you eat cookies in the kitchen and take a piss in the bathroom but I know that’s not what you came here to do. You are not a guest in my life. You are my everything but I can’t give you everything. I can give you your bed but please don’t take mine. I guess that means you really aren’t my everything. You are my Savior but stubbornness and selfish desires are my Lords. And I guess that leaves me human.

Lydia Ong is an aspiring psychologist, cat lover, and boba connoisseur. She studies psychology, English, and education at Chapman University in Orange County.

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Lydia Ong is an aspiring psychologist, cat lover, and boba connoisseur.
Lydia Ong is an aspiring psychologist, cat lover, and boba connoisseur.

A-B-C’s

  • I learned my A-B-C’s at the ripe age of three
  • Letters built words and words breathed life
  • At ten I learned A’s got love from my mother —
  • B’s lowered eyes, C’s a yelling beast
  • At twelve I learned C’s were for sexy girls —
  • B’s a decent grower, A’s a sunken nobody
  • I was as flat in the chest as I was in my face that was
  • Told looked like it had been smacked by the lid
  • Of a trash can. Trash, that must’ve seeped into my
  • Skin, yellowed like the discarded banana peel but as white on the inside as
  • my grandpa said I was
  • Trash
  • That couldn’t be loved for my body nor my intelligence — or
  • Lack thereof that doesn’t deserve love these
  • Letters built up words that tore down my soul
  • Said you’re so stupid
  • you’re not hot
  • you’re unlovable
  • Labeled me an ‘A’ here, a ‘C’ there
  • No one told me at three these letters would destroy me
  • But I stand here unlearning what I learned these
  • letters I craft together give me new identity for
  • I am smart
  • I am more than my body
  • I am loved
  • I am a builder of letters

Daddy Gets Mad When You Question Privilege

  • I wonder who it was who taught me to not love
  • Eyes that look like mine, to not
  • Walk next to shoulders in my same stratosphere, to not
  • Caress a body with a story. To not
  • Reproduce with skin painted darker than my privilege.

Dear God, on My Birthday

  • Dear God,
  • I hear you knocking. The walls are thin but I like to pretend they’re thick or I’m deaf. But the truth is the walls are thin and you can hear the bed squeaking. The frame is fragile like my emotional health, wavering like my heart posture. This house was built for two and I don’t know where you fit in. I’d let you eat cookies in the kitchen and take a piss in the bathroom but I know that’s not what you came here to do. You are not a guest in my life. You are my everything but I can’t give you everything. I can give you your bed but please don’t take mine. I guess that means you really aren’t my everything. You are my Savior but stubbornness and selfish desires are my Lords. And I guess that leaves me human.

Lydia Ong is an aspiring psychologist, cat lover, and boba connoisseur. She studies psychology, English, and education at Chapman University in Orange County.

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4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
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