4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Dinner-party vegan means no harm

Vegan eggnog gets even the most recalcitrant aunts and cousins laughing

Follows strict diet — brings own food to family dinner
Follows strict diet — brings own food to family dinner

Dear Hipster:

You hipsters and your crazy food predilections are killing me. I had my sister over for the holidays. She brought her new hipster boyfriend, who won’t eat corn, milk, and (obviously) gluten. If you’re wondering how I found out about his special diet, don’t worry, like that joke about vegans at parties, he told me all about it. In fact, nary a meal passed without hearing how much “better” he feels since he “eliminated all these toxic foods” from his diet. When I host, I enjoy cooking for an army, and I relish the chance to feed my guests well. Since I had other guests (who, unlike sis’s picky eater of a BF, all dine like regular people) I didn’t change my cooking plans. The hipster BF nibbled at salads and side dishes, and he stored his own soymilk in the fridge for the admittedly delicious coffee that he brought along; but he wouldn’t eat much of what I cooked. I guess he can live just fine on organic kale chips and sorghum craft beer. My sister seems totally fine with his quirky dining habits. Why can’t you hipsters just eat regular food? It would save the rest of us a lot of trouble.

— Exasperated Sis in Bankers Hill

I think your sister is dating my cousin. Did they by chance fly down from Portland for the holiday season? Did he insist on wearing that ugly sweater with the cross-eyed reindeer on it? Did he make you his holiday vegan nog that tastes like extra-strength brandy laced with egg yolks, the faintest hint of ersatz milk, and an immoderate ration of nutmeg?

If that’s the case, then lucky you. That sweater is hilarious, and that nog would get the most recalcitrant aunts and cousins laughing. Adding a hipster or two to any family get-together is a way to improve the situation, nine times out of ten. Hipsters make fantastic bartenders, don’t mind chatting up an Eisenhower-era grandma about the good old days, and if you let them play DJ you are all but guaranteed to learn something.

Even if it’s not my cousin, maybe you ought to give sister’s boyfriend a break on this one. From what it sounds like, homeboy harmed nothing beyond your sense of propriety. It would be a different story if, say, sis coerced you into altering every menu to suit her hipster’s mercurial dietary vagaries, but passing on fettuccini Alfredo in favor of salad is the least of the holiday slights. Plus, a self-sufficient houseguest is a boon, not a burden. If I were hosting an anti-hipster who insisted on drinking only Folgers coffee and consequently supplied his own, I’d be more than happy to let him to do his admittedly disgusting thing.

You should understand that hipsters wanting you to know all about their hipster stuff (be it obscure music or a penchant for gluten-free, cornless cornbread) does not necessarily lead to hipsters wanting you to embrace their hipster stuff. In fact, quite the opposite is true. For now, your future hipster brother-in-law gets to smugly enjoy his hipster lifestyle (which might actually make him feel better), secure in the knowledge that he’s doing what’s best for him, despite the misgivings of others.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all

Previous article

Luis Urrea daydreams of San Diego, Oklahoma girl spends summers on Bonair Street

We buy a $120,000 hoiuse in El Cerrito, an incurable eavesdropper, lives of a beautiful girl and a fat boy in San Diego
Follows strict diet — brings own food to family dinner
Follows strict diet — brings own food to family dinner

Dear Hipster:

You hipsters and your crazy food predilections are killing me. I had my sister over for the holidays. She brought her new hipster boyfriend, who won’t eat corn, milk, and (obviously) gluten. If you’re wondering how I found out about his special diet, don’t worry, like that joke about vegans at parties, he told me all about it. In fact, nary a meal passed without hearing how much “better” he feels since he “eliminated all these toxic foods” from his diet. When I host, I enjoy cooking for an army, and I relish the chance to feed my guests well. Since I had other guests (who, unlike sis’s picky eater of a BF, all dine like regular people) I didn’t change my cooking plans. The hipster BF nibbled at salads and side dishes, and he stored his own soymilk in the fridge for the admittedly delicious coffee that he brought along; but he wouldn’t eat much of what I cooked. I guess he can live just fine on organic kale chips and sorghum craft beer. My sister seems totally fine with his quirky dining habits. Why can’t you hipsters just eat regular food? It would save the rest of us a lot of trouble.

— Exasperated Sis in Bankers Hill

I think your sister is dating my cousin. Did they by chance fly down from Portland for the holiday season? Did he insist on wearing that ugly sweater with the cross-eyed reindeer on it? Did he make you his holiday vegan nog that tastes like extra-strength brandy laced with egg yolks, the faintest hint of ersatz milk, and an immoderate ration of nutmeg?

If that’s the case, then lucky you. That sweater is hilarious, and that nog would get the most recalcitrant aunts and cousins laughing. Adding a hipster or two to any family get-together is a way to improve the situation, nine times out of ten. Hipsters make fantastic bartenders, don’t mind chatting up an Eisenhower-era grandma about the good old days, and if you let them play DJ you are all but guaranteed to learn something.

Even if it’s not my cousin, maybe you ought to give sister’s boyfriend a break on this one. From what it sounds like, homeboy harmed nothing beyond your sense of propriety. It would be a different story if, say, sis coerced you into altering every menu to suit her hipster’s mercurial dietary vagaries, but passing on fettuccini Alfredo in favor of salad is the least of the holiday slights. Plus, a self-sufficient houseguest is a boon, not a burden. If I were hosting an anti-hipster who insisted on drinking only Folgers coffee and consequently supplied his own, I’d be more than happy to let him to do his admittedly disgusting thing.

You should understand that hipsters wanting you to know all about their hipster stuff (be it obscure music or a penchant for gluten-free, cornless cornbread) does not necessarily lead to hipsters wanting you to embrace their hipster stuff. In fact, quite the opposite is true. For now, your future hipster brother-in-law gets to smugly enjoy his hipster lifestyle (which might actually make him feel better), secure in the knowledge that he’s doing what’s best for him, despite the misgivings of others.

Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Grammys issue statement defending nomination of local activist’s metal rant

“Wind” Storm
Next Article

San Diego – city of shame, University Avenue, roommates from hell, writers write about moms

Reader writers' favorite books, music, San Diego small towns, first day of school, the story I wanted to write but didn't
Comments
0

Be the first to leave a comment.

Sign in to comment

Sign in

Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town Letters — Our inbox [email protected] — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close