Quantcast
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

You bought her a new stadium

It wasn’t long before her nagging resumed

The Swaggering Beast from the Midwest only wants her on his terms, and he is known as a hard taskmaster.
The Swaggering Beast from the Midwest only wants her on his terms, and he is known as a hard taskmaster.

You love your dearest more than you’ve loved anyone or anything. You’ve been together 55 years. For you, it’s always been till-death-do-us-part.

In the beginning the relationship was passionate on both sides. She was living in the slums, working out of a seedy football stadium built in 1914. You didn’t care. She was employed by a start-up football league. She said it was a big-league league and very professional. Your friends laughed, said she was a poser. You didn’t care.

She was glamorous, eager to please, and fun to be around. At first things went beautifully, she won the startup league’s championship in 1963 and went on to play for the championship the following year and the year after that.

Those were good years, exciting years, you’d never been so happy. And then she was invited to join the Royal Court, become a full-fledged member of the richest sports league in the world.

Oh, you were so happy for her! In fact, down deep, it was hard to believe that this much goodness could come your way. You bought her a new stadium so she could prance, preen, and show her stuff to the whole wide world.

Sure, there was some self-interest in there. You wanted, no, needed, to keep her happy so she would stay. In the back of your mind there was always a nagging worry she would leave. In your heart you believed you were small time. You were afraid she did too.

Things didn’t go well in the Royal Court, it didn’t seem like she belonged. She didn’t manage a winning season for eight years in a row. She never won the championship, rarely made the playoffs. You didn’t care.

Then she began to nag, wanted you to buy her “improvements,” buy her unsold tickets. Always wanting something.

You agreed to remodel her quite respectable stadium. You spent $78 million to spruce it up, add 10,500 seats, 34 suites, four club lounges, and as bonus, threw in a new practice field.

At first she seemed satisfied, but it wasn’t long, three short years in fact, before her nagging resumed. “I want a nicer home, I want a billion-dollar stadium. What’s wrong with you? Are you a big-league city or not?”

She started flirting with other cities. “That big, muscular city of Los Angeles called me, thinks I’m cute, wants to take care of me. Look at you! You’re nothing but a sniveling little loser who can’t afford to be with someone like me!”

You wanted to keep her so much. You offered her more money, more land. And still she flirted. You thought it was just her way. She abused you, used you, but still, you didn’t care, you loved her.

And then she filed for relocation.

She hooked up with another franchise and ran off to Los Angeles. At least that was their plan. They were going to be partners, 50-50, start a new life together, build the biggest most wonderful stadium in the world. It would be their love nest and they would be rulers of the second-largest market in the land. She abandoned you without a goodbye, without the slightest expression of regret.

All the potentates in the Royal Court said they were on her side. They laughed and clapped her on the back. The national press said this match was set in stone. The Royal Court formed a committee to bless and sanctify her love nest and those wise men voted 5 to 1 in her favor.

And now the entire Royal Court gathered and somebody yelled, “Let’s have a secret ballot!” How jolly, how democratic. And they held a secret ballot and she lost 30 to 2.

Turns out the Royal Court had other ideas about who she should live with. They ran off her suitor from Northern California, and presided over a shotgun marriage, your sweetheart and a Swaggering Beast from the Midwest.

It wasn’t even a shotgun marriage, the Swaggering Beast only agreed to take her in on his terms, and he is known far and wide as a hard taskmaster. She would be a supplicant, dependent on his favor for as long as the new stadium stands. What a humiliation, to become a mere tenant in another man’s stadium!

The Vegas Line

NFL Conference Championships

She slunk back to San Diego, tail between her legs, and yet, even unto this moment, won’t make a commitment to you. Won’t say she loves you, instead asks for more money, more money than you can possibly afford.

Your friends ask, “How long are you going to keep groveling? She doesn’t love you, she never has. Have some dignity for fuck’s sake.”

But you don’t care about dignity. You love her.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all

Previous article

Big Oak Ranch – another roadside attraction

The fines that MTS should pay
The Swaggering Beast from the Midwest only wants her on his terms, and he is known as a hard taskmaster.
The Swaggering Beast from the Midwest only wants her on his terms, and he is known as a hard taskmaster.

You love your dearest more than you’ve loved anyone or anything. You’ve been together 55 years. For you, it’s always been till-death-do-us-part.

In the beginning the relationship was passionate on both sides. She was living in the slums, working out of a seedy football stadium built in 1914. You didn’t care. She was employed by a start-up football league. She said it was a big-league league and very professional. Your friends laughed, said she was a poser. You didn’t care.

She was glamorous, eager to please, and fun to be around. At first things went beautifully, she won the startup league’s championship in 1963 and went on to play for the championship the following year and the year after that.

Those were good years, exciting years, you’d never been so happy. And then she was invited to join the Royal Court, become a full-fledged member of the richest sports league in the world.

Oh, you were so happy for her! In fact, down deep, it was hard to believe that this much goodness could come your way. You bought her a new stadium so she could prance, preen, and show her stuff to the whole wide world.

Sure, there was some self-interest in there. You wanted, no, needed, to keep her happy so she would stay. In the back of your mind there was always a nagging worry she would leave. In your heart you believed you were small time. You were afraid she did too.

Things didn’t go well in the Royal Court, it didn’t seem like she belonged. She didn’t manage a winning season for eight years in a row. She never won the championship, rarely made the playoffs. You didn’t care.

Then she began to nag, wanted you to buy her “improvements,” buy her unsold tickets. Always wanting something.

You agreed to remodel her quite respectable stadium. You spent $78 million to spruce it up, add 10,500 seats, 34 suites, four club lounges, and as bonus, threw in a new practice field.

At first she seemed satisfied, but it wasn’t long, three short years in fact, before her nagging resumed. “I want a nicer home, I want a billion-dollar stadium. What’s wrong with you? Are you a big-league city or not?”

She started flirting with other cities. “That big, muscular city of Los Angeles called me, thinks I’m cute, wants to take care of me. Look at you! You’re nothing but a sniveling little loser who can’t afford to be with someone like me!”

You wanted to keep her so much. You offered her more money, more land. And still she flirted. You thought it was just her way. She abused you, used you, but still, you didn’t care, you loved her.

And then she filed for relocation.

She hooked up with another franchise and ran off to Los Angeles. At least that was their plan. They were going to be partners, 50-50, start a new life together, build the biggest most wonderful stadium in the world. It would be their love nest and they would be rulers of the second-largest market in the land. She abandoned you without a goodbye, without the slightest expression of regret.

All the potentates in the Royal Court said they were on her side. They laughed and clapped her on the back. The national press said this match was set in stone. The Royal Court formed a committee to bless and sanctify her love nest and those wise men voted 5 to 1 in her favor.

And now the entire Royal Court gathered and somebody yelled, “Let’s have a secret ballot!” How jolly, how democratic. And they held a secret ballot and she lost 30 to 2.

Turns out the Royal Court had other ideas about who she should live with. They ran off her suitor from Northern California, and presided over a shotgun marriage, your sweetheart and a Swaggering Beast from the Midwest.

It wasn’t even a shotgun marriage, the Swaggering Beast only agreed to take her in on his terms, and he is known far and wide as a hard taskmaster. She would be a supplicant, dependent on his favor for as long as the new stadium stands. What a humiliation, to become a mere tenant in another man’s stadium!

The Vegas Line

NFL Conference Championships

She slunk back to San Diego, tail between her legs, and yet, even unto this moment, won’t make a commitment to you. Won’t say she loves you, instead asks for more money, more money than you can possibly afford.

Your friends ask, “How long are you going to keep groveling? She doesn’t love you, she never has. Have some dignity for fuck’s sake.”

But you don’t care about dignity. You love her.

Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Mark Dresser’s musicianship cuts through it all

Long-time UCSD professor’s telematics trials
Next Article

There are four differences between the two pictures of protests below. Can you spot them? Check the answers to see how you did!

Spot the Difference!
Comments
2

Too true. LATimes sportswriter Bill Plaschke just wrote a scathing column on how nobody in LA ever liked the Chargers, ever went down to San Diego to see a game, ever wanted them up there in Inglewood or anywhere else, even Carson. He said the Raiders have fans in LA, but the Bolts? Never.

Jan. 20, 2016

Oh I'm sure the Chargers have some fans up there--just not enough to warrant moving the franchise to LA.

Jan. 21, 2016

Sign in to comment

Sign in

Art Reviews — W.S. Di Piero's eye on exhibits Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Best Buys — San Diego shopping Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits City Lights — News and politics Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Famous Former Neighbors — Next-door celebs Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town Here's the Deal — Chad Deal's watering holes Just Announced — The scoop on shows Letters — Our inbox [email protected] — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Of Note — Concert picks Out & About — What's Happening Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Pour Over — Grab a cup Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer News — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Set 'em Up Joe — Bartenders' drink recipes Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Sports — Athletics without gush Street Style — San Diego streets have style Suit Up — Fashion tips for dudes Theater Reviews — Local productions Theater antireviews — Narrow your search Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Waterfront — All things ocean Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close