Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Old Farty-Fart skips question, launches into diatribe

Modern denim is often too light to patch.

Frankenstein jeans
Frankenstein jeans

Dear Hipster:

So, I’ve been planning on writing to you for some weeks now, but I just never got around to it. Too lazy, or whatever. But, today I got to thinking, “Hey! If I’m too lazy to even write to this dude, then that certainly must make me a hipster!” But, of course, here I am writing to you, which definitely is un-hipsterish. It’s like writing a letter to the editor, or even posting a comment on the internet. These things are done by people with some overblown sense of self-worth, who think that other people actually give a shit about what they have to say. So, now I’m sitting on a conundrum. Am I a hipster or not? In my defense, I will say that while wearing jeans with holes in them is definitely cool (a derogatory term these days... puts you in a Kim Kardashian category), I don’t like holes in my jeans. So, I take out some patches and my sewing stuff, and I patch these jeans and sew them up, and with absolutely no sewing skill at all. I of course end up with jeans that look like a Frankenstein monster. So, I will submit that walking around in Frankenstein jeans definitely puts you in the hipster category.

Sponsored
Sponsored

— Mike “the old farty fart” Mulrenan

In defense of those who write letters to our editors, but not on behalf of indefensible internet commenters, your query would have benefitted substantially had you incorporated more question (this is ASK a hipster, after all) and less rambling diatribe. It’s not that I don’t like a good diatribe. Heavens no, and quite the opposite. Diatribes on topics most people don’t ever think about, let alone obsess over, are my stock and trade. For one, I don’t even need an excuse for the denim rant onto which I will soon embark.

But first, as for that conundrum you’re sitting on, presumably in hopes of an upturn in the red-hot conundrums market, well, you know how they say you’re only as old a hipster as you feel? What does your old farty fart heart tell you? Does it whisper obscure song lyrics and urge you to order kale salads and caramelized brussels sprouts at your favorite local brasserie? You may find you’ve always known the answers you seek.

Your “Frankenstein jeans” (DUH duhn duhn duhn duh duhn duhn DUUUUUHN duh duhn duhn duhn duh duhn! AMIRIGHT, PEOPLE?!?) remind me of a story. Naturally, it’s about me. I once spent three days hand-sewing patches onto a favored pair of jeans, only to have them all rip out in the first wash. Cool story, huh? Modern denim is often too light to patch. It seems that anything below a 12oz fabric will be too weak to hold a patch by the time it needs patching. Sanforization (heavy steam treatment that pre-stretches raw fabrics) further weakens the base cloth. A door is only as strong as its frame, and the same holds true for pants.

Patching a pair of naturally sturdy jeans would certainly combine the hipster proclivity for handicrafts with the famous hipster desire to buck consumer trends, like buying lots and lots of disposable stuff at low prices. For whatever reason, this behavior has not taken root in the American hipster consciousness. Should it do so, I hereby authorize you to stand there, radiant in your smugness, and speak the magic words: “I was into that before it was cool.”

The latest copy of the Reader

Please enjoy this clickable Reader flipbook. Linked text and ads are flash-highlighted in blue for your convenience. To enhance your viewing, please open full screen mode by clicking the icon on the far right of the black flipbook toolbar.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

The danger of San Diego's hoarders

The $1 million Flash Comics #1
Frankenstein jeans
Frankenstein jeans

Dear Hipster:

So, I’ve been planning on writing to you for some weeks now, but I just never got around to it. Too lazy, or whatever. But, today I got to thinking, “Hey! If I’m too lazy to even write to this dude, then that certainly must make me a hipster!” But, of course, here I am writing to you, which definitely is un-hipsterish. It’s like writing a letter to the editor, or even posting a comment on the internet. These things are done by people with some overblown sense of self-worth, who think that other people actually give a shit about what they have to say. So, now I’m sitting on a conundrum. Am I a hipster or not? In my defense, I will say that while wearing jeans with holes in them is definitely cool (a derogatory term these days... puts you in a Kim Kardashian category), I don’t like holes in my jeans. So, I take out some patches and my sewing stuff, and I patch these jeans and sew them up, and with absolutely no sewing skill at all. I of course end up with jeans that look like a Frankenstein monster. So, I will submit that walking around in Frankenstein jeans definitely puts you in the hipster category.

Sponsored
Sponsored

— Mike “the old farty fart” Mulrenan

In defense of those who write letters to our editors, but not on behalf of indefensible internet commenters, your query would have benefitted substantially had you incorporated more question (this is ASK a hipster, after all) and less rambling diatribe. It’s not that I don’t like a good diatribe. Heavens no, and quite the opposite. Diatribes on topics most people don’t ever think about, let alone obsess over, are my stock and trade. For one, I don’t even need an excuse for the denim rant onto which I will soon embark.

But first, as for that conundrum you’re sitting on, presumably in hopes of an upturn in the red-hot conundrums market, well, you know how they say you’re only as old a hipster as you feel? What does your old farty fart heart tell you? Does it whisper obscure song lyrics and urge you to order kale salads and caramelized brussels sprouts at your favorite local brasserie? You may find you’ve always known the answers you seek.

Your “Frankenstein jeans” (DUH duhn duhn duhn duh duhn duhn DUUUUUHN duh duhn duhn duhn duh duhn! AMIRIGHT, PEOPLE?!?) remind me of a story. Naturally, it’s about me. I once spent three days hand-sewing patches onto a favored pair of jeans, only to have them all rip out in the first wash. Cool story, huh? Modern denim is often too light to patch. It seems that anything below a 12oz fabric will be too weak to hold a patch by the time it needs patching. Sanforization (heavy steam treatment that pre-stretches raw fabrics) further weakens the base cloth. A door is only as strong as its frame, and the same holds true for pants.

Patching a pair of naturally sturdy jeans would certainly combine the hipster proclivity for handicrafts with the famous hipster desire to buck consumer trends, like buying lots and lots of disposable stuff at low prices. For whatever reason, this behavior has not taken root in the American hipster consciousness. Should it do so, I hereby authorize you to stand there, radiant in your smugness, and speak the magic words: “I was into that before it was cool.”

Comments
Sponsored

The latest copy of the Reader

Please enjoy this clickable Reader flipbook. Linked text and ads are flash-highlighted in blue for your convenience. To enhance your viewing, please open full screen mode by clicking the icon on the far right of the black flipbook toolbar.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

The danger of San Diego's hoarders

The $1 million Flash Comics #1
Next Article

At 4pm, this Farmer's Table restaurant in Chula Vista becomes Acqua e Farina

Brunch restaurant by day, Roman style trattoria by night
Comments
Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

This Week’s Reader This Week’s Reader