Stinko himself

Mr. Hipster...Dude:

If hipsters are trendsetters, why haven’t they picked-up on the Stinko de Mayo celebration? Whereas the Cinco de Mayo celebration lasts only a day (or so), Stinko de Mayo is celebrated the entire month of May. If you haven’t heard of it, I will clue you in, as I have been celebrating it for many years now. It was named after long-time San Diego County resident/biker/algebra teacher, Allen “Stinko” Stanko. To show you how Stinko de Mayo is celebrated, I will attach a recent photo taken earlier this month.

— Allen “Stinko” Stanko

So, if I correctly decipher the visual aid, it would seem that Stinko de Mayo involves 1) draining kegs and growlers 2) in your super sweet man cave decorated with a 4:1 ratio of dartboards to Aztec-themed needlepoint while 3) wearing ludicrous hats and 4) unabashedly displaying a luxurious beard, 5) possibly without any pants on, though the jury is still out on that last part.

I can’t for the life of me figure out how nobody motioned to recognize this holiday at last year’s worldwide hipster congress, if for no other reason than that your felt hat looks like a vintage number from the Cat in the Hat hat craze that consumed 1990s youths.

My only regret is that May’s just about over. There better not be a zombie apocalypse between now and April 30th, 2016.

Happy Stinko de Mayo.