Quantcast
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

See the suicidal from their pinhole shaft of light

Life’s swells and gales won’t determine how every ship sails.
Life’s swells and gales won’t determine how every ship sails.

Suicide is the Result of Severe Brain Dis-ease: The Brain is Diseased, Dis-eased

The last two weeks have brought five suicides to my attention. Not my personal loved ones, but people and families that are facing this new and horrible fact. Their loved one will not ever return, and they are stuck with the WHYs and the “I should haves.” Even distant friends and family, maybe those pushed away earlier by the deceased, will feel somewhat guilty — over the phone call not returned, the slightest tiff, or the hugest argument — for what they could not do: prevent the brain disease.

It is a tremendous pain in the brain that cannot, for the moment, be alleviated with medicine, exercise, drinking, sleep, or logic.

The brain, in its dis-eased state, cannot be reasoned with or cooled down.

It is searing fire. In its fight or flight mandate to survive, [the brain] will attempt to problem-solve, and herein lies the very misdirected thinking that leads to suicide. “If I end my life, I will fix (stop) my problems. I’m not helping anyone and this sickness is more than I can bear. It will never go away. I am a burden to others.” Suicide is the decimation or domination of clear thinking, overpowering coping skills and pushing out any feelings of being loved or needed. And like many diseases, we don’t understand where it originated, where it took hold, or why such a loved one got it when others did not. Diseases do not favor one person over another: we cannot say, “He was so talented, why him?” or “She had so much to live for, how could she have given in to _ .”

Many narrowly escape this terminal ending of brain disease.

After more than three decades [as a therapist], I have been “close” to suicide more than the average person. I have spoken in depth to loved ones who have lost a family member to suicide (child, parent, spouse), as well as folks who have tried to kill themselves and failed. Also a few who tried and ultimately succeeded.

Have you ever tried to solve a complicated math problem? If it’s beyond your abilities, you will probably give up, knowing it’s pointless. You will say something like, “I will never get this. I don’t have the brainpower, patience, or motivation to work it out. I can’t solve it!” The fact is, there are math problems that I simply will never be able to solve, and I know it. Life is sort of a math riddle: lots of rules that nobody can ever accurately relay to us. We just kind of “get it” at some point, if we’re lucky (“luck” is defined as the cocktail of  DNA, family, health, temperament, spirit, opportunity).

If we’re not lucky, we may conclude, “I can’t get this thing called life. Other people can. I can’t and I never will. It’s just out of my reach and I give up.” That is the exhaustion and frustration speaking.

Those who complete their suicide have almost always tried it before — maybe once, usually several times. Suicide is the end of a long road. It’s physically painful. Air hurts. Not for a day. Not for a week, or a month, but years. Feelings of hopelessness, combined with impulsivity, mix with things like chronic pain, job loss, a recent heartbreak.

Problem-solving experiments show that the first thing to go when pressure is increased is creativity. Creativity is an outgrowth of time, patience, clear-thinking, freedom, respite. Once creative problem-solving is squashed, ideas run dry and hope for the future is greatly diminished. Thinking becomes like molasses.

Finally, suicide is not meant to punish other people. That’s far too devious a motive to ascribe to the person buried under a mountain of ash, unable to gasp a full breath, [afflicted with a] racing heart, feelings of dread, terror, panic, shame…these are the words and feelings I have heard about.

Please do not refer to someone’s suicide as a selfish BIG FUCK YOU. See it from their pinhole shaft of light. Would I be angry at another disease that takes a loved one’s life? Would I feel shame if my child or parent is taken by cancer or pneumonia? No...I would understand that an illness took his life.

Blog title: All Things Mental | Post Title: What is Suicide? | Post Date: April 24, 2015

Author: Christina Neumeyer, M.A. | Blogging from: Carlsbad | Blogging since: February 2010

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all

Previous article

Corbin’s Q’s Scrumptiously SLO barbecue

Dee-Lish. I mean, an exceptional combo of tastes.
Next Article

A poem for Independence Day by Francis Scott Key

His poem “Defence of Fort McHenry” became the lyrics to “The Star-Spangled Banner”
Life’s swells and gales won’t determine how every ship sails.
Life’s swells and gales won’t determine how every ship sails.

Suicide is the Result of Severe Brain Dis-ease: The Brain is Diseased, Dis-eased

The last two weeks have brought five suicides to my attention. Not my personal loved ones, but people and families that are facing this new and horrible fact. Their loved one will not ever return, and they are stuck with the WHYs and the “I should haves.” Even distant friends and family, maybe those pushed away earlier by the deceased, will feel somewhat guilty — over the phone call not returned, the slightest tiff, or the hugest argument — for what they could not do: prevent the brain disease.

It is a tremendous pain in the brain that cannot, for the moment, be alleviated with medicine, exercise, drinking, sleep, or logic.

The brain, in its dis-eased state, cannot be reasoned with or cooled down.

It is searing fire. In its fight or flight mandate to survive, [the brain] will attempt to problem-solve, and herein lies the very misdirected thinking that leads to suicide. “If I end my life, I will fix (stop) my problems. I’m not helping anyone and this sickness is more than I can bear. It will never go away. I am a burden to others.” Suicide is the decimation or domination of clear thinking, overpowering coping skills and pushing out any feelings of being loved or needed. And like many diseases, we don’t understand where it originated, where it took hold, or why such a loved one got it when others did not. Diseases do not favor one person over another: we cannot say, “He was so talented, why him?” or “She had so much to live for, how could she have given in to _ .”

Many narrowly escape this terminal ending of brain disease.

After more than three decades [as a therapist], I have been “close” to suicide more than the average person. I have spoken in depth to loved ones who have lost a family member to suicide (child, parent, spouse), as well as folks who have tried to kill themselves and failed. Also a few who tried and ultimately succeeded.

Have you ever tried to solve a complicated math problem? If it’s beyond your abilities, you will probably give up, knowing it’s pointless. You will say something like, “I will never get this. I don’t have the brainpower, patience, or motivation to work it out. I can’t solve it!” The fact is, there are math problems that I simply will never be able to solve, and I know it. Life is sort of a math riddle: lots of rules that nobody can ever accurately relay to us. We just kind of “get it” at some point, if we’re lucky (“luck” is defined as the cocktail of  DNA, family, health, temperament, spirit, opportunity).

If we’re not lucky, we may conclude, “I can’t get this thing called life. Other people can. I can’t and I never will. It’s just out of my reach and I give up.” That is the exhaustion and frustration speaking.

Those who complete their suicide have almost always tried it before — maybe once, usually several times. Suicide is the end of a long road. It’s physically painful. Air hurts. Not for a day. Not for a week, or a month, but years. Feelings of hopelessness, combined with impulsivity, mix with things like chronic pain, job loss, a recent heartbreak.

Problem-solving experiments show that the first thing to go when pressure is increased is creativity. Creativity is an outgrowth of time, patience, clear-thinking, freedom, respite. Once creative problem-solving is squashed, ideas run dry and hope for the future is greatly diminished. Thinking becomes like molasses.

Finally, suicide is not meant to punish other people. That’s far too devious a motive to ascribe to the person buried under a mountain of ash, unable to gasp a full breath, [afflicted with a] racing heart, feelings of dread, terror, panic, shame…these are the words and feelings I have heard about.

Please do not refer to someone’s suicide as a selfish BIG FUCK YOU. See it from their pinhole shaft of light. Would I be angry at another disease that takes a loved one’s life? Would I feel shame if my child or parent is taken by cancer or pneumonia? No...I would understand that an illness took his life.

Blog title: All Things Mental | Post Title: What is Suicide? | Post Date: April 24, 2015

Author: Christina Neumeyer, M.A. | Blogging from: Carlsbad | Blogging since: February 2010

Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Matthew Stewart’s protest song earns heavy spins online

“Alternative Facts” uses the catchphrase coined by presidential counselor Kellyanne Conway
Next Article

Fabian Nunez fails to work magic for Mercury lobbying firm

Santee's Mayor Minto can't write his column
Comments
0

Be the first to leave a comment.

Sign in to comment

Sign in

Art Reviews — W.S. Di Piero's eye on exhibits Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Best Buys — San Diego shopping Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits City Lights — News and politics Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Famous Former Neighbors — Next-door celebs Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town Here's the Deal — Chad Deal's watering holes Just Announced — The scoop on shows Letters — Our inbox [email protected] — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Of Note — Concert picks Out & About — What's Happening Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Pour Over — Grab a cup Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer News — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Set 'em Up Joe — Bartenders' drink recipes Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Sports — Athletics without gush Street Style — San Diego streets have style Suit Up — Fashion tips for dudes Theater Reviews — Local productions Theater antireviews — Narrow your search Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Waterfront — All things ocean Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close