Hazel or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)

“Hazel,” barked Mr. B. “Drop Harold off at school, meddle in the affairs of this week’s guest star, and fill out my Oscar ballot!”

It’s a case of “You don’t do windows; I don’t do screeners.” Word just arrived that certain Oscar voters have been known to ply domestics with Fendi bags — bursting at the seams with Academy screeners — and ask that the hired help do the voting for them.

In an interview with Radio Times, long-serving film critic Barry Norman revealed, “There’s the question of whether all the voters actually saw all the films. It’s not unknown for some, especially the elderly, to get their maids to watch them on DVD and deliver their opinions.” Norman believes this to be the reason behind The Help earning four Oscar noms.

Even with screeners dropped on their doorsteps, certain members of Hollywood’s elite electorate refuse to watch all of the nominated films. All the more reason to do away with digital screeners. Force drowsy voters to work for their art. Have their chauffeurs drive them to screenings.

Norman continued: “Just being nominated for an Oscar is a victory in itself. It’s only when it comes to picking the winners that everyone votes in every category and the whole thing becomes little better than a crapshoot. Personal likes and dislikes come into play. You might vote for someone simply because he or she was nice to you on the set.”

So much for arts and science. For more venting, be sure and join me for this Sunday’s live-Oscar blog.