Post Title: Looking for Miss Right
Post Date: March 20, 2014
Male, English-American, almost one year old, looking for love. Cheeky, handsome, and future Ivy League–educated boy seeks a mischievous young girl with high energy levels who will get into scrapes and general shenanigans with me. I enjoy walks on the beach, sunsets, digging holes, taking things out of cupboards, pulling books off shelves, and rummaging through people’s bags.
Interested? Call 619-DATE-SUDS
Post Title: Earning My Keep
Post Date: March 22, 2014
Because I’m growing into such a big boy now (it’s my first birthday April 5th, just an FYI), my Ma says I have to start doing chores around the house! So I bit her. But I guess she’s the boss. Ma said I’m too young to mix her up a cocktail, so I have to start with the sweeping.
Post Title: H is for Harrison
Post Date: April 3, 2014
My Ma and Pa have been trying to teach me the alphabet by reading lots of A-Z books. But it’s come to our attention that they are flawed in their teachings. Some, like Animals in Underwear ABC, are rather inappropriate. It’s practically Playboy for babies!!! There is even a nude at the end. And it gets worse. It’s inaccurate. X for Extra-large Pig. Really?
Some other alphabet books like to teach bad morals. Although it can be funny (Uglybirds being Ugly), you shouldn’t point out ugly people (or birds). It’s impolite.
So we decided to take a trip to the zoo to find our own A-Z of animals! Firstly, I am Harrison. H for Harrison! I am also T for Tigger. We had already learned two letters and hadn’t even arrived at the zoo yet. We were off to a winning start....
Z is for Zebra. Coming to the end of our day I was D for Dog tired, so last stop was the zebras. They are just stripy horses, really, but you can’t ride them.
Post Title: Birthday Boy
Post Date: April 9, 2014
The Big Day was finally here. It was my first birthday! For those of you too young to know what this means, it was a whole year since I started living. My Ma kept saying, “It’s a year ago today since you…” and I’ll stop right there because it turns out where I was a year ago was pretty disgusting. It wasn’t a scenic route I took into this world, I’ll tell you that. After presents (lots), I took a two-minute nap and we then headed off to the beach. I let my Ma borrow my bucket so she could build me a sandcastle and she did a good job. But I like to encourage her to better herself so I destroyed it for her, so she could try and build a better one.
Post Title: The Cake Incident
Post Date: April 11, 2014
On my birthday I was allowed something that is called “cake.” I wasn’t the least bit interested. My Ma baked this sloppy thing that was such an odd colour. I wasn’t sure whether to touch it at first. Was I allowed? It was just set down on the floor for me, like I was a common house pet. They kept saying, “Come on! Dig in!” They wanted me to get all dirty and covered in cake so they could take a funny photo. Don’t they humiliate me enough? I’ll show them some manners, I thought. So I trotted off and brought back a spoon. This is how people are supposed to eat. I showed my Ma and Pa how to scoop up the food with my spoon, instead of breaking it apart with my hands like they kept trying to do. Animals! I almost took a bite and the thought of it made me throw up a little in my mouth. I eventually clambered into my high chair and ate a very small piece of it. I guess it must be a really healthy food as they were desperate for me to eat it. I just wanted my watermelon. I was much happier when I could put on some of my fabulous new clothes and pose with my balloon instead of a messy cake!
[Posts edited for length]
Title: Harrison: Baby Abroad | Address: harrison-babyabroad.tumblr.com
Author: Harrison | From: Point Loma | Blogging since: July 2013