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Dark Shadows: Dark Secrets, Grave Mistakes

Movie

Dark Shadows *

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Tim Burton’s tiresome tribute to the TV goth soaper, with Johnny Depp fully committed as the heavily made-up vampire Barnabas. Their devotion is real, but the film is a rummage of poor gags and plot fragments that add up to little. It has campy design touches, corny creep-outs, vivid women (Michelle Pfeiffer, Bella Heathcote, witty Helena Bonham Carter, vampy witch Eva Green), and an aura of wasted expenditure. With Jackie Earle Haley, Christopher Lee, and a tiny cameo by the late Jonathan Frid, the definitive Barnabas.

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Director Tim Burton might never equal his early pinnacle Pee-wee’s Big Adventure, with its tight budget and its design in splendid sync with weird little Pee-wee Herman. Burton came close with Beetlejuice and Ed Wood, achieved satirical laughs in Mars Attacks!, and used some brilliant styling in Edward Scissorhands and Sleepy Hollow. But he is increasingly prone to bulky, digitalized crash-and-burn parties such as Dark Shadows.

Burton’s pal and favorite star, Johnny Depp, is a keen fan of the cultish goth-soaper series on TV (1966–1971). Cheaply made, it found a following because of quirky humor and the posturing but sexy Canadian star Jonathan Frid as vampire Barnabas Collins. Depp, of course, is the new Collins (Frid, who died last month, has a tiny cameo). Frid served up camp well. His ham had some good marbling. Depp just looks white and waxy, a dress-up figure with a British accent in debt to Hammer Films stars (Christopher Lee has a guest gig in this movie).

Burton’s design team had fun with the Collins mansion, to which Barnabas returns in 1972 after nearly 200 years in a chained coffin. He rehabs it, but the set never becomes a living character like the big houses in both versions of The Haunting. It is a display bin for nostalgia tokens such as a Smurf doll and lava lamp and old hit tunes. That leads to Alice Cooper doing his dead, dated thing again (the “joke” is that Barnabas thinks Cooper is a woman). And, in 2012, what is the point of mocking spaced-out hippies?

Jackie Earle Haley plays a yokel Igor. Helena Bonham Carter is a soused shrink (ace American accent). Big-eyed newcomer Bella Heathcote appears to be going for a WAHA (Wannabe Audrey Hepburn Award). Michelle Pfeiffer must be playing the Spirit of Perfection Past, facing Eva Green as a vampy witch with immaculate skin. A few times, Green seems ready to take over the movie like Tina Turner in Tommy, but soon we are back to hokey gags, crashing chandeliers, fake-looking fires.

What worked in tasty episodes of daytime TV now seems stretched, bloated, and pulverized. Didn’t Depp and Burton study the weak movie spinoffs made in 1970 and ’71? Not everything popular needs to be recycled. Dark Shadows is a warning to keep the coffin shut.

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Movie

Dark Shadows *

thumbnail

Tim Burton’s tiresome tribute to the TV goth soaper, with Johnny Depp fully committed as the heavily made-up vampire Barnabas. Their devotion is real, but the film is a rummage of poor gags and plot fragments that add up to little. It has campy design touches, corny creep-outs, vivid women (Michelle Pfeiffer, Bella Heathcote, witty Helena Bonham Carter, vampy witch Eva Green), and an aura of wasted expenditure. With Jackie Earle Haley, Christopher Lee, and a tiny cameo by the late Jonathan Frid, the definitive Barnabas.

Find showtimes

Director Tim Burton might never equal his early pinnacle Pee-wee’s Big Adventure, with its tight budget and its design in splendid sync with weird little Pee-wee Herman. Burton came close with Beetlejuice and Ed Wood, achieved satirical laughs in Mars Attacks!, and used some brilliant styling in Edward Scissorhands and Sleepy Hollow. But he is increasingly prone to bulky, digitalized crash-and-burn parties such as Dark Shadows.

Burton’s pal and favorite star, Johnny Depp, is a keen fan of the cultish goth-soaper series on TV (1966–1971). Cheaply made, it found a following because of quirky humor and the posturing but sexy Canadian star Jonathan Frid as vampire Barnabas Collins. Depp, of course, is the new Collins (Frid, who died last month, has a tiny cameo). Frid served up camp well. His ham had some good marbling. Depp just looks white and waxy, a dress-up figure with a British accent in debt to Hammer Films stars (Christopher Lee has a guest gig in this movie).

Burton’s design team had fun with the Collins mansion, to which Barnabas returns in 1972 after nearly 200 years in a chained coffin. He rehabs it, but the set never becomes a living character like the big houses in both versions of The Haunting. It is a display bin for nostalgia tokens such as a Smurf doll and lava lamp and old hit tunes. That leads to Alice Cooper doing his dead, dated thing again (the “joke” is that Barnabas thinks Cooper is a woman). And, in 2012, what is the point of mocking spaced-out hippies?

Jackie Earle Haley plays a yokel Igor. Helena Bonham Carter is a soused shrink (ace American accent). Big-eyed newcomer Bella Heathcote appears to be going for a WAHA (Wannabe Audrey Hepburn Award). Michelle Pfeiffer must be playing the Spirit of Perfection Past, facing Eva Green as a vampy witch with immaculate skin. A few times, Green seems ready to take over the movie like Tina Turner in Tommy, but soon we are back to hokey gags, crashing chandeliers, fake-looking fires.

What worked in tasty episodes of daytime TV now seems stretched, bloated, and pulverized. Didn’t Depp and Burton study the weak movie spinoffs made in 1970 and ’71? Not everything popular needs to be recycled. Dark Shadows is a warning to keep the coffin shut.

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3

Better idea to not have made it a comedy.

May 9, 2012

But the original TV show was essentially a comedy, and how could anyone who is not a slow-witted vampire ever take the material seriously? What had some quirky zip and zap over 40 years ago is now just a rummage bin of dated satire and weary schtick, oversold by a big budget. This stuff essentially died with Jonathan Frid. Still, Eva Green is worth an ogle, and Helena Bonham Carter, though not having fun at the level of her Bellatrix in the Potter films, has moments.

May 9, 2012

I have not seen the movie, but the trailer looked pretty silly. I'd say we saw in Warlock and Time after Time ("Fries are pommes frittes!") most of the jokes (in concept) about Barnabas dealing with modern technology. And then it adds the double-whammy of showing us how "silly" the '70s were. Even in the trailer, the movie looks very self-conscious. You can almost hear the winks and the knowing grins. I wouldn't be surprised if there are shots with actors playing directly to the camera.

The TV series may be comedic and campy in retrospect, but I took it at face value back then. I would enjoy a decently made dramatic Dark Shadows movie. But certainly much of that desire stems from nostalgia.

May 10, 2012

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