Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Drunk Baker

David's popover
David's popover

There are a lot of weird things people do when they’re inebriated. Some drunk dial (not recommended), others drunk drive (so very unbelievably uncool); some drunk smoke, some drunk kiss (or more, and stop looking at me like that), and of course, there are those who tend toward drunk dancing – the same ones who would never, ever dance when sober.

My man? He drunk bakes. Not the dopey smokey kind of bake -- mixing pot with alcohol is a fast track to puking. No, David actually bakes, like with flour and shit.

Sponsored
Sponsored

I’d forgotten about this quirk of his, as we rarely have fresh baking materials (i.e., milk) on hand. We keep eggs and flour, sugar and salt, but we don’t drink milk; David only buys enough for whatever it is he plans to make for specific events. But the other night, my man made a discovery.

Our friend Terri was over – I’d lured her into our abode with the promise of wine so I could tap her creativity for a project of mine. After dinner and two bottles of PKNT, David went straight to the kitchen. He takes his role as host more seriously when drinking, as if the lightheartedness of a buzz compels him to be even more hospitable than usual. The wine was gone, and our guest could not have an empty glass, oh no, this would not do. David hummed his way around the kitchen to create a cocktail. He must have tasted quite a bit as he worked, because his smile was a little looser by the time he delivered our glasses.

A while later, David went back to the kitchen. He gasped as he opened the fridge. There before him was a gallon of milk, a whole great big white jug. Seconds after he closed the refrigerator, I heard the telltale beeping of the oven being preheated.

“Uh oh, I hope you left some room,” I said to Terri. “David drunk bakes. He’ll be offended if you don’t taste whatever it is he whips up now.” I explained to Terri that it was my sister Jane who left the milk. “She meant to bring it home, her kids go through the stuff like water, but she kept having to run errands after working and said it was easier just to leave it hear and grab another jug on her way home, I don’t know.”

To her credit, Terri accepted this information with a polite smile, as if I’d just told her I was thinking of getting my hair cut. I was amazed that David, who didn’t seem able to lift his feet entirely off the floor as he shuffled back and forth, had the wherewithal to fetch his laptop, find the recipe he was looking for, and successfully measure the right amounts of flour, eggs, milk, and salt.

About 45 minutes later, David served up a freshly baked popover. He topped it with ground salt and powdered sugar. “This is the best one you’ve ever made,” I said, as I reached for my second piece. “I’m going to ask Jane to leave milk here and then get you drunk more often.”

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Best Sports Betting Sites - 10 Online Sportsbooks Ranked for 2024

Best Sports Betting Sites (2024) - Reviews of TOP Online Sportsbooks
David's popover
David's popover

There are a lot of weird things people do when they’re inebriated. Some drunk dial (not recommended), others drunk drive (so very unbelievably uncool); some drunk smoke, some drunk kiss (or more, and stop looking at me like that), and of course, there are those who tend toward drunk dancing – the same ones who would never, ever dance when sober.

My man? He drunk bakes. Not the dopey smokey kind of bake -- mixing pot with alcohol is a fast track to puking. No, David actually bakes, like with flour and shit.

Sponsored
Sponsored

I’d forgotten about this quirk of his, as we rarely have fresh baking materials (i.e., milk) on hand. We keep eggs and flour, sugar and salt, but we don’t drink milk; David only buys enough for whatever it is he plans to make for specific events. But the other night, my man made a discovery.

Our friend Terri was over – I’d lured her into our abode with the promise of wine so I could tap her creativity for a project of mine. After dinner and two bottles of PKNT, David went straight to the kitchen. He takes his role as host more seriously when drinking, as if the lightheartedness of a buzz compels him to be even more hospitable than usual. The wine was gone, and our guest could not have an empty glass, oh no, this would not do. David hummed his way around the kitchen to create a cocktail. He must have tasted quite a bit as he worked, because his smile was a little looser by the time he delivered our glasses.

A while later, David went back to the kitchen. He gasped as he opened the fridge. There before him was a gallon of milk, a whole great big white jug. Seconds after he closed the refrigerator, I heard the telltale beeping of the oven being preheated.

“Uh oh, I hope you left some room,” I said to Terri. “David drunk bakes. He’ll be offended if you don’t taste whatever it is he whips up now.” I explained to Terri that it was my sister Jane who left the milk. “She meant to bring it home, her kids go through the stuff like water, but she kept having to run errands after working and said it was easier just to leave it hear and grab another jug on her way home, I don’t know.”

To her credit, Terri accepted this information with a polite smile, as if I’d just told her I was thinking of getting my hair cut. I was amazed that David, who didn’t seem able to lift his feet entirely off the floor as he shuffled back and forth, had the wherewithal to fetch his laptop, find the recipe he was looking for, and successfully measure the right amounts of flour, eggs, milk, and salt.

About 45 minutes later, David served up a freshly baked popover. He topped it with ground salt and powdered sugar. “This is the best one you’ve ever made,” I said, as I reached for my second piece. “I’m going to ask Jane to leave milk here and then get you drunk more often.”

Comments
Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Didja know I did the first American feature on Jimi Hendrix?

Richard Meltzer goes through the Germs, Blue Oyster Cult, Ray Charles, Elvis, Lavender Hill Mob
Next Article

Melissa Etheridge, The Imaginary Amazon

Events April 1-April 3, 2024
Comments
Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.