4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Thanks to Jack by Jordan Keith

It was one of my favorite events of the year: the Brazil Carnaval at 4th&B. She and I had just met, but we danced the samba as if we had known each other forever. The loud, pulsating South American beats accompanied by the six Jack and Cokes I had consumed gave me a semblance of rhythm that I didn’t know I possessed. We danced, I spun, she dipped, we kissed. She said she wanted to get to know me better; I’m sure I said the same. I gave her my business card, which has my cell number on it, and told her to call. (In my stupor I didn’t think to get her number.) I left feeling like the biggest pimp of all time.

I woke up feeling like the biggest loser of all time. My friend Jack Daniel’s had turned on me. Last night’s memories were a jumble. I remember the drinking, the dancing, the music, the kiss. What I couldn’t remember, thanks to the alcoholic haze, was what she looked like. I assumed she was pretty, but Mr. Daniel’s had been successful in the past in causing me to slum it. Alas, I didn’t get her number, so I resigned myself to the fact that I would never know — until she called me three days later.

I was giddy and apprehensive at the same time. Our chemistry from Carnaval carried over to the phone conversation, and we set a date for the following Friday. Now, from my limited experience with the fairer sex, the pretty girls don’t chase. It’s up to the guy to initiate, and if you don’t have the number you’re out of luck. Her calling me should have been a warning, but my ego was shouting, “Of course she’s cute! You’re good looking, you’re awesome. Any hot girl would call you. She’s going to be pretty — go out there and get it!”

Despite my ego, I was still skeptical, so I decided to set the date in an area that I knew I wasn’t likely to run into anyone I know. I chose Chula Vista. I arrived early at an authentic Italian restaurant by the name of the Olive Garden to secure a table. The hostess told me that it would a be a 40-minute wait, which shows you that the Chulajuana residents know good eating. I sat outside and waited for her to arrive. I suspected that she must be doing the classic hot-girl move of being late on purpose. She finally showed, wearing heels, black capris, and a white top. She smiled, I smiled back, we hugged, and I hated myself. Yes, my friends, she was ugly.

It was at that time that I wished I was an even bigger jerk than I am so that I could have made some excuse and gotten out of there. But I stayed. She didn’t make it easy, though. In addition to being offensive to my eyes, she was doused in some terrible perfume, stinging my nostrils with every whiff. She was a talker, too. Everything from her work to her hobbies to her family to the time she was proposed to. Knowing that at least at some point someone liked her enough to want to marry her made me feel better about the fact that I was sitting there with her. Aside from that tidbit, I was bored.

Every time the waiter came by our table, he would smirk at me in a “Dude, are you serious?” kind of way. Plus, our order was forgotten by the cooks, which lengthened the date by 30 minutes.

I paid for dinner and walked her to her car. We exchanged goodnights, and she drove away. I shook my head, cursed life, and vowed never to let Jack Daniel’s get one over on me again.

Tell us the story of your breakup and/or date from hell and we will publish it and pay you ($100 for 500-2000 words).

E-mail story to
[email protected]
Or mail to:
San Diego Reader/Dumped
Box 85803
San Diego, CA 92186

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all

Previous article

Last topless bar in North San Diego County

Price of land prevents re-opening of the Main Attraction
Next Article

The Carpetbaggers part two: Elizabeth Ashley makes her screen debut

Of all the women who figure into Jonas’ life, she is the only one who isn’t a prostitute.

It was one of my favorite events of the year: the Brazil Carnaval at 4th&B. She and I had just met, but we danced the samba as if we had known each other forever. The loud, pulsating South American beats accompanied by the six Jack and Cokes I had consumed gave me a semblance of rhythm that I didn’t know I possessed. We danced, I spun, she dipped, we kissed. She said she wanted to get to know me better; I’m sure I said the same. I gave her my business card, which has my cell number on it, and told her to call. (In my stupor I didn’t think to get her number.) I left feeling like the biggest pimp of all time.

I woke up feeling like the biggest loser of all time. My friend Jack Daniel’s had turned on me. Last night’s memories were a jumble. I remember the drinking, the dancing, the music, the kiss. What I couldn’t remember, thanks to the alcoholic haze, was what she looked like. I assumed she was pretty, but Mr. Daniel’s had been successful in the past in causing me to slum it. Alas, I didn’t get her number, so I resigned myself to the fact that I would never know — until she called me three days later.

I was giddy and apprehensive at the same time. Our chemistry from Carnaval carried over to the phone conversation, and we set a date for the following Friday. Now, from my limited experience with the fairer sex, the pretty girls don’t chase. It’s up to the guy to initiate, and if you don’t have the number you’re out of luck. Her calling me should have been a warning, but my ego was shouting, “Of course she’s cute! You’re good looking, you’re awesome. Any hot girl would call you. She’s going to be pretty — go out there and get it!”

Despite my ego, I was still skeptical, so I decided to set the date in an area that I knew I wasn’t likely to run into anyone I know. I chose Chula Vista. I arrived early at an authentic Italian restaurant by the name of the Olive Garden to secure a table. The hostess told me that it would a be a 40-minute wait, which shows you that the Chulajuana residents know good eating. I sat outside and waited for her to arrive. I suspected that she must be doing the classic hot-girl move of being late on purpose. She finally showed, wearing heels, black capris, and a white top. She smiled, I smiled back, we hugged, and I hated myself. Yes, my friends, she was ugly.

It was at that time that I wished I was an even bigger jerk than I am so that I could have made some excuse and gotten out of there. But I stayed. She didn’t make it easy, though. In addition to being offensive to my eyes, she was doused in some terrible perfume, stinging my nostrils with every whiff. She was a talker, too. Everything from her work to her hobbies to her family to the time she was proposed to. Knowing that at least at some point someone liked her enough to want to marry her made me feel better about the fact that I was sitting there with her. Aside from that tidbit, I was bored.

Every time the waiter came by our table, he would smirk at me in a “Dude, are you serious?” kind of way. Plus, our order was forgotten by the cooks, which lengthened the date by 30 minutes.

I paid for dinner and walked her to her car. We exchanged goodnights, and she drove away. I shook my head, cursed life, and vowed never to let Jack Daniel’s get one over on me again.

Tell us the story of your breakup and/or date from hell and we will publish it and pay you ($100 for 500-2000 words).

E-mail story to
[email protected]
Or mail to:
San Diego Reader/Dumped
Box 85803
San Diego, CA 92186

Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Irish coffee meets mezcal at Metl Bar Creamery & Cafe

“Warning to the public — be careful when sipping!”
Next Article

Tsai Ming-liang bathes Days in pink moments

There’s nothing left inside him to justify an enthusiastic awakening.
Comments
4

How do you know she didn't think you were "fugly" and was just trying to be nice? I thought your story was classless. You're the kind of guy us "pretty girls" won't go out with. Typical. There's a good reason why you're still single chum.

June 7, 2008

Why was it classless? Because he was being honest? I totally disagree. This story was one of the best i've read..........he went out with her, was kind to her, and no harm done, sounds like.

Nov. 11, 2008

You can tell he's classless because he went out for a first date at Olive Garden!

Jan. 12, 2009

lol well yeah i will give you that much...eww. i can't stand olive garden. but i do think he handled it well. i mean he could have ditched her, or been rude to her. sounds like she had a good time... xo

April 9, 2009

Sign in to comment

Sign in

Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town Letters — Our inbox [email protected] — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close