Quantcast
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Heave-Ho Heifer

Hey, Matt:

Three people from back East told me they had participated in cow-tipping episodes. When I said that I didn't believe them, they said that since I am not from back East, I wouldn't know about it. I saw a commercial claiming that cows in California are happier than any other place, but the laws of physics do not change based upon the mental state of a bovine. A cow weighs more than 1000 pounds and cannot be tipped over by a 150-pound person. They also said that the technique involves sneaking up on the cow while it is sleeping, but cows do not sleep standing up. What do you think? Are you from back East?

-- Skeptic from Chicago

A survey of the Friends of Matthew Alice, a neighborhood knitting and hip-hop society, reveals one person (from back East) who went out one late night (back East) with a friend (from back East) to tip a cow (also from back East). Alabama, I believe, was the state in question. Anyway, friend hopped fence, ran toward cow. Cow actually a bull. Friend beat bull back to fence. The End.

So, my question for you: How many physicists does it take to turn cow-tipping stories into bull pucky? Two. Up in Canada. They penciled out the masses and angles and Newtons and all that physicist stuff and estimated that it would take from two to five people to tip a cow. And that's only if the cow was for some reason highly cooperative or maybe catatonic -- nonreactive to a pack of drunk teens approaching it. Cows are more alert than they look. And, the California happy cows aside, they can get pretty irked if you invade their territory. And of course, cows don't sleep standing up. They doze on the hoof; that's about all. Tipping a cow is not like knocking over a 1500-pound statue. Even if you reach the cow -- hey, you figure the thing's going to move away from you? Hard to knock over a moving bovine. Lotsa drunk fun and giggling amid the cow pies, maybe. Not much tipping.

Our friends the science guys consider cow-tipping stories to be rural myths. Maybe dreamed up by some smarty-pants farmer to fool us urban slickers. But I'm sure we'll hear from a few hayseeds telling us their own stories of mayhem in the meadow and how their cousin's friend once rolled a cow down a hill. We're ready. Lay 'em on us.

Hey, Matt:

My dear boyfriend and I are having a discussion about one particular law in California. I seem to remember hearing on the news in January that it had become a law that if you have your car windshield wipers on, you must have your headlights on. I looked it up on the California DMV booklet, and it does state that if it is raining you must have your headlights on. But my dear boyfriend says that does not mean it is a law. I think the news media was just amplifying it. But is it an actual law that you must have your headlights on if it is raining?

-- KS Cricket, via e-mail

So, your boyfriend believes the headlights-wipers thing is...what?...a friendly suggestion? Uh, yeah, a friendly suggestion that will remove $45 from his wallet if he ignores it. Of course it's an actual law. That's what we elect lawmakers to do. Make laws about stuff like this. If they don't make laws, and lots of them, they'll look as if they're asleep at the wheel. California is absolutely chock full of laws. We have the most productive legislators in the country. So, anyway, consider California Vehicle Code 24400, in re: "headlamps." Went into effect in July of 2005 and says we must turn on our headlights during darkness or "inclement weather." That's when we are unable to see a person or another vehicle on the highway from a distance of 1000 feet. But our legislators are such perfectionists, so eager to please and appear productive, that for the next year they fiddled around with 24400 and came up with the even better 24400(b)(2). That demands we turn on our headlights under any condition that "require(s) the windshield wipers to be in continuous use due to rain, mist, snow, fog, or other precipitation or atmospheric moisture." We already had VC 26707, which required us to operate wipers under conditions of fog, snow, or rain. But the amendment to 24400 forged the final, legislatively satisfying headlights-wipers link that had been missing. It went into effect last January.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all

Previous article

Mainly Mozart does drive-up at Del Mar Fairgrounds

Fiddle music, Billy Joel, and Purcell trumpet sonata
Next Article

Tropical terrycloth

Lexington Field, Wanted Noise, Jelani Aryeh, Belladon, Planet B

Hey, Matt:

Three people from back East told me they had participated in cow-tipping episodes. When I said that I didn't believe them, they said that since I am not from back East, I wouldn't know about it. I saw a commercial claiming that cows in California are happier than any other place, but the laws of physics do not change based upon the mental state of a bovine. A cow weighs more than 1000 pounds and cannot be tipped over by a 150-pound person. They also said that the technique involves sneaking up on the cow while it is sleeping, but cows do not sleep standing up. What do you think? Are you from back East?

-- Skeptic from Chicago

A survey of the Friends of Matthew Alice, a neighborhood knitting and hip-hop society, reveals one person (from back East) who went out one late night (back East) with a friend (from back East) to tip a cow (also from back East). Alabama, I believe, was the state in question. Anyway, friend hopped fence, ran toward cow. Cow actually a bull. Friend beat bull back to fence. The End.

So, my question for you: How many physicists does it take to turn cow-tipping stories into bull pucky? Two. Up in Canada. They penciled out the masses and angles and Newtons and all that physicist stuff and estimated that it would take from two to five people to tip a cow. And that's only if the cow was for some reason highly cooperative or maybe catatonic -- nonreactive to a pack of drunk teens approaching it. Cows are more alert than they look. And, the California happy cows aside, they can get pretty irked if you invade their territory. And of course, cows don't sleep standing up. They doze on the hoof; that's about all. Tipping a cow is not like knocking over a 1500-pound statue. Even if you reach the cow -- hey, you figure the thing's going to move away from you? Hard to knock over a moving bovine. Lotsa drunk fun and giggling amid the cow pies, maybe. Not much tipping.

Our friends the science guys consider cow-tipping stories to be rural myths. Maybe dreamed up by some smarty-pants farmer to fool us urban slickers. But I'm sure we'll hear from a few hayseeds telling us their own stories of mayhem in the meadow and how their cousin's friend once rolled a cow down a hill. We're ready. Lay 'em on us.

Hey, Matt:

My dear boyfriend and I are having a discussion about one particular law in California. I seem to remember hearing on the news in January that it had become a law that if you have your car windshield wipers on, you must have your headlights on. I looked it up on the California DMV booklet, and it does state that if it is raining you must have your headlights on. But my dear boyfriend says that does not mean it is a law. I think the news media was just amplifying it. But is it an actual law that you must have your headlights on if it is raining?

-- KS Cricket, via e-mail

So, your boyfriend believes the headlights-wipers thing is...what?...a friendly suggestion? Uh, yeah, a friendly suggestion that will remove $45 from his wallet if he ignores it. Of course it's an actual law. That's what we elect lawmakers to do. Make laws about stuff like this. If they don't make laws, and lots of them, they'll look as if they're asleep at the wheel. California is absolutely chock full of laws. We have the most productive legislators in the country. So, anyway, consider California Vehicle Code 24400, in re: "headlamps." Went into effect in July of 2005 and says we must turn on our headlights during darkness or "inclement weather." That's when we are unable to see a person or another vehicle on the highway from a distance of 1000 feet. But our legislators are such perfectionists, so eager to please and appear productive, that for the next year they fiddled around with 24400 and came up with the even better 24400(b)(2). That demands we turn on our headlights under any condition that "require(s) the windshield wipers to be in continuous use due to rain, mist, snow, fog, or other precipitation or atmospheric moisture." We already had VC 26707, which required us to operate wipers under conditions of fog, snow, or rain. But the amendment to 24400 forged the final, legislatively satisfying headlights-wipers link that had been missing. It went into effect last January.

Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Local teacher defends his profession

Pageantry of the classroom has been replaced by Zoom tiles
Next Article

Unexpendable Rambo

The first and fourth foray
Comments
0

Be the first to leave a comment.

Sign in to comment

Sign in

Art Reviews — W.S. Di Piero's eye on exhibits Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Best Buys — San Diego shopping Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits City Lights — News and politics Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Famous Former Neighbors — Next-door celebs Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town Here's the Deal — Chad Deal's watering holes Just Announced — The scoop on shows Letters — Our inbox [email protected] — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Of Note — Concert picks Out & About — What's Happening Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Pour Over — Grab a cup Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Set 'em Up Joe — Bartenders' drink recipes Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Sports — Athletics without gush Street Style — San Diego streets have style Suit Up — Fashion tips for dudes Theater Reviews — Local productions Theater antireviews — Narrow your search Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Waterfront — All things ocean Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close