Quantcast
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

The Honest Guy by Sally Hall

Within five minutes of meeting Stan (not his real name), I was head over heels for him. He was ten years my senior and had that confidence that can come with an age advantage and, as I later decided, a narcissistic personality disorder. The kind of confidence that was like a sucker punch to the face, blinding me to all his faults that were lurking in the periphery.

We met through online dating. Our first date was over coffee, and it went so well that we went right on to dinner. Throughout dinner he filled me with all the compliments that this simple girl from Iowa had always longed to hear: "You are such a beautiful woman," "You're so smart... I'm not surprised you were an honor student," "I love how you hold your neck at an angle when you laugh like that." Before we parted, he wrapped his arm around my waist and gave me a kiss that made my feet melt. I stumbled back to my car. I was smitten.

From the second date to the second month of our relationship we had a passionate romance. I stayed in his house at least two nights a week, sometimes three. Weekend mornings were long and lazy, days filled with fun and adventure and nights filled with passion. But my gut kept screaming at me about something, and I didn't know what it was until I asked him what he wanted out of life. That's when he laid it all out.

"I've got to be honest with you," he said. "If you think I'm ever going to marry you, I'm not. I know that you don't have a weight problem, but obesity runs in your family, and I wouldn't want that for my children. Also, your income level is not attractive at all. My ex-wife was making six figures, and I won't even consider marrying someone who doesn't make at least that much."

Instead of laughing in his face and leaving without looking back, I asked if he was breaking up with me. "No, we can still hang out until I find someone else." The worst part is, I stayed with this man for a while longer. For the next six weeks I cried every night and pretended every day at work that I wasn't in a major depression. I would see him on occasion, and he would tell me about the other women he was dating. I figured he wasn't being dishonest so it didn't really matter that he was seeing other people -- as if honesty made this situation okay.

Eventually he found a girl who wore a size six, made six figures, and enjoyed hearing him talk about himself as much as I did in the beginning. It took months for the sting of it all to leave me. In the end, I wasn't mad at him. I was mad at myself. I let him treat me that way. I was so desperate for affection and human interaction that I let him treat me like crap just to get some semblance of either. With that realization, I made a promise to myself to never allow someone to treat me like that again. That was three years ago, and I've kept my promise.

Tell us the story of your breakup and/or date from hell and we will publish it and pay you ($100 for 500-2000 words).

E-mail story to
[email protected]
Or mail to:
San Diego Reader/Dumped
Box 85803
San Diego, CA 92186

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all

Previous article

Hard times for San Diego County cities

Hard times for 17 San Diego County cities
Next Article

Treetop Tutoring Center: Jeanne Volk‘s triple tutoring whammy

“Kids miss school friends they were used to seeing and playing with most days.”

Within five minutes of meeting Stan (not his real name), I was head over heels for him. He was ten years my senior and had that confidence that can come with an age advantage and, as I later decided, a narcissistic personality disorder. The kind of confidence that was like a sucker punch to the face, blinding me to all his faults that were lurking in the periphery.

We met through online dating. Our first date was over coffee, and it went so well that we went right on to dinner. Throughout dinner he filled me with all the compliments that this simple girl from Iowa had always longed to hear: "You are such a beautiful woman," "You're so smart... I'm not surprised you were an honor student," "I love how you hold your neck at an angle when you laugh like that." Before we parted, he wrapped his arm around my waist and gave me a kiss that made my feet melt. I stumbled back to my car. I was smitten.

From the second date to the second month of our relationship we had a passionate romance. I stayed in his house at least two nights a week, sometimes three. Weekend mornings were long and lazy, days filled with fun and adventure and nights filled with passion. But my gut kept screaming at me about something, and I didn't know what it was until I asked him what he wanted out of life. That's when he laid it all out.

"I've got to be honest with you," he said. "If you think I'm ever going to marry you, I'm not. I know that you don't have a weight problem, but obesity runs in your family, and I wouldn't want that for my children. Also, your income level is not attractive at all. My ex-wife was making six figures, and I won't even consider marrying someone who doesn't make at least that much."

Instead of laughing in his face and leaving without looking back, I asked if he was breaking up with me. "No, we can still hang out until I find someone else." The worst part is, I stayed with this man for a while longer. For the next six weeks I cried every night and pretended every day at work that I wasn't in a major depression. I would see him on occasion, and he would tell me about the other women he was dating. I figured he wasn't being dishonest so it didn't really matter that he was seeing other people -- as if honesty made this situation okay.

Eventually he found a girl who wore a size six, made six figures, and enjoyed hearing him talk about himself as much as I did in the beginning. It took months for the sting of it all to leave me. In the end, I wasn't mad at him. I was mad at myself. I let him treat me that way. I was so desperate for affection and human interaction that I let him treat me like crap just to get some semblance of either. With that realization, I made a promise to myself to never allow someone to treat me like that again. That was three years ago, and I've kept my promise.

Tell us the story of your breakup and/or date from hell and we will publish it and pay you ($100 for 500-2000 words).

E-mail story to
[email protected]dreader.com
Or mail to:
San Diego Reader/Dumped
Box 85803
San Diego, CA 92186

Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

As COVID-19 lockdown lifted, mayoral fundraising delivered better results

Bry outdoes Gloria
Next Article

What makes a home in San Diego

Cedar fire, wary of Clairemont, rooming with my son in North Park, last vacant beachfront lots, building paradise above Rancho Santa Fe
Comments
0

Be the first to leave a comment.

Sign in to comment

Sign in

Art Reviews — W.S. Di Piero's eye on exhibits Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Best Buys — San Diego shopping Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits City Lights — News and politics Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Famous Former Neighbors — Next-door celebs Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town Here's the Deal — Chad Deal's watering holes Just Announced — The scoop on shows Letters — Our inbox [email protected] — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Of Note — Concert picks Out & About — What's Happening Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Pour Over — Grab a cup Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer News — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Set 'em Up Joe — Bartenders' drink recipes Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Sports — Athletics without gush Street Style — San Diego streets have style Suit Up — Fashion tips for dudes Theater Reviews — Local productions Theater antireviews — Narrow your search Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Waterfront — All things ocean Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close