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I looked at the time -- 10:00 p.m. -- and at least 30 percent of the crowd was tipsy. When I asked one of birthday girl's older relatives how to spell Dana, she said, "D-A-Y-N-A." She was slurring a bit. Her husband came over a few minutes later and said, "It isn't spelled with a Y." I said, "Yeah, after she spelled it, I noticed it wasn't written that way on the cake."

A little kid walked by and handed me a flyer for some club. I said, "You aren't old enough to get into this club." He replied, "Someone just paid me to hand these out."

I sought out my dancing friend who was with her daughter. "I wonder what some of the older relatives here think of all the tattoos," I said. Standing nearby was a woman who had a tattoo of a gun shooting hearts out the barrel and dripping blood. I asked dancing lady what she would do if her daughter came home with ink. "My kids are good. My daughter would never do that. We're real tight. We have a close relationship, and I know everything she does."

I wondered how many of these kids' parents thought that.

I looked over and saw that the drunken flasher was lifting her dress and showing other parts of her body.

As I was leaving a girl asked me, "Can you finish this cupcake? I only took one bite out of it." I said, "Why don't you just toss it?"

"I don't like wasting food."

I responded, "Yeah. There are starving kids in China that would love this cupcake." I grabbed it and took a bite as I walked away.

Who cares if I get frosting on my nose. I'm leaving.

Crash your party? Call 619-235-3000 x421 and leave an invitation for Josh Board.

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