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He Ain't Pesky, He's My Grandma

Dear Matthew:

A while ago I was trying to figure out what to do about a huge ant infestation in my house. I got to thinking that when most people have a house full of ants or cockroaches, they can go to the store and buy a spray or something or they can call an exterminator. But what do Buddhists do when they have a house full of bugs?

-- Ant Buster, San Diego

Ah, grasshopper, you have come to the correct universal source for all obscure knowledge. No profound fountain of facts is complete without a direct connection to the wisdom of the Buddhadharma, though most of you seem to ask questions better answered by Caltrans or the DMV. No matter. The Buddhist priest on Team Matthew Alice is nothing if not patient. Finally, his moment has come, and he does not disappoint.

When placed in the situation you describe or any other in which human health or life is at stake, one must ask, which sentient being stands the greatest chance of reaching Enlightenment and leading others there? Our answer, of course, is not the cockroach or the ant but the human being. "But all creatures have been, countless times, our mother, protecting and loving us, and we naturally wish them not to suffer," says our priest. So "one respectfully makes this painful choice and prays that the creatures that are killed may quickly achieve conditions in which they can take on human form and respond to the Buddhadharma. There are prayers to advance these unfortunate creatures on their journey and by which we do not take on negative karma for the act.... It [is] best to pray before, during, and after the act of killing," and in fact pray this every day "as part of our intention to help all beings transcend suffering and reach Enlightenment."

So, grasshopper, your answer seems to be, they pray, they squish, they pray.

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Dear Matthew:

A while ago I was trying to figure out what to do about a huge ant infestation in my house. I got to thinking that when most people have a house full of ants or cockroaches, they can go to the store and buy a spray or something or they can call an exterminator. But what do Buddhists do when they have a house full of bugs?

-- Ant Buster, San Diego

Ah, grasshopper, you have come to the correct universal source for all obscure knowledge. No profound fountain of facts is complete without a direct connection to the wisdom of the Buddhadharma, though most of you seem to ask questions better answered by Caltrans or the DMV. No matter. The Buddhist priest on Team Matthew Alice is nothing if not patient. Finally, his moment has come, and he does not disappoint.

When placed in the situation you describe or any other in which human health or life is at stake, one must ask, which sentient being stands the greatest chance of reaching Enlightenment and leading others there? Our answer, of course, is not the cockroach or the ant but the human being. "But all creatures have been, countless times, our mother, protecting and loving us, and we naturally wish them not to suffer," says our priest. So "one respectfully makes this painful choice and prays that the creatures that are killed may quickly achieve conditions in which they can take on human form and respond to the Buddhadharma. There are prayers to advance these unfortunate creatures on their journey and by which we do not take on negative karma for the act.... It [is] best to pray before, during, and after the act of killing," and in fact pray this every day "as part of our intention to help all beings transcend suffering and reach Enlightenment."

So, grasshopper, your answer seems to be, they pray, they squish, they pray.

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4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
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