Quantcast
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

End of the Year Quiz from MA questions, 1999.

You know the drill -- #2 Ticonderoga, no cheat sheets, no whining, no prizes, so don't even bother to ask. Wisdom is its own reward. This is all stuff you didn't know a year ago. It's all stuff you didn't even know you wanted to know a year ago. Your horizons are widened. The scales (and those dopey Orphan Annie sunglasses) have fallen from your eyes. You're one more rung up the insufferable-know-it-all ladder that leads to ultimate wonkdom and geekiosity. And gets you X'd from everybody's cocktail party lists. You'll thank me later.

1. Southern Californians need help identifying the seasons. As a public service, we discussed which of these traditional and reliable signs of spring?

(a) Roses bloom

(b) There are still places to park in P.B.

(c) Hawks and ravens steal and eat eggs and babies from birds' nests; victims' parents begin dive-bombing, head-pecking wars against the raptors; San Diegans watch transfixed, then write to Matthew Alice to find out why a finch would attack a hawk

(d) Spring training opens; managers begin talking about how the Padres are in a rebuilding year

2. Match the following familiar words with the stories of their origins.

(a) Wgasa (b) Zzyzx (c) Ungawa (d) Matthew Alice

(1) A radio evangelist and snake-oil salesman made it up and used it to name his desert "health spa" so he "would always have the last word."

(2) Movie scriptwriters thought they made it up but later found out it in fact means "join together" in Swahili.

(3) Two San Diegans suggested to the zoo that the word sounded appropriately African, failing to mention they used it as their personal shorthand for "Who gives a shit anyway?"

(4) Who knows what they were thinking when they made it up? They have apologized publicly several times.

3. The official flower of the city of San Diego is:

(a) Bird-of-paradise (b) Poinsettia (c) Carnation (d) Washable plastic geraniums (e) Cactus

4. The official motto of the city of San Diego is Semper Vigilans. It means:

(A) Look out for the cactus! (B) Something else

5. Matthew Alice is pleased to get mail from persons of all walks of life -- anyone capable of hitting an envelope with a stamp. But every year, many of those persons believe it's cute to send mail signed by which of the following?

(a) their cats (b) their children (c) their cats (d) rational people (e) their cats.

6. Which of the following is not a real federal fact?

(a) The feds own the air space inside your mailbox, but not the box itself, which can be shaped like any cute idea that pops into your head, as long as the carrier can identify it as a mailbox.

(b) San Diego County has streets named after every American president except Millard Fillmore. To keep our record intact, anyone planning to vote for Donald Trump or Al Gore should seriously reconsider his or her choice.

(c) There are three exciting ways to break federal law with a common household fax machine!

(d) A woman in Maryland has written a book revealing how Prince Charles of England is being groomed to take over the new world government that is being organized secretly in a back room at the United Nations. Charles will redecorate the White House in a Liverpool pub theme.

(e) The U.S. Mint produced no quarters in 1975.

(f) If you think the preceding is a real federal fact, you're not paying attention, as usual. The feds made quarters in '75, they just dated them all 1976, for the bicentennial year.

(g) We know the Marines don't rent the land at Camp Pendleton from anybody, because not even the feds could afford a cleaning deposit that covered grenade and tank damage.

7. The most scary or disgusting fact we learned this year is:

(a) People are terrified of clowns because of their pasty white faces and googly eyes and huge lips and out-of-control hair and flappy shoes and ballooning costumes that can be hiding almost anything!

(b) Brominated vegetable oil can be found in most U.S. citrus drinks. It's molecules of bromine crammed into citrus oil to help suspend it in the soda. BVO is banned in all those puking, mewling, cowardly countries unwilling to take a gastronomic risk.

(c) If you're so fat that your head would come off if you were hanged, you'll probably win your sentencing appeal; the judges will consider ripping your head off cruel and inhumane. Instead they'll kill you by lethal injection.

(d) Some people believe that other people can spontaneously burst into flames. One such believer explains this happens because we each have inside our cells an arrangement of atoms called a pyrotron, which, if agitated, sets our insides on fire.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all

Previous article

Thai Joints rule in the Heights

Pick up or delivery, Thai fans have it good on Adams Avenue
Next Article

Will San Diego survive a fall without classical music?

Just as symphony, Mainly Mozart, La Jolla Music Society were getting stronger

You know the drill -- #2 Ticonderoga, no cheat sheets, no whining, no prizes, so don't even bother to ask. Wisdom is its own reward. This is all stuff you didn't know a year ago. It's all stuff you didn't even know you wanted to know a year ago. Your horizons are widened. The scales (and those dopey Orphan Annie sunglasses) have fallen from your eyes. You're one more rung up the insufferable-know-it-all ladder that leads to ultimate wonkdom and geekiosity. And gets you X'd from everybody's cocktail party lists. You'll thank me later.

1. Southern Californians need help identifying the seasons. As a public service, we discussed which of these traditional and reliable signs of spring?

(a) Roses bloom

(b) There are still places to park in P.B.

(c) Hawks and ravens steal and eat eggs and babies from birds' nests; victims' parents begin dive-bombing, head-pecking wars against the raptors; San Diegans watch transfixed, then write to Matthew Alice to find out why a finch would attack a hawk

(d) Spring training opens; managers begin talking about how the Padres are in a rebuilding year

2. Match the following familiar words with the stories of their origins.

(a) Wgasa (b) Zzyzx (c) Ungawa (d) Matthew Alice

(1) A radio evangelist and snake-oil salesman made it up and used it to name his desert "health spa" so he "would always have the last word."

(2) Movie scriptwriters thought they made it up but later found out it in fact means "join together" in Swahili.

(3) Two San Diegans suggested to the zoo that the word sounded appropriately African, failing to mention they used it as their personal shorthand for "Who gives a shit anyway?"

(4) Who knows what they were thinking when they made it up? They have apologized publicly several times.

3. The official flower of the city of San Diego is:

(a) Bird-of-paradise (b) Poinsettia (c) Carnation (d) Washable plastic geraniums (e) Cactus

4. The official motto of the city of San Diego is Semper Vigilans. It means:

(A) Look out for the cactus! (B) Something else

5. Matthew Alice is pleased to get mail from persons of all walks of life -- anyone capable of hitting an envelope with a stamp. But every year, many of those persons believe it's cute to send mail signed by which of the following?

(a) their cats (b) their children (c) their cats (d) rational people (e) their cats.

6. Which of the following is not a real federal fact?

(a) The feds own the air space inside your mailbox, but not the box itself, which can be shaped like any cute idea that pops into your head, as long as the carrier can identify it as a mailbox.

(b) San Diego County has streets named after every American president except Millard Fillmore. To keep our record intact, anyone planning to vote for Donald Trump or Al Gore should seriously reconsider his or her choice.

(c) There are three exciting ways to break federal law with a common household fax machine!

(d) A woman in Maryland has written a book revealing how Prince Charles of England is being groomed to take over the new world government that is being organized secretly in a back room at the United Nations. Charles will redecorate the White House in a Liverpool pub theme.

(e) The U.S. Mint produced no quarters in 1975.

(f) If you think the preceding is a real federal fact, you're not paying attention, as usual. The feds made quarters in '75, they just dated them all 1976, for the bicentennial year.

(g) We know the Marines don't rent the land at Camp Pendleton from anybody, because not even the feds could afford a cleaning deposit that covered grenade and tank damage.

7. The most scary or disgusting fact we learned this year is:

(a) People are terrified of clowns because of their pasty white faces and googly eyes and huge lips and out-of-control hair and flappy shoes and ballooning costumes that can be hiding almost anything!

(b) Brominated vegetable oil can be found in most U.S. citrus drinks. It's molecules of bromine crammed into citrus oil to help suspend it in the soda. BVO is banned in all those puking, mewling, cowardly countries unwilling to take a gastronomic risk.

(c) If you're so fat that your head would come off if you were hanged, you'll probably win your sentencing appeal; the judges will consider ripping your head off cruel and inhumane. Instead they'll kill you by lethal injection.

(d) Some people believe that other people can spontaneously burst into flames. One such believer explains this happens because we each have inside our cells an arrangement of atoms called a pyrotron, which, if agitated, sets our insides on fire.

Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Tennis with François Truffaut and Donal Logue

The film is helped immensely by casting four leads to play their own tennis
Next Article

Thai Joints rule in the Heights

Pick up or delivery, Thai fans have it good on Adams Avenue
Comments
0

Be the first to leave a comment.

Sign in to comment

Sign in

Art Reviews — W.S. Di Piero's eye on exhibits Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Best Buys — San Diego shopping Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits City Lights — News and politics Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Famous Former Neighbors — Next-door celebs Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town Here's the Deal — Chad Deal's watering holes Just Announced — The scoop on shows Letters — Our inbox [email protected] — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Of Note — Concert picks Out & About — What's Happening Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Pour Over — Grab a cup Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer News — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Set 'em Up Joe — Bartenders' drink recipes Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Sports — Athletics without gush Street Style — San Diego streets have style Suit Up — Fashion tips for dudes Theater Reviews — Local productions Theater antireviews — Narrow your search Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Waterfront — All things ocean Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close