It seems as though a lot of us, the hopeful romantics of the world, spend our lives searching for that special person who can compliment us. We have a dream, whether real or not, who's to say, but we believe and by believing we strengthen our resolve to find this individual. We keep searching for this "soul mate" that we know is out there just beyond our reach.

The logical, pragmatic ones do not have to worry about this; they know that they are their own master; the ones who control their own destiny and provide themselves with all of the self sustaining influence and materialisms that they need to live their lives to the fullest.

We, the romantic ones, are attracted to the love story. We have been brought up believing that the fairy tale is possible. We believe it is not only possible but mandatory.

They, the pragmatics, see the world with a whole different perspective. They are a part of a world that sees in black and white, in right and wrong, in yes and no. While we, the hopeless (or hopeful) romantics, see the world in vivid colors. We dream in color and we live in color. Whether right or wrong, we live with our feelings out there for the world to see.

Herein lies what I believe is the ultimate difference between the two philosophies; one sees the world as he imagines and dreams it could be and the other sees the world as he believes it is. One thinks nothing lasts forever and the other believes that it will, should and does.

As different as they are, both aspects of life are sustainable to a relationship. The problem occurs when we, as one type of individual, try to change the other into what we want this other personality type person to become. As long as we know, going in, that no matter how much we want this other type person to feel what we feel, or think what we think, it probably is never going to happen.

We, as idealists, approach life through all that we perceive it to be, we believe in soul mates and in happily ever after. The analytical ones, who see the world as they have proven it to be, believe in what is here and now and believe that whimsy and fancy is only for the young.

As we dream big, we still want that great, great dream of love to someday come true for us and we wonder if two of the romantic, emotional souls could ever truly love forever or if the intense emotions would tear them apart and lead them down a road filled with tempestuous turmoil. Is it possible, we wonder, for two of the discerning, more logical souls to find true, never-ending love and happiness or are they just content with companionship and never really feel the passion that can sweep over the true romantics of the world?

It sometimes seems as though these logical ones see the person they are with as someone to love instead of, as the romantics feel, the one great love. The romantics seem to keep searching, hoping that their soul mate will appear, sweep them off their feet and pledge their undying love. It seems that no matter how content they may be in the here and now they keep thinking and truly believing they can have it all. They believe that with their resolve and passion they can mold Mr. Logic into Mr. Romance. By believing this, the romantics may not realize that maybe, just maybe Mr. Logic is a romantic in his own way and maybe he's happy with the life he has chosen. It also seems that the logical ones are hoping that the sentimental, romantic types are some day going to become realistic and logical and not so sensitive to the utopia of the moment.

I have spent a good part of my life watching what I like to refer to as the great love stories or great love affairs of history. It is uplifting to know that they do exist and are rewarding in their own right. In my search for the great romances I am starting to realize that maybe there can be a blending of the two personality types and maybe it is this blending that helps to form the true love stories that last and endure.

Is it passion that turns some sagas from the ordinary into the extraordinary? Is it the blending and meshing of the souls that constitutes a lifetime love affair? Or maybe what embodies a complete love affair, full of passion and logic, with each of the two complimenting each other and nourishing each other, is the differences between the two with one being the leather and the other the lace.

The glue that holds them together and keeps them in love and helps them to maintain faithfulness may be this understanding of each other and the complimenting of each other that forms an unbreakable bond. It may be the complete trust and belief that this love will last the test of time and will endure forever. This love is a partnership, a friendship, a passionate love affair and all who are fortunate enough to find it are blessed beyond belief...

Just a thought.

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Ruth Newell Jan. 22, 2012 @ 9:31 p.m.

They are. Blessed beyond belief, BR. They truly are. This is a stunningly beautifully worded essay. Thank you. Sincerely.


nan shartel Jan. 23, 2012 @ 1:42 p.m.

i'm going to have to think about difficulty is the Western influence of the thought here

the either/or and only melancholics r black and white in their perceptions

it's sad that Greek logical thought (the either/or deductive type) is the one primarily used and the (inductive logic)type only shows itself in scientific revelation (which is often only proven to be correct in the future)

in Eastern thought the philosophy is BOTH r correct and therefore dynamic...a way of thinking that fits perfectly into the truth of human dynamism quote: She did not consciously think, "Ah, today I learned this and that; I gained this much." You do not do it step by step that way, by adding on coatings of varnish, or new paint. When learning becomes you, then it appears as you need it, when you are being you. Sometimes true learning surprises you when it emerges.

(Chungliang Al Huang)

nothing is lost in the's authentically in the "here and now"...and the excitement and ecstasy of the blending is ever apparent and realized in the moment...and then love will blossom in the bleakness of any winter mindset


Ruth Newell Jan. 23, 2012 @ 6:38 p.m.

I hear you, Nan. But I think her ending brings it all 'round to that, actually. There is compatibility and then there is complementary aspects of any relationship--yours and mine even. I used to think when the differences began to appear that meant things were doomed. I have recently learned, that's not necessarily so. I actually think the complimentary aspect to be the road revelation and am still chewing on that--given I've not ever been married or long loved, what say you mistress of life long love? Been thinking about this piece all day long actually...I think I'm both--if that's possible. A l'o bit ov lace, and a whole lo' ov lever.


nan shartel Jan. 24, 2012 @ 5:16 p.m.

i agree with u roody..."all roads do lead to Rome" in one way or another

understanding is a key...but the honoring of each of our own personhood and individual differences opens the lock

u r a both...and i honor ur right to be...friendship freely given strings attached

the first 15 years of my life i lived in chaos and abandonment ....had an unsuccessful 3 year marriage and a 20 year hiatus

the last 30 years i have been happily married but i was by the time i met Bobby well verse in the important elements of living and loving

u are too wonderful not to be dearly loved and in fact cherished...and i see u finding that kind of love in ur life...but choose a gypsy kiddo...cause u like to travel


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