An exciting new way to lose weight and burn calories!! From the Cats of Ocean Beach, we present, for a mere $29.99, plus shipping and handling, this innovative method of exercise!! Ten years of research studying the habits of cats has been condensed to create this ground-breaking exercise routine. Act now and you will receive an additional video at no extra cost. We've selected an excerpt from the video, to illustrate this exciting new technique, guaranteed to get you into tip-top shape!!!

A Cat's Life

Find sunbeam, slump, repeat daily.

Here are some testimonials from our satisfied customers!!

HG, from Little Rock, AR: "I've been using the Cat Exercise Video for three weeks now, and I've never been happier!! Since learning to perfect "the slump", my beer-drinking technique has improved, and I am no longer self-conscious eating while lying down!!"

PS, from Wichita, KS: "As a housewife with a hygiene adverse family, the Cat Exercise Video came right when I was at my wit's end!! My family has perfected the "lick yourself clean" exercise, and just our savings on water this month has more than paid the cost of the program!! Thank you, Cat Exercise Video, for saving my family!"


CuddleFish April 14, 2010 @ 10:39 a.m.

LOLOLOL!!!! Right up my alley!!! You're going to make a fortune!!!! :))


MsGrant April 14, 2010 @ 11:04 a.m.

I've added testimonials from our customers....


antigeekess April 14, 2010 @ 6:59 p.m.

Don't forget eating. Chewing burns calories. :)


MsGrant April 14, 2010 @ 7:29 p.m.

Oh, it's in there!! Buy the video, and you will be privy to all the calorie burning secrets of the Cats of Ocean Beach!!

Just a hint at the calorie busting cat moves:

The Stretch

The Scratch

The Yawn

The Butt

These are just a few of the secret cat moves that will change you from a couch potato to a sleek, unemployed, bed-loving self-cleaning machine in just a few weeks - no explanation required!! If your friends ask, just show them the butt!


CuddleFish April 14, 2010 @ 9:46 p.m.

I haven't laughed so hard since AG turned up those bridal flipflops!!!!


SDaniels April 14, 2010 @ 10:21 p.m.

"sleek, unemployed, bed-loving self-cleaning machine in just a few weeks"

Hmmm. I already fit this bill, with the exception of "sleek." Employed, but just barely :)

RE: testimonial of HG from Little Rock:

"Since learning to perfect "the slump", my beer-drinking technique has improved, and I am no longer self-conscious eating while lying down!!""

Just make sure you don't start "hanging" over the water bowl.

Grant, you KNOW you do need some legal disclaimers, or the FDA will be after you:

"This product not intended to cure, diagnose, treat any disease or condition" yadayadayada

Of course, if you show me "the butt," technique, I'll rewrite your testimonials for you :)


SDaniels April 14, 2010 @ 10:25 p.m.

Sample testimonial rewrite:

"Finally! An exercise video I can do with my cat! It has brought us closer together than I could hope. Thanks Cat Exercise Video, from me and Boots!"


MsGrant April 15, 2010 @ 8:53 a.m.

The Cats of Ocean Beach have the best legal defense kibble can buy. "The Butt" is a difficult maneuver for advanced cat workouts, and the video goes into great detail on how to purrfect your technique, but the attached are examples of "The Butt":


CuddleFish April 15, 2010 @ 9:20 p.m.

AG, I cracked up at the first two. :))

The last link, no show. :(


MsGrant April 15, 2010 @ 9:30 p.m.

No way, is that tat for real? If so, it is the perfect showcase for "The Butt".


antigeekess April 16, 2010 @ 8:51 a.m.

Dammit! Sorry, Cuddle. That link worked when I posted it. Seems to work for me now in Explorer, but not with Firefox. Let's try it again. (It's one-of-a-kind, unfortunately. It's a good one, too.)

Or perhaps as a cut and paste. Replace the word "colon" with an actual colon.


More than one way to skin a you-know-what! :)


CuddleFish April 16, 2010 @ 10 a.m.

Oh my word!!!

No skinning you-know-what's here!!!


antigeekess April 16, 2010 @ 12:16 p.m.

Of course not. :)

That notion's even more appalling than when people paint them. (Hopefully, you were able to view that link to see what I'm talking about.)

If not, you can try this one.

The departure of a feline has never been so entertaining.


CuddleFish April 16, 2010 @ 12:28 p.m.

Yes, that's what the Oh My Word referred to! But actually the second link is better, because it's bigger, you get more of the, erm, flavor, dingleberry variety, than in the first link. ;)

Do people paint cats??? AG, how do you know these things???

I swear, you make me feel like I lead a sheltered life!


MsGrant April 16, 2010 @ 12:57 p.m.

Oh, no they did not!! My cats would not tolerate such indignity. That belly-button butt tattoo was really funny.


MsGrant April 17, 2010 @ 8:24 a.m.

I just know there is a little Rembrandt hiding in Peanut, now if I can convince her to apply herself just a little bit....


CuddleFish April 17, 2010 @ 9:43 a.m.

I'm afraid I can't appreciate Mongoose's impressionistic smears of her wet food all over the kitchen floor. However, the hairballs she pukes up are pretty intriguing.


MsGrant April 17, 2010 @ 9:46 a.m.

Tiger's hairballs are a work of art, accompanied by some unique vocals.


CuddleFish April 17, 2010 @ 9:55 a.m.

I think we are headed in the direction of performance art here, MsG. :)


MsGrant April 17, 2010 @ 10:04 a.m.

Marina Abramovic's got nothin' on these cats!!


nan shartel April 17, 2010 @ 1:31 p.m.

that's it!!!

put em to work so they can support ya

get out that video camera again!!!


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