4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Unimagined Unimaginative Love

Okay, the love my boyfriend and I share is basically an oxymoron. Never did I imagine “unimaginative love,” (as in: conventional, predictable ) could be better than what I could concievably imagine. Really, not kiddin', guys.

My idea of love was lots of heart-flutters, shivers up the spine, kinetic energy, passion, lust, spontaneity, undying honor, worship, an I’d-die-for-you mindset, obsession, infatuation, and hopefully, co-dependency. Now that was romantic to me. I thought: I’ll never be one of those girls that chooses the nice guy…Because, well, uh, yeah, nice, is uh, well you know, nice is boring.

How in the you-know-what did I let this ubiquitous albeit non-sequitar: "nice is boring" become one of my core definitions of love? Where did I learn this? From Hollywood movies? The tawdry romance novels I ate up as a young impressionable girl?

After having about ten of these insidiously destructive relationships in a row, I finally called it quits. For awhile.

I recall being in my shrinks office and telling her about my last flame…how he was “so awful, so moody, so hard to get along with, so selfish.” But that he was also, “so dark, but oh so sexy, so enigmatic, so exciting, so titillating, so charismatic…” I wrapped it up by saying: “Gosh, I know we aren’t good for each other, but damnit, I love him. It’s hard to describe, this love thing. It so defies logic. It’s ephemeral…”

You got that right. As if “defying logic” was a really great thing, and anything logical was of course, boring.

I’ll never forget the way my shrink nodded sagely, and answered: “Your relationship is lamentably common…You have no idea how so alone you’re not. Many, many people share your sentiment on what love is. It seems to be a Universal Problem. Even amongst the most well-adjusted of people. People simply do not know what is bad for them and what is good…”

Too bad, at the time I could not understand the full gravitas of her statement. I remained convinced that being with someone “nice but boring” was wholly unacceptable. That I might even die of boredom. It was tantamount to Paul Theroux’s famous quote: “Most men live their lives in quiet desperation.”

Then I met my man. We worked together at Jaguar Automotive selling cars. He took an immediate interest in me. This I did not want. What I wanted was his knowledge of all things cars. Seeing he was stubbornly not giving up, I became the ultimate liar . I told him: “Gosh, I didn’t want to tell you this, but I’m a lesbian.”

This was the beginning of a feeling slightly resembling love. We were on the car lot when I told him, and I swear to God, he cried. This I found excuriatingly touching. I was used to a guy responding like this: “Really? No problem, when can we all hook up?”

We agreed to just be friends. Our relationship, stripped of all romantic pretension suddenly became relaxed and pleasant...I even began wanting to see him. He had a calming and sometimes invigorating influence on me. His voice was so soothing and his manner so easy going. Especially when I ruminated about the job: he’d always find a way to make light of my grumbles. He also liked to take me for long country walks just to get me some fresh air. He worried I holed up in my apartment too much and it wasn’t doing my mood any good. And as an extremely wonderful bonus: He was funny! I no longer relied on my fake, obligatory laugh--real belly laughter had replaced it.

Slowly, sexual attraction took root. When I first met him, I thought he was “too old” ‘cause I was into younger guys. I shoulda just said I was into “shallow guys not looking for anything serious with an old bag like me.” But when we finally made love, I thought: Wow what have I been missing all these years! Way misjudged this book cover!

We’ve been together for seven years. It’s almost like everyday is a gift: seeing him in the morning perched comfortably in his designated spot on the couch, sipping coffee from his favorite cup. And once again, seeing him in the same spot at night, sipping coffee from his favorite cup. His stability and predictability is what I awesomely needed; I’m already chaotic as it is…why I wanted more of that…But just like my shrink said: “We don’t know what is good for us.”

He always treats me with respect. He’s not moody. He’s not selfish. He’s funny smart kind strong and sexy. I even like him, and most def, can trust him. So my previous belief was categorically wrong: Nice guys are not boring! They’re greaaaat!

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all

Previous article

UCSD misses out on Covid and Fema gravy trains

Toni Atkins' love of horses
Next Article

SEALS in Afghanistan, Panama, Vietnam, Grenada

Killer training in Coronado, spying for Koch in America's Cup race

Okay, the love my boyfriend and I share is basically an oxymoron. Never did I imagine “unimaginative love,” (as in: conventional, predictable ) could be better than what I could concievably imagine. Really, not kiddin', guys.

My idea of love was lots of heart-flutters, shivers up the spine, kinetic energy, passion, lust, spontaneity, undying honor, worship, an I’d-die-for-you mindset, obsession, infatuation, and hopefully, co-dependency. Now that was romantic to me. I thought: I’ll never be one of those girls that chooses the nice guy…Because, well, uh, yeah, nice, is uh, well you know, nice is boring.

How in the you-know-what did I let this ubiquitous albeit non-sequitar: "nice is boring" become one of my core definitions of love? Where did I learn this? From Hollywood movies? The tawdry romance novels I ate up as a young impressionable girl?

After having about ten of these insidiously destructive relationships in a row, I finally called it quits. For awhile.

I recall being in my shrinks office and telling her about my last flame…how he was “so awful, so moody, so hard to get along with, so selfish.” But that he was also, “so dark, but oh so sexy, so enigmatic, so exciting, so titillating, so charismatic…” I wrapped it up by saying: “Gosh, I know we aren’t good for each other, but damnit, I love him. It’s hard to describe, this love thing. It so defies logic. It’s ephemeral…”

You got that right. As if “defying logic” was a really great thing, and anything logical was of course, boring.

I’ll never forget the way my shrink nodded sagely, and answered: “Your relationship is lamentably common…You have no idea how so alone you’re not. Many, many people share your sentiment on what love is. It seems to be a Universal Problem. Even amongst the most well-adjusted of people. People simply do not know what is bad for them and what is good…”

Too bad, at the time I could not understand the full gravitas of her statement. I remained convinced that being with someone “nice but boring” was wholly unacceptable. That I might even die of boredom. It was tantamount to Paul Theroux’s famous quote: “Most men live their lives in quiet desperation.”

Then I met my man. We worked together at Jaguar Automotive selling cars. He took an immediate interest in me. This I did not want. What I wanted was his knowledge of all things cars. Seeing he was stubbornly not giving up, I became the ultimate liar . I told him: “Gosh, I didn’t want to tell you this, but I’m a lesbian.”

This was the beginning of a feeling slightly resembling love. We were on the car lot when I told him, and I swear to God, he cried. This I found excuriatingly touching. I was used to a guy responding like this: “Really? No problem, when can we all hook up?”

We agreed to just be friends. Our relationship, stripped of all romantic pretension suddenly became relaxed and pleasant...I even began wanting to see him. He had a calming and sometimes invigorating influence on me. His voice was so soothing and his manner so easy going. Especially when I ruminated about the job: he’d always find a way to make light of my grumbles. He also liked to take me for long country walks just to get me some fresh air. He worried I holed up in my apartment too much and it wasn’t doing my mood any good. And as an extremely wonderful bonus: He was funny! I no longer relied on my fake, obligatory laugh--real belly laughter had replaced it.

Slowly, sexual attraction took root. When I first met him, I thought he was “too old” ‘cause I was into younger guys. I shoulda just said I was into “shallow guys not looking for anything serious with an old bag like me.” But when we finally made love, I thought: Wow what have I been missing all these years! Way misjudged this book cover!

We’ve been together for seven years. It’s almost like everyday is a gift: seeing him in the morning perched comfortably in his designated spot on the couch, sipping coffee from his favorite cup. And once again, seeing him in the same spot at night, sipping coffee from his favorite cup. His stability and predictability is what I awesomely needed; I’m already chaotic as it is…why I wanted more of that…But just like my shrink said: “We don’t know what is good for us.”

He always treats me with respect. He’s not moody. He’s not selfish. He’s funny smart kind strong and sexy. I even like him, and most def, can trust him. So my previous belief was categorically wrong: Nice guys are not boring! They’re greaaaat!

Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Comments
0

Be the first to leave a comment.

Sign in to comment

Sign in

Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town Letters — Our inbox [email protected] — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close