Sam Spital, Stanley Siegel, UFO fans, Mary Kay, Scientology, Pernicano fight over Cole Porter, sea turtles, Elvis impersonators, flying bullets on India Street, our only member of Mega
Brae Canlen 8:30 a.m., April 20
There's a digital advance of Outside Your Door, the coming album from IB rockers Hocus in my inbox. Hocus is Fat Lando on vox and guitars, with Rhino the drummer and Lolita on bass and backup vocals. The release date is set for November 19. Herewith is a track-by-track accounting of the much anticipated new music from the two-time San Diego Music Awards nominees.
Bipolar Girl: My cat walked out of the house once in protest when I played a Mower cassette tape at volume in the living room. This time, when Fat Lando's voice comes booming out of my speakers, the cat runs out of the house.
My Insanity: Half way through this track I realize I have to get the cat back and that somehow I have lost my car keys but no matter. I'm in a mood to steal my neighbor's motor home. Who will know? After all, she's in the hospital.
Better Than You: Be very afraid. But, of what?
Here I Go: Jim Morrison would have dug the, ahh, blatant copping of his band's one good lick from "Riders on the Storm" which then veers off musically into Hocusland, a dark place full of bitchen amplifier noise and much yelling.
Jimmy Stones: I get the impression that there really is a Jimmy Stones, and that he owes someone in the Hocus band a lot of money.
Mary's Fault: A woman you dated a couple of times calls one night and says: There's Something I Need to Tell You. This song is what the pause that always comes right after that opening line feels like. Nice reworking of the riff from the Black Crowe's "No Speak No Slave," btw.
Five to One: The Hocus band needs to write the remaining Doors a very big check. They have violated rule number one: never make your version sound better than the band you are covering, especially if they are sanctified.
It's Been 10 Years: This is the one song on the album that fools a listener into thinking Hocus may have a cheerful side: "It's been 10 years," Flando sings, "since you have died."
Pain Reliever: Why has this band not taken home SDMA gold yet?
Banshee: It is physically impossible to drive around Coronado and headbang considering the speed limit here is a strictly enforced crawl. Traffic cops are everywhere. While I'm rooting around in the glove box, looking for my proof of insurance and registration and not finding anything that looks familiar, that's when I remember that I have stolen my neighbor's motor home.
Photo: John Richards