So my boyfriend, Phil, asked me if I would like to go to Ensenada, Mexico on Sunday for the whole day to visit our coworkers family and have some delicious seafood. It sounded amazing and I was all for it. It was a great day too until we were detained at the border on our way back. It started after we handed our passports to the guard and he asked my boyfriend if he ever had problems with his passport. He said no. The guard then calmly asked to put our hands on the dashboard and then the guy in the booth took Phil’s keys and left. As strange as this was to me I just figured that it was a random stop. I mean we have clean records. I think the worst thing that I have done is bring my library book back a year later (and I paid the fine so I should be off the hook). I said “I wonder where he went” and my boyfriend said “I wonder why they have guns on us”. I laughed and thought he was kidding until I looked in the side mirror…there they were with semi automatic weapons with lasers. Lasers! It started to dawn on me that this might not be random afterall.

Then someone got on a speakerphone and said “put your hands out the window” so we did. Then they said “driver with your left hand open the truck door from the outside”..as Phil was trying to open the door I noticed he had his seatbelt on so I yelled out the window “but he has his seatbelt on” so then they so intelligently said “driver, take off your seatbelt” (it was a little funny to me…not so much for Phil). Then they had him walk backwards with his hands in the air while they aimed their guns (did I mention they had lasers?) on him. Then they said “passenger" (that was me) "open the door with your right hand from the outside” again I said “I’m just going to take my seatbelt off first” (still funny). Then they had me walk backwards with my hands in the air to where they were, take two steps to the left, kneel down and then they handcuffed me (by the way I was in my socks because I took my sneakers off for the ride and didn’t think trying to put them back on would go over well with the men with automatic rifles).

I asked “am I under arrest?” and the extremely serious Mexican guard said “no ma’am you are just being detained”. I was kind of getting a kick out of all of this since we are the least likely to be at the border first of all never mind handcuffed and hauled away. So a U.S. guard starts asking me questions, “what’s your name, what’s his name, who owns the truck” and I was fine until he said “is someone else still in the truck with you” and I practically screamed “someone’s in the truck?!?” apparently I forgot our friend Albert rode in our truck most of the way (had a few margaritas) and then left to go meet his friend who was driving his truck when we got close to the border (we were stuck in traffic). When I heard Phil tell them that I calmed down…such drama I am. Anyway, after getting pat down and felt up by some complete stranger, they went through our bags and told us to have a seat.

Forty five minutes later I said to Phil, “this isn’t funny anymore” and he said “it never was”. Then the guard said to us and some other drunk post T.J. bar hoppers, “we are working on getting you out of here”. So I asked, “can you tell us why we are here?” and he said, “I don’t know” and Phil asked “well, shouldn’t you??”. About twenty minutes later the lady guard gave us our stuff back and basically shrugged and said she didn’t know if it would happen again. What we got from all of this is that Phil has the same name as some wanted criminal but they couldn’t even tell us what “agency” red flagged us. Phil has to write a letter to request that the information be disclosed to him.

And that ladies and gentlemen is a fine example of how a little thing like mistaken identity really ruins a good day. Next time I’ll settle for Roberto's Taco Shop…