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Daisy's Pushing Daisies

Jessica Simpson is famous to different people for different reasons.

To music fans, for her crappy pop songs. To football fans, for dating Tony Romo and ruining his mojo. To fans of bad reality TV, she had that show with her husband (now exhusband...in which she got confused about whether "chicken of the sea" was fish or chicken).

To fans of The Dukes of Hazard (hi Pete), she was cast as the one to wear the Daisy Dukes in the film version (and ruin the Nancy Sinatra song "These Boots Are Made for Walkin").

Well, she's being made fun of again.

She said she saw her Malti-poo Daisy get snatched away by a coyote.

Now, had she told reporters that, she would've garnered are sympathy. But instead, she's asking for our help. She said if anyone knows the whereabouts of her little Daisy, she's offering a reward.

I'd like to know...if I bring in a bag of poo from the coyote, does that count?

My mom had originally called me to tell me this story, saying the photo she had of the dog looked just like my dog.

I was telling her my dog has been itching and I found a couple flees.

Out of the blue, my mom said "Do you know that fleas have the biggest penises of any animal?"

After a pregnant pause, I said "That's gotta be news to the Sperm Whale."

She continued with "Really, it's true. It's the biggest penis in the animal kingdom."

I laughed saying, "Well, if their c***s were that big, it would be easier finding them on my dog. But, I think what you mean is, in relation to their body size."

Mom replied with "Well of course that's what I meant!"

Things got funnier when she said my stepdad didn't believe this. I laughed and said, "Why not?"

She wasn't sure. I said, "Well, does he realize that ants can carry 4 or 5 times their weight in their jaws alone, and can drag something up to 25 times their weight?"

She replied with "Oh yeah, he knows that."

I asked, "Is that because he's seen leaves and things being carried by ants? Because if that's what he needs for proof, you might want to find yourself a magnifying glass. And I'll bring over a flea. Let's just hope we can pry those little legs open."

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Jessica Simpson is famous to different people for different reasons.

To music fans, for her crappy pop songs. To football fans, for dating Tony Romo and ruining his mojo. To fans of bad reality TV, she had that show with her husband (now exhusband...in which she got confused about whether "chicken of the sea" was fish or chicken).

To fans of The Dukes of Hazard (hi Pete), she was cast as the one to wear the Daisy Dukes in the film version (and ruin the Nancy Sinatra song "These Boots Are Made for Walkin").

Well, she's being made fun of again.

She said she saw her Malti-poo Daisy get snatched away by a coyote.

Now, had she told reporters that, she would've garnered are sympathy. But instead, she's asking for our help. She said if anyone knows the whereabouts of her little Daisy, she's offering a reward.

I'd like to know...if I bring in a bag of poo from the coyote, does that count?

My mom had originally called me to tell me this story, saying the photo she had of the dog looked just like my dog.

I was telling her my dog has been itching and I found a couple flees.

Out of the blue, my mom said "Do you know that fleas have the biggest penises of any animal?"

After a pregnant pause, I said "That's gotta be news to the Sperm Whale."

She continued with "Really, it's true. It's the biggest penis in the animal kingdom."

I laughed saying, "Well, if their c***s were that big, it would be easier finding them on my dog. But, I think what you mean is, in relation to their body size."

Mom replied with "Well of course that's what I meant!"

Things got funnier when she said my stepdad didn't believe this. I laughed and said, "Why not?"

She wasn't sure. I said, "Well, does he realize that ants can carry 4 or 5 times their weight in their jaws alone, and can drag something up to 25 times their weight?"

She replied with "Oh yeah, he knows that."

I asked, "Is that because he's seen leaves and things being carried by ants? Because if that's what he needs for proof, you might want to find yourself a magnifying glass. And I'll bring over a flea. Let's just hope we can pry those little legs open."

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