I had a discussion with someone this morning. They had heard AJs Playhouse (92.5 FM) talk about the movie Bruno (it was okay, but not as funny as I thought it would be).

They said there was a 5 and an 8-year-old in the theatre (and this is an R rated movie that could've been rated X).

I thought AJ and his co-host should've said something to the parents.

The person I was talking to said that accomplishes nothing. I think, at the very least, it makes the parents feel bad and maybe they'll learn. Although, the few times I've done that when children were in R rated movies, just gets angry stares. And I'm lucky a fight didn't start in the parking lot.

You can't complain to the theatres, they've heard it all before. And they don't care.

And with an email someone sent me, and something I saw in Dear Abby, I started thinking all about manners, and what is and isn't appropriate to say to people.

In Dear Abby the other day, a woman complained that her friend jumped on her, because he knows she has caller ID, but still answered the phone with a "Hello?" instead of a "Hi, Steve." He thought it was rude to not say his name.

First of all, I've told people this before. Never let anyone know you have caller ID. Because, once they know that, it's information that can be used against you. Maybe you're screening calls, and they know you're home (the could've seen your car right out front). You'd have no excuse.

I certainly don't think it's rude. But I never cared for someone answering the phone with a "Hey Josh." I'm used to it now, as every cell phone has the caller ID. But it still seems polite to answer with a simple "Hello?" and let the caller say "Hey Josh, it's Steve. We playin' racquetball today?"

If I was Abby, I would've asked what happens if you say "Hi Steve" and it's his wife using his phone to call you, and she has to say "Oh no, Sylvia, it's me, Sharon. I'm just using his phone." Instead, we can avoid all that by just answering our phones the way we have since Bell invented them -- by simply saing "Hello?"

Even if you told your friend Steve to call you right back in one minute. It can ring a minute later, and you should still say "hello?" in case that isn't him.

A friend of mine four days ago, sent a list of manners that you should no longer have to follow in todays society. I didn't agree with all of the list.

One of the things said that you don't have to send a thank-you note or card for every little thing, like borrowing a persons umbrella.

While that may be true, I think society is slipping away from having young people write thank you cards. In this day and age with email correspondence and cell phones, people think they can have little Johnny send a cute email. I think if grandma sends you that big, huge check for $10 in your birthday card, you can sit with little Johnny and teach them how to write a proper thank you card or note.

The list said you no longer have to ask for the brides hand in marriage. Well, I disagree. How hard is it to ask the father? It's a formality, really. Because if the two of you want to get married and the father says, "Over my dead body!" I seriously doubt that will stop you. It's the gesture. And you don't have to "ask" as much as "tell" the father what you're planning. It seems the nice thing to do. It makes the appearance that you're going thru the motions. That you're seeking his approval, etc.

It's like holding a door open for a woman. Yes, of course she's capable of getting the big, heavy door herself. But it's a polite and chivalrous thing to do.

One of the points mentioned that it is now acceptable to wear jeans places that it once wasn't, like restaurants. And while this may be true (and also, in San Diego, include shorts)...I still think it looks bad wearing a baseball cap to the table.

If it's a fast food joint, that's fine. And I guess if it's at Denny's or Applebee's, not the biggest deal.

But if the restaurant is even the least bit more upscale, the cap should be off your head. And nobody seems to realize this (for the folks that wear their hats during the National Anthem at Padre games, you have my permission to just knock them off their heads).

The last thing on the list involved unmarried couples that come to visit, and forcing them to sleep in different rooms. The list stated that this is an outdated practice.

And that may be. But when I went to visit friends that are Christian, in Salt Lake City, I had no problem with my girlfriend and I sleeping in separate rooms. I know what their belief is things. Not to mention the fact that they had a 13-year-old during one of these visits.

I actually think, the bigger picture should be...if you're traveling, it's up to YOU, as the person that is going to be the guest crashing at someones house, to be considerate of THEIR rules.

If you don't like how they run things in their house, or you think there might be a conflict -- whether that means you're allergic to their cat or they're vegans, or whatever -- you can stay at a hotel, and do what you like.

Comments

TFB July 13, 2009 @ 11:41 a.m.

I'm glad someone finally brought up the cell phone answering etiquette question. I NEVER know what to do - and I guess I still don't. I do always feel like it's weird when my friends call me, and they know I have caller ID, and I don't acknowledge them from the get go. It just feels like there's something disingenuous about just saying "hello." We both know who is on the other end. Sometimes I change the tone of my "hello" to indicate more familiarity. But it gets ridiculous. How many different ways are there to say hello? If my friend is a fan of Seinfeld, I might say "he-lllllooooooo!"

One more quick comment from my feminist side: As for asking the father's "permission" - that is pretty outdated and somewhat insulting as well. I assume that you wouldn't suggest we ask the groom's father's - or better - mother's approval? This is a vestige from the time when marriages were basically arranged. We are well past the time when daughters and wives are considered "property" to be given, traded, or sold (thank god).

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David Dodd July 13, 2009 @ 12:28 p.m.

One cool thing about answering the telephone in Mexico:

"Bueno?"

Basically, you pick up the ringing phone and say, "Well?"

And, one custom that I hope never goes away is asking the father's blessing to marry his daughter. While, as TFB points out, the practice may be rooted from a more clan-ish history, there are other aspects that make this practice attractive. When a man marries a woman, that man also marries the woman's family. It is a show of respect and a request for acceptance into the family.

My wife is Mexican, and her father is VERY Mexican. When we decided to marry, I told her that I would have to seek her father's blessing. She advised against it. "He won't like you because you're a gringo."

I did it anyway. Regardless whether or not he would ever come to like me, I wanted him to know that I respected him. While that meeting wasn't exactly stellar in terms of how I was treated by him, I'm glad I did it. Seventeen years later, her father and me have a great relationship.

I have daughters. When they're ready to marry, I want the groom to seek my blessing. I want to know that they will respect me. If they don't respect me, then they aren't likely to respect my daughters. A father never stops being a father.

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Josh Board July 13, 2009 @ 3:58 p.m.

TFB...as I pointed it, you aren't REALLY asking permission. You're going thru the motions, showing that you do care about his feelings, etc.

I have to think most couples that are going to get married, have great relationships with the in-laws, and they WILL get that blessing from the father.

I doubt the guy is saying to the father, "I would like your permission to marry your daughter." And if there's a pause, you throw in "I'll give you a dowry of $2,000 and a goat."

You just have the father pulled aside, maybe over a lunch, with no other family members around. And he probably has a clue as to what's coming.

And you spring it on him! Maybe you can be funny with it. Start by saying, "You know your daughter and I really want to settle down, and....we were wondering if you could give us $50,000 on the down for our first house. The banks are being tough with loans these days."

When the father looks shocked, you punch him in the arm and say "I'm just kidding, ya ol' geezer. Your daughter is knocked up, and we're gonna tie the knot. You cool with that?"

No, but seriously...it's a time you can tell the father how much you love his daughter, and you want to ask for her hand in marriage, and you want to make sure he and his wife are okay with that.

Depending how the father is personality wise, you tailor it to fit what will make him feel most comfortable. And make him glad his daughter is marrying you, instead of that weasle Blaine she dated her first year of college.

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antigeekess July 13, 2009 @ 6:58 p.m.

I doubt the guy is saying to the father, "I would like your permission to marry your daughter." And if there's a pause, you throw in "I'll give you a dowry of $2,000 and a goat."

Especially since that's not what a dowry is.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dowry

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Josh Board July 13, 2009 @ 8:35 p.m.

anti...for someone that is the correction nazi like you, a few facts you should get straight in your pea brain.

first, most people will tell you wikipedia is a flawed site. i'm sure by now, you've heard the many problems it's had over the years.

now, that being said...I suggest when you want to correct me, maybe checking with an online dictionary (if you don't have one in your home).

here's what I just found on an online dictionary site for the definition of the word:

2: the money, goods, or estate that a woman brings to her husband in marriage 3: a gift of money or property by a man to or for his bride 4: a natural talent

SO...according to those definitions, I'm going with #3 on my meaning.

good day.

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Josh Board July 13, 2009 @ 8:39 p.m.

anti...what makes this all so perplexing, is the fact that you're on such a war path to "correct" anything I say in the blogs. it makes me wonder if you have nothing better to do with your time.

i mean, really? (said in the amy/jimmy fallon voices you are so fond of)

You read a blog, it flows nicely...it mentions dowry. You can't find anything else in the blog to knock spelling wise, so you think that's your best best. You go to Wikipedia and it seems to support you, so you cut and paste the link.

Really? That was all worth it? on Monday night, when so many interesting things are on TV, so many great classic novels you can read, so many options in the world. But you choose going with Wikipedia, to try to catch me on an error.

Really?

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antigeekess July 14, 2009 @ 3:20 p.m.

"here's what I just found on an online dictionary site for the definition of the word:

2: the money, goods, or estate that a woman brings to her husband in marriage 3: a gift of money or property by a man to or for his bride 4: a natural talent"

Cite, please?

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Josh Board July 14, 2009 @ 4:08 p.m.

You're the one with the time, anti, you find the cite. It'll be like the kids that have a blast doing those word searches. You can look for all the definitions of the word, and maybe learn something. Or find some future cites for finding my misspellings or incorrect meanings (I guarantee there will be more in the future).

Good day.

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David Dodd July 14, 2009 @ 4:29 p.m.

"Dowry" can go both ways. While the most common meaning is what the bride's father brings to the groom (ostensibly for taking his daughter off of his hands), in some cultures the groom is indebted to the father of the bride.

But antigeekess, you are failing to see the origianl intent of a dowry.

The idea behind a dowry is to protect the bride. In other words, if the husband dies, the bride is entitled to the dowry, or rather, only the children parented by the couple (rather than those born outside of the marriage) are able to inherit whatever wealth was accumulated in that matrimony, or as a result of it. While Josh's statement might not have been technically correct, the spirit of it certainly is.

I think you two should kiss and make up ;)

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PistolPete Aug. 2, 2009 @ 3:24 a.m.

People these days have WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much time on their hands. I'll give you a quick example. I watched Faranheit 9/11 in the theatre. I was alone and since this was being shown in a very small town in Wisconsin,there were about 25 people watching it with me. Everything was going smooth until the part in the movie where a woman named Lila Lipscomb was talking to an Iraqi immigrant in front of the White House when another woman came up and started talking s--t. I said out loud"What a f--king kunt!". This douchebag turns around and says to me"Will you please not use that word in my vicinity". I laughed at him. I said"It's a rated R movie you stupid f--kin' hillbilly". I waited for him to get froggy but he didn't.

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