I saw this story on the local news stations. A 69-year-od bank robber in the City Heights area, was arrested. He made a phony bomb threat.

The retired mortgage broker, plead guilty to a felony robbery charge and misdemeanor charge of a false bomb report. He was looking at six years. Ya know what he got? Three years. But no, not in jail; merely three years of probation. The judge cited his age, poor health, and lack of a criminal record.

What was almost as baffling as that light sentence, was when the old dude walked in with a cane, ya know what the bank employees gave him? No, not one of those candies they have in their dish next to their window. No, not a bunch of red dye packs that would explode and knock him down from his walker. They gave him $107,000!

You know, I’m the first one to hate when the race card is played. But I’m gonna play it here. If this was a 19-year-old black male, with no criminal history…would he be getting off with just probation? Heck, make the kid 16, and I’m guessing they’d try him as an adult.

But the weirder stories involved children. No, not committing the crimes.

In L.A., the CHP arrested a couple involved in three robberies. They had two small children with them at the time. One of the robberies was at an IHOP. No word on if the chocolate chip pancakes were ordered for the kiddies before hand.

In a town called “Defiance” in Ohio, the Toledo Blade reported that a couple was arrested for drunk driving. And we’ve all heard about idiots doing that with children in the car. But this one is going to take the cake.

The mother and father were both in separate vehicles when they got pulled over at 2:00 a.m. And to top that off, each vehicle had a different child in it.

I guess it could’ve been worse. They could’ve been arrested while the children were driving. Although, maybe that isn’t worse. If you have idiots like these, and throwing drinking on top of their low IQs…probably having their sober kids drive would’ve been safer.

And you wonder…where the heck were they at 2:00 a.m.? Sure, bars close around that time; but they had kids with them. Were they in the car while the couple was drinking? Were they all over at a friends house? And if so, why not sleep it off there? Why not hire a babysitter, or call a cab?

Someone called my voice mail and left a message the other day. They asked why I call everyone in my blogs an idiot. Well…read these stories and you tell me!


Ponzi Dec. 2, 2009 @ 9:06 a.m.

"false bob reports" should be a felony.


Ponzi Dec. 2, 2009 @ 9:07 a.m.

Nothing worse than a false Bob. It's like those fake Bill's and false Sally's.


Josh Board Dec. 2, 2009 @ 9:24 a.m.

Dang it. Typo. Supposed to be "bomb". Corrected now.


FullFlavorPike Dec. 2, 2009 @ 12:47 p.m.

Best American Short Stories 2007 (at least, I'm pretty sure it was aught-seven) featured a story in which the drunken dad made the middle school aged daughter drive his car when he was to smashed to do so. Naturally, this did not end well.


Josh Board Dec. 2, 2009 @ 3:25 p.m.

Yeah, it seems every few years there's a story like that. It's never like in The Champ, were Ricky Schroader just drags his dad out of a bar, let's him put his arms around him, as he helps him stagger home.

I wonder, though...if the kid drives, does he get to choose the music? Instead of dads Lynyrd Skynyrd tape, he's got the Jonas Brothers going.


FullFlavorPike Dec. 2, 2009 @ 3:56 p.m.

The ultimate embarrassment is getting pulled over while your kid is driving your drunken body around and just ROCKING out some Hannah Montana. Good luck explaining that to the judge.


Josh Board Dec. 2, 2009 @ 8:48 p.m.

You know what's funny, Pike? When I posted the Jonas Brothers line, I was about to type "New Kids on the Block". Then it occured to me, that that's not a contemporary "boy band". But, I can see Hannah Montana driving around her drunk, one-hit wonder cowboy dad around in a car.


DaniLauder Dec. 3, 2009 @ 1:46 p.m.

Where I grew up in Idaho my father use to always let me drive his car when we went shopping. In a small town the one I grew up in I think this was the the normal way kids learned how to drive. With my own daughter I will never let her get behind the wheel of my Camry.


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