4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Since I've lost some weight, a few people have asked if I would write a story like the one that recently graced the cover of the Reader. Well, I told them I had a better idea. We've already seen the few episodes where Tyra Banks wore a fat suit (and, her big revelation was that guys didn't look at her as much as when she was, well, Tyra Banks, supermodel; oh, and one guy didn't open a door for her -- wow, life must've been hell that day). And, we see the occasional newscaster do that also.

I thought it would be a bit different, to tell what it's like now, as a man with a beard. Oh you don't think it would be any different? You naive reader, you. It is. Just ask Dusty Hill of ZZ Top. He'll tell you. Better yet, let me tell you.

I'm going to do a three part series in these blogs.

When the beard first started to come in, with a weeks worth of growth, I had to deal with the comments like "Hey Don Johnson, where's Tubbs?" I had another man say "What's wrong? The price of razors get to costly?"

I could tell this wouldn't be easy. I had flashbacks to those commercials that showed a guy using a credit card to scratch across his face, showing how rough it was. Thoughts like this were keeping me up at night. And, when I finally did fall asleep, it was a nightmare. I had a dream that my Norelco had a super long cord, and was chasing me around the house. When it finally had me cornered, I saw that it was no longer plugged in but still coming at me, with those sharp circles spinning. Just before it made contact with my right cheek, I woke up in a cold sweat. I felt my cheek. The hair was still there. And, it made me wonder...if you get a shave in a dream, will you wake up with a smooth face? Will you wake up at all?

I went and grabbed the paper on my front porch. And, the mail. My new drivers license had arrived. I noticed there was a misspelling on my name. It said "Joshua Beard."

Tomorrow, the saga continues....

Comments
8

There is an upside. A lot lot of ladies love facial hair.

I once dreamt about having hairy toes, that was a real nightmare. Girls aren't meant to get that.

Oct. 8, 2007

I agree. Many of my people (especially the ladies) love facial hair.

A lot of my people also have hairy toes.

Oct. 8, 2007

Do they perchance have werewolf blood in them?

Oct. 8, 2007

No, but the hair protects our silky smooth skin against the harsh desert sands. Ways of evolution some may say.

Oct. 8, 2007

Awoooooooooooh, werewolves of London! I love singing that. And typing it, too. Well, for every 10 women that like a smooth face, there is one that likes the beard. Problem is, the women that like facial hair, aren't usually the women I like! They're women riding Harleys, with tattoos that say "Mama Hated Me." I figure I'll keep the beard until Halloween, and see if it can work into costume I might wanna do, then it hits the cutting room floor.

Oct. 8, 2007

Hey! Don't diss my image. So what if I ride a Harley and have tattoos.

Oct. 9, 2007

Yes, those heathen motorcycle riding tattooed women.

They don't sit well with my kind either.

Oct. 9, 2007

I wonder if any Motorcycle Mama's (as they were called back in the day), have ever said to their man "You know, I love your bike. And I love you. But, this handlebar mustache that goes down to the gas tank...it's gotta go."

Oct. 9, 2007

Sign in to comment

Sign in

Art Reviews — W.S. Di Piero's eye on exhibits Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Best Buys — San Diego shopping Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits City Lights — News and politics Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Famous Former Neighbors — Next-door celebs Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town Here's the Deal — Chad Deal's watering holes Just Announced — The scoop on shows Letters — Our inbox [email protected] — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Of Note — Concert picks Out & About — What's Happening Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Pour Over — Grab a cup Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Set 'em Up Joe — Bartenders' drink recipes Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Sports — Athletics without gush Street Style — San Diego streets have style Suit Up — Fashion tips for dudes Theater Reviews — Local productions Theater antireviews — Narrow your search Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Waterfront — All things ocean Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close