4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Toxic Dildo

It pays to have an eclectic group of friends so one never runs out of material. One of my lesbian friends, Callie, related the following: She has a new girlfriend, call her Simba. Callie and Simba are deeply in lust and as with many relationships, they celebrated their union with a visit to the Adult Toy Store. There they found the perfect dildo, a beautiful light blue strap-on model they promptly dubbed Perry Winkle. Perry was the top-of-the-line model, setting them back about $50.00. But the promises he held made the outlay of cash naught but a worthwhile investment to both Callie and Simba. And when you divided the cost by two willing payers, it made him doubly worth the price. They decided that Callie would take Perry home and they would get together on the weekend to take Perry on his inaugural run. Callie happens to work in the field of sexually-transmitted disease prevention, and even though Perry was new and un-used, Callie decided to err on the side of caution and opted to boil him to remove any opportunistic germs that may have been lurking in Perry's private places. She rummaged around in her kitchen for a pot with enough girth to submerge her new plaything and gently placed Perry in the water. The pot was set on the stove to simmer and Callie retreated to the bedroom where she busied herself with some chores while she waited to remove Perry from his antiseptic bath. Before long the unmistakable aroma of putrefying plastic pervaded the air. Callie noticed the smell but it took a few moments to register what it was. The piercing sound of the smoke alarm reminded her too much time had passed and she realized her new play pal was still in the pot. Callie rushed into the kitchen as Perry smoldered in his waterless grave. The house was filled with the acrid smell of toxic overcooked dildo. Perry died that night and was buried in the pot in which he perished, deep in the dumpster outside. She had to open all the doors and windows in order to facilitate the removal of the obnoxious odor. Callie mourned the loss of her new friend Perry, the waste of her money and time and the intimate moments she had dreamed of with him that would now never materialize. Plus she had to sleep with extra blankets because of the cold air that entered through the open windows. What a loss. You can't make this stuff up.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all

Previous article

Peutz Valley – the fire did not kill our spirit

Alpine Planning Group, SDGE power cuts, no high school yet, Farlin Rd. after Viejas fire, coyote woman on Deercreek Canyon, Alpine Beer Co.

It pays to have an eclectic group of friends so one never runs out of material. One of my lesbian friends, Callie, related the following: She has a new girlfriend, call her Simba. Callie and Simba are deeply in lust and as with many relationships, they celebrated their union with a visit to the Adult Toy Store. There they found the perfect dildo, a beautiful light blue strap-on model they promptly dubbed Perry Winkle. Perry was the top-of-the-line model, setting them back about $50.00. But the promises he held made the outlay of cash naught but a worthwhile investment to both Callie and Simba. And when you divided the cost by two willing payers, it made him doubly worth the price. They decided that Callie would take Perry home and they would get together on the weekend to take Perry on his inaugural run. Callie happens to work in the field of sexually-transmitted disease prevention, and even though Perry was new and un-used, Callie decided to err on the side of caution and opted to boil him to remove any opportunistic germs that may have been lurking in Perry's private places. She rummaged around in her kitchen for a pot with enough girth to submerge her new plaything and gently placed Perry in the water. The pot was set on the stove to simmer and Callie retreated to the bedroom where she busied herself with some chores while she waited to remove Perry from his antiseptic bath. Before long the unmistakable aroma of putrefying plastic pervaded the air. Callie noticed the smell but it took a few moments to register what it was. The piercing sound of the smoke alarm reminded her too much time had passed and she realized her new play pal was still in the pot. Callie rushed into the kitchen as Perry smoldered in his waterless grave. The house was filled with the acrid smell of toxic overcooked dildo. Perry died that night and was buried in the pot in which he perished, deep in the dumpster outside. She had to open all the doors and windows in order to facilitate the removal of the obnoxious odor. Callie mourned the loss of her new friend Perry, the waste of her money and time and the intimate moments she had dreamed of with him that would now never materialize. Plus she had to sleep with extra blankets because of the cold air that entered through the open windows. What a loss. You can't make this stuff up.

Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox [email protected] — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close