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"Putting the 'Edge' Back in 'Education.'"

In Wake of Massive Teacher Layoffs, San Diego Unified Hires Tech-Whiz Consultant to Automate Classroom Experience

"Good thing we bought all those classroom computers back when we actually had a budget surplus; they really were the future of education!"

But who will give them their hall pass for trips to the bathroom?

KIDS TODAY SPEND ALL THEIR TIME IN FRONT OF GLOWING SCREENS ANYWAY, SAN DIEGO - As things stand, some 1600 teachers - nearly one out of every five - in San Diego Unified will be laid off at the end of the school year. "Normally," says San Diego Unified School Board President Draconian Machiavelli, "that would just mean packing more and more kids into the classrooms of the remaining teachers - you know, like they do in prison. But after passing measure upon measure to fund improvements to our school buildings and buy computers for kindergarteners, it seemed a shame to let all that space and hardware go to waste."

So, in a controversial move, the Board voted to bring in a high-priced Technical Consultant, Mathew Geewiz. Geewiz is proposing to develop a technically-enhanced "information distribution system," one that will allow teachers to simulcast their presentations over the web to multiple classrooms.

"Conceivably," he explains, "you could have one teacher presenting material to every student in the district who needs to take a given class. Heck, conceivably, you could have an automated program present the material. General Motors came back from the brink by becoming more efficient, eliminating needless human input into their system. Now they're doing great. My goal is to make teachers completely superfluous to the educational process."

Critics have noted that Geewiz's $1 million fee could have paid the yearly salaries of every laid off teacher and then some. But, says, Board President Machiavelli, "we're investing in our children's future here. You can't put a price tag on that."

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In Wake of Massive Teacher Layoffs, San Diego Unified Hires Tech-Whiz Consultant to Automate Classroom Experience

"Good thing we bought all those classroom computers back when we actually had a budget surplus; they really were the future of education!"

But who will give them their hall pass for trips to the bathroom?

KIDS TODAY SPEND ALL THEIR TIME IN FRONT OF GLOWING SCREENS ANYWAY, SAN DIEGO - As things stand, some 1600 teachers - nearly one out of every five - in San Diego Unified will be laid off at the end of the school year. "Normally," says San Diego Unified School Board President Draconian Machiavelli, "that would just mean packing more and more kids into the classrooms of the remaining teachers - you know, like they do in prison. But after passing measure upon measure to fund improvements to our school buildings and buy computers for kindergarteners, it seemed a shame to let all that space and hardware go to waste."

So, in a controversial move, the Board voted to bring in a high-priced Technical Consultant, Mathew Geewiz. Geewiz is proposing to develop a technically-enhanced "information distribution system," one that will allow teachers to simulcast their presentations over the web to multiple classrooms.

"Conceivably," he explains, "you could have one teacher presenting material to every student in the district who needs to take a given class. Heck, conceivably, you could have an automated program present the material. General Motors came back from the brink by becoming more efficient, eliminating needless human input into their system. Now they're doing great. My goal is to make teachers completely superfluous to the educational process."

Critics have noted that Geewiz's $1 million fee could have paid the yearly salaries of every laid off teacher and then some. But, says, Board President Machiavelli, "we're investing in our children's future here. You can't put a price tag on that."

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4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
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