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Anonymous Takes Credit for Lifted Lorax Statue

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LA JOLLA - Authorities made a breakthrough today in their search for the thieves who stole the Lorax statue from in front of Dr. Seuss widow Audrey Geisel's luxurious oceanfront home.

"Whoever took the statue left a weird sort of platform behind in its place," explained La Jolla Police Detective Wilberforce Throckmorton. "One of the platform's stones was marked with the word "unless," and upon further inspection, it was revealed that this stone was in fact hollow and made from cast concrete. Inside, we found a note which gives us our first real understanding of the motivation behind this heinous crime."

SD on the QT has obtained a copy of the note, and is happy to bring its readers an exclusive peek into this ongoing investigation:

We are Anonymous, you stupid old get

We do not forgive and we do not forget

And we sure as hell do not stand idly by

While you make all your husband’s admirers cry.

Dr. Seuss was a genius, but you are a troll

Did we steal a statue? What about what you stole?

His honor, integrity - dignity, too

A bright, shining legacy, covered in poo.

The Lorax made children aware of the earth

Its beautiful, fragile, intrinsic worth

But you sold it out for a CGI flick

That made saving trees just a gift for a chick.

Horton, the Grinch, and the Cat in the Hat

We let them all slide, and we regret that

But The Lorax? His masterpiece? We’re sorry, but no

We’re calling a stop to this big sellout show.

We speak for the Lorax, who spoke for the trees

He’s been lifted away from your cruel vagaries

Unless you wise up, and we doubt that you will

Your chances of seeing this Lorax are nil.

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The Light Church: learning how to be human

Jesus had his diaper changed.

None

LA JOLLA - Authorities made a breakthrough today in their search for the thieves who stole the Lorax statue from in front of Dr. Seuss widow Audrey Geisel's luxurious oceanfront home.

"Whoever took the statue left a weird sort of platform behind in its place," explained La Jolla Police Detective Wilberforce Throckmorton. "One of the platform's stones was marked with the word "unless," and upon further inspection, it was revealed that this stone was in fact hollow and made from cast concrete. Inside, we found a note which gives us our first real understanding of the motivation behind this heinous crime."

SD on the QT has obtained a copy of the note, and is happy to bring its readers an exclusive peek into this ongoing investigation:

We are Anonymous, you stupid old get

We do not forgive and we do not forget

And we sure as hell do not stand idly by

While you make all your husband’s admirers cry.

Dr. Seuss was a genius, but you are a troll

Did we steal a statue? What about what you stole?

His honor, integrity - dignity, too

A bright, shining legacy, covered in poo.

The Lorax made children aware of the earth

Its beautiful, fragile, intrinsic worth

But you sold it out for a CGI flick

That made saving trees just a gift for a chick.

Horton, the Grinch, and the Cat in the Hat

We let them all slide, and we regret that

But The Lorax? His masterpiece? We’re sorry, but no

We’re calling a stop to this big sellout show.

We speak for the Lorax, who spoke for the trees

He’s been lifted away from your cruel vagaries

Unless you wise up, and we doubt that you will

Your chances of seeing this Lorax are nil.

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This article is a horrible slap at a wonderful woman who has done so much for San Diego. Shame on you San Diego Reader for the malicious pain you are causing. That statue meant so much to Mrs. Geisel. How would like someone to steal your family pet and then mock you about it? Yes, she is using the great stories of Dr. Seuss to make money. Money that is being spread all over San Diego to make our community a better place to live. The San Diego Blood Bank, San Diego Opera, the Rescue Mission, the San Diego Zoo and UCSD are just a few of the organizations that have benefitied from Mrs. Geisel's compassion. It's time for you to show some compassion and pull this article. Humor is no excuse for hate.

March 28, 2012

It was NOT a family pet. I think you missed the whole point. I'm sure the San Diego Opera needs even more money.

April 11, 2012
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