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"Look at them," says La Jolla matron Eloise McKinley-Braeburton with disgust as she gazes down at the seals basking on the sand at La Jolla Cove. "Lying there on the beach like...well, like fat pieces of shit."

The profanity is more than a little surprising to hear from the lips of such an august and refined personage as McKinley-Braeburton. But not any more surprising, perhaps, than strolling along one of California's most striking stretches of coastline, only to find yourself gagging on the stench of seal poop. Which explains why McKinley-Braeburton and her coterie of bluebloods from the La Jolla Women's Club have launched a campaign to have the La Jolla Children's Pool formally renamed Sealshit Cove.

"This farce has gone on long enough," says McKinley-Braeburton. "My great-grand-nephew Warwick Throckmorton IV is ten months old, and he doesn't smell this bad even after soiling himself in the ball-pit at the McDonald's restaurant play-land. Calling it a Children's Pool is, at this point, an insult to children everywhere. It is our fond hope that the new name will prove alarming enough to rouse this community into something approximating action."

Critics of the measure claim that "something approximating action" is already taking place, in the form of an odor-stopping chemical mist being wafted over the area every night. McKinley-Braeburton, grants that the mist - an entirely organic blend of probiotic agents and positive thoughts that help to break down the enormous mounds of excrement produced by the seals each day - is effective, but notes that it runs the city about $5,000 a day "for materials alone. That's money that could be more effectively spent on literally anything else. And besides, by four o' clock the following day, when we at the Women's Club like to take our post-afternoon tea constitutional, the seals have done yeoman work in repoopulating their nesting grounds."

Pacific Beach resident Andy Ferkis, visiting La Jolla for the day, said he supports the measure, but adds, "Well, they are La Jolla seals. Perhaps they think their shit doesn't stink."

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4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
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