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jayallen's avatar

Jay Allen Sanford

Jay Allen Sanford is a Reader contributor. See staff page for published articles.

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Gay & Lesbian Times Doesn't Make It to Print This Week

Worth noting is a very strong NEW contender in the local LGBT newspaper market, the bi-weekly Gay San Diego paper, published by the same crew behind the (also excellent) San Diego Uptown News. UNlike Gay & Lesbian Times, Gay San Diego does not pad with sexually oriented advertising content - rather, it's a NEWSpaper, with news of interest to both the LGBT community and to anyone living in San Diego who cares what's happening in city government and with other matters of concern to most all San Diegans. And unlike Gay & Lesbian News, GSD (launched in August, I think) covers a very wide spectrum of actual NEWS, as well as offering generous samplings of editorial opinion pieces. Not to mention an hysterical humor column, Advice From Beyond, hosted each edition by dead celebs like Liberace and Mama Cass --- Check out the digital version at http://www.gay-sd.com "Not that there's anything WRONG with that...."
— October 9, 2010 9:45 p.m.

David Maldonado Sees the Eyes of the Devil

Hey now, that's uncalled for - Mr. Maldonado did no such thing. Blame ME for asking and writing about the trial. I happen to think his Noche de Pasión show is a terrific musical event, and I wanted to plug it. But since Blurt is not an "event preview" column, I had to write a news story apropos for the column, one which happens to end with a plug for the show. About that show, the cast of musicians and dancers unfolds a hundred year history of Spanish and Flamenco guitar, a musical evolution that winds through Spain, Morocco, Egypt, Asia, and beyond. “Our entire cast is full of star performers,” Maldonado told me when we talked. “Our cellist was just on Dancing With the Stars this past week, performing with Santana and India Arie. Timo is the best male Flamenco dancer in the U.S., according to the TV show So You Think You Can Dance, and our other dancers have choreographed for everyone from Prince to the Pussycat Dolls.” As for his role as central guitarist, Maldonado said “Although it’s difficult for guitarists to be able to switch from classical, to Flamenco, to modern Spanish guitar, I was fortunate enough to learn all styles, growing up in a musical family with different techniques and tastes.” I give the show my own two-thumbs-up, for whatever that's worth --- sorry that the Blurt column really isn't the place for such promotional stroking (tho the comment section is fair 'nuff game!)
— October 9, 2010 9:32 p.m.

Dawn of the Dead

Another rare instance where Mr. Shepherd and I seem to agree - four stars is about right for this live action cartoon that blew the head off the end of the seventies, much like our shopping mall heroes lopped the heads off their shuffling brain-eating adversaries -- Given director Romero's mostly uninspired prequel and sequels to this entry in the Dead filmography, it seems a fair guess that his collaborator on this project, gonzo Euro-horror meister Dario Argento (Suspiria, etc), had a firm hand in how GOOD this zombiefest manages to be. Even the soundtrack comes courtesy of Argento's resident electro-goth soundkillers Goblin. And lawd-nose Mr. Argento can safely be said to have the most twisted sense of humor SINCE the director of the freakout flick that Mr. Duncan cites by way of likeminded comparison, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls instigator Russ Meyer (tho it should be noted that film's script by nascent critic Roger Ebert deserves at least half the praise). Romero's sense of humor -- such as it seems -- has never progressed much beyond his jaded 1988 "Experiment in Horror" known as Monkey Shines, ie "When in doubt, hire a monkey," a Hollywood mansion-saver that even Clint Eastwood has succumbed to. Notwithstanding Romero's supervisory capacity over occasional chuckles buried within episodes of Tales From the Darkside or Masters of Horror (probably also more due to collaborators than Romero’s own soggy so-called wit) --
— October 9, 2010 5:19 a.m.

R.I.P. Porn Biz (and good riddance!)

About those tube site, if by some miracle every unauthorized free porn site were shut down right now - an impossibility, but just for discussion - there is SO much porn out there already, on hard drives and discs and videos and cell phones, that the internet would refill itself with just about the same amount of porn in a few days. The stuff really is as value-less as it is worthless. Even if it the content itself weren’t so universally dreadful --
— October 9, 2010 4:21 a.m.

R.I.P. Porn Biz (and good riddance!)

The finite end of the porn biz was sealed long before the internet. Many tend to place the blame on the rise of the VCR, which reduced porn movies from sociological events (via theaters like the Pussycat chain) to an easy to obtain commodity one could view in their home. Tho this did enable anyone with a camera to make and sell porn, it should be noted that the videotapes were still a RETAIL COMMODITY, and as such were highly sought - the first wave of porn video retailed for $50 to $100 - the video retailers were a huge porn biz, as were the distribs and producers, so video didn't kill the porn star - all video killed was production values, which eventually resulted in more and more generic porn. But the crap was still selling bigtime. No, the death knell came with hotel room porn. That cut out the retail middleman. Hell, that killed the retailer. THEN came cable porn, and at that point only the biz at both ends of the industry, producers and digital distribs, made money. Even the porn stars themselves went from thousands per scene to pennies - The internet just expanded on what cable and CCTV hotel porn had established -- cheap product at the push of an always handy button. Add to that the rise of recording technology, and now everybody with a cell phone can make their OWN porn, as good or better than anything on the so-called "tube" sites that stream porn for free -
— October 9, 2010 4:18 a.m.

The New Archaic: Kind of Like a Bonham and Yorke Bath

Outtakes: WHAT SONG LYRIC BEST DESCRIBES YOUR LIFE? Shaw: “‘If You’re Into It’ by Flight of the Conchords -- ‘Is that what you’re into/ Him and you in the nude/ That’s what he’s prepared to do/ Is that the kinda thing that you think you might be into?’” Harrison: “‘Hammer Smashed Face’ by Cannibal Corpse -- ‘As it pounds down on your forehead.’” McNalley: “‘Tubthumping’ by Chumbawamba -- ‘I get knocked down, but I get up again.’” ANY FEARS OR PHOBIAS? Shaw: “I have this crazy dream where the sky becomes one big mirror, the oceans turn to Muscle Milk, and the trees grow money and iPods.” Harrison: “I’m afraid of the color yellow.” McNalley: “I have been and always will be terrified of losing teeth.” IF YOU COULD CHOOSE YOUR OWN NICKNAME? Shaw: “The Skinny Wonder.” Harrison: “Leroy McSoldier.” McNalley: “Theatas Bokatek.” Carroll: “Megaton.”
— October 6, 2010 8:34 p.m.

Jesus and the Colonic Booth

I forgot all about the old Ask Aunt Trudy column - shame it went away. What happened to Trudy, anyway?
— October 1, 2010 6:02 p.m.

Yaz's Reconnected Live

Anybody is welcome to submit a CD review to the Reader - you can't get "booted," but I imagine far worse reviews get rejected from appearing in this column --
— October 1, 2010 5:46 p.m.

Pee-Wee's Big Adventure

See, Mr. Shepherd and I aren't always at odds with our opinions - we both give four stars to Pee Wee! Tho, offscreen, alter ego Paul Reubens can be a challenge -- After sitting for a lengthy interview, Reubens once offered me a tour of his L.A. home, a memorabilia-stuffed museum full of vintage toys and advertising, 3-D cameras and Viewmasters and other pop culture kitsch. Opening a small plastic garbage can full of snot-thick green goo, he suddenly became playful and held the stuff over my head, giggling "Look out, the Green Slime is coming!" Goo dripped wetly from between his fingers and suddenly the viscous fluid went kerplop onto my skull. Immediately apologetic, Reubens tried to assist pulling the gunk from my shoulder-length hair but it just got more matted-in. Then I felt a burning sensation and my eyes began watering as if exposed to ammonia - the green slime, I found out later, was nearly a decade old and the chemical breakdown was having decidedly unpleasant interaction with my scalp, hair and eyes. The photographer accompanying me whisked me to a hospital, where I was attended by a middle aged nurse who luckily remembered the alcohol-based concoction often called upon to treat green slime related mishaps of the early 80s. Reubens was still apologizing the next day when he phoned to make sure I'd lived to tell. He kindly picked up the tab for $975, which covered the cost of my hospital visit and of the hair stylist later called upon to "fix" those spots where slime-encrusted hair had been excised from my shaggy 'do. The resultant haircut can only be described as a cross between a mullet and a Banzai tree, and my scalp still itches like hell anytime I see something both green and gooey ("Honey, how come you always pick your nose and scratch your head at the same time?")
— October 1, 2010 5:42 p.m.

None

Excuse me, Mr. Shepherd - Lewis Carroll? Aside from some jumping into a hole ("Ah've goot a hole in me poocket..."), I don't see that at all. Literary influences like James Thurber, Franz Kafka, and James Joyce would seem more apropos, and it's no small coincidence that those three authors were among John Lennon's own cited faves. Though neither Lennon nor his bandmates had anything to do with the making of Yellow Submarine (aside from knocking off some contractually obligated music and filming a short live action finale), the filmmakers tried hard to capture the same spirit and influences that inspired and informed the Beatles' latterday output. A single star seems far too stingy - while not a perfect animated feature, Yellow Sub ranks somewhere in the top 10 for most movie AND Beatles fans, and the old saying "Maybe you had to be there" doesn't seem to apply, as younger generations seem to adore the movie even MORE than each preceding generation. Heck, about the only other person I ever heard who disliked Yellow Sub as much as Mr. Shepherd is psychedelic pop artist Peter Max, whose LSD-soaked visual style was blatantly appropriated for the film's design, with nary a nod in his direction for the inspiration. I understand he still gets royally P.O.d every time somebody tells him how much they love his (non-existent) work on Yellow Submarine --- but, hey, that's fair 'nuff payback for the way he ripped off Steranko, Jack Kirby, and Warhol.
— September 29, 2010 4:21 p.m.

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