Heymatt: I am male, over 50 years old. I know who my parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents were. That's easy. What I don't know is whether any of the actual cells, molecules, or tiny atoms of …
March 6, 2003
Straight from the Hip
Archived articles
Does a bone marrow transplant make a good alibi?
If Scripps Institution owns the ocean floor, how do they mow the lawn?
Hey, Matt: My new Thomas Guide, page 1227, identifies the ocean just off Scripps as "Scripps Institution submerged land area (private)." Can Scripps actually own the ocean bottom? If I dove there, could I sue …
March 6, 2003
Speed records: Sneeze, cough, fart
Hey: Which of the following expels air from the body fastest, hardest: sneeze, cough, or fart? What would happen if you did all three at the same time? -- Dave from Arkansas Another big thinker …
March 6, 2003
Uh -- it's about the wood in my lemonade...
Hey Matt Man: When I'm out working in my wood shop, there are certain materials that need special handling. Things like glycerol ester of wood rosin just seem to scream out "avoid breathing fumes," "wear …
February 27, 2003
Do animals commit suicide?
Matt: Are humans the only living creature that commits suicide? -- Morbid Mark, the net Intent. Can animals form intent in their feral little brains? Sit down and say, hey, man, this grubbing for food …
February 27, 2003
What we do with dirty dirt.
Hey, Matt: Some of us guys were discussing gasoline stations where we see backhoes digging up old leaking tanks and the contaminated dirt loaded into a truck. Our question is, just where does that dirt …
February 27, 2003
Killer toothpaste?
Dear Matthew Alice: I've heard that toothpaste should not be ingested or it can cause fever, nausea, vomiting and even death. There's even a warning on most toothpaste tubes. Is this like lab rats...you'd have …
February 27, 2003
Why Attila the Hun parted his hair on the left.
Yo, Matthew: Since 1978 I've been parting my hair in the center. I'm sensing this may be a bit passe in 2003. What style of hair part is currently most politically correct: center, left, or …
February 20, 2003
The Church of St. Joseph the Realtor.
Hey, Matt: Are the elves Catholic? Are elves Catholic? Oh, well. Heard there is a saint (active or defrocked, I'm not sure), that will help sell your home quicker and for a better price if …
February 20, 2003
Where do you people get these friggin' questions?
Heymatt: Please promote world peace and set my brother-in-law straight. Which is the preferred euphemism, "frickin" or "friggin"? I sent him a email that included "frickin," as in, "You don't know a frickin thing." He …
February 13, 2003
Gummy pink
Matthew Alice: Why is bubble gum pink? -- Bobby, Vista Because the Fleer Co. employee who worked for 10 years-- day after day, gum batch after gum batch-- to develop a chaw that would hold …
February 5, 2003