Last week, San Diego Unified School District leaders reaffirmed their commitment to keeping immigration enforcement agents off school campuses, promising to protect all students regardless of immigration status. District officials highlighted steps they’ve taken to safeguard undocumented students and their families, including the December resolution to prohibit ICE agents from entering school campuses without a court order, judicial subpoena or parental consent.
Today, U.S. Department of Deportation spokesmonster Pat Riot outlined the federal government's plan to skirt the district's efforts by "luring innocent but still illegal children into modified transports without causing a fuss or violating school policy. In a nutshell: we're converting tactical ICE trucks into ICE-cream trucks in an effort to draw the targets off of school grounds and into our entirely authorized clutches. Once the targets have been neutralized via confectionary capture, we'll load them into the van and take 'em to a parking lot in downtown Tijuana for dropoff. Then we'll send a note to their parents about where the pick them up, a secondary measure which will encourage self-deportation. The agency fulfills its mission, the parents get their kids back, and the kids get delicious ice cream. Everybody wins."
Riot noted that there had been concern about "accidentally rounding up some actual citizens," but that the departments Cultural Research Team had come up with a "sound-based solution" to the problem. "Turns out, the music that tells American kids that the ice cream man is here is a little different from the siren song that summons the stranger. I guess culture really is upstream of politics."
Last week, San Diego Unified School District leaders reaffirmed their commitment to keeping immigration enforcement agents off school campuses, promising to protect all students regardless of immigration status. District officials highlighted steps they’ve taken to safeguard undocumented students and their families, including the December resolution to prohibit ICE agents from entering school campuses without a court order, judicial subpoena or parental consent.
Today, U.S. Department of Deportation spokesmonster Pat Riot outlined the federal government's plan to skirt the district's efforts by "luring innocent but still illegal children into modified transports without causing a fuss or violating school policy. In a nutshell: we're converting tactical ICE trucks into ICE-cream trucks in an effort to draw the targets off of school grounds and into our entirely authorized clutches. Once the targets have been neutralized via confectionary capture, we'll load them into the van and take 'em to a parking lot in downtown Tijuana for dropoff. Then we'll send a note to their parents about where the pick them up, a secondary measure which will encourage self-deportation. The agency fulfills its mission, the parents get their kids back, and the kids get delicious ice cream. Everybody wins."
Riot noted that there had been concern about "accidentally rounding up some actual citizens," but that the departments Cultural Research Team had come up with a "sound-based solution" to the problem. "Turns out, the music that tells American kids that the ice cream man is here is a little different from the siren song that summons the stranger. I guess culture really is upstream of politics."