zillow.com

Sometimes, a kitchen doesn’t have to be astonishing. Sometimes, it just has to be nice.

It’s good to get out of the city sometimes. This is something I tell myself frequently as I wander with my dog through the abundant urban canyons east of Downtown. But the background drone of nearby freeways and the occasional graffiti besmirching the otherwise pleasant landscape serve as reminders that after a couple of miles, it’ll be clear that I haven’t gone anywhere at all.

I mention this because the Zillow remarks for today’s entry invite us to enjoy “jaw-dropping panoramic 360 views and 323+ acres” on which to “build your ranch dream home!” Okay, that sounds compelling enough — who is going to want to travel over that much territory to spray graffiti? — but are you going to tell me that for $2.2 million, I don’t even get a house?

Oh, wait. There are a couple of houses here, or maybe more. We’re told that “existing structures include a nicely remodeled 2 bed 2 bath main house, a large updated 4 bed 2 bath manufactured house, an idyllic cabin, a studio/workshop, and multiple outbuildings throughout for all your farming, hunting, building, ranch, and horse property needs.” That’s more like it, even if I’m not sure I have many of the “needs” the ad suggests I do.

Our photo tour opens with a modern open kitchen featuring a center island, a freestanding wood stove, and a dining area tucked off in a corner. I don’t know which house we’re in (presumably the two-bedroom?), but this is a perfectly functional space in which I would enjoy cooking. Maybe the wood stove would be better placed closer to the dining area, but let’s not protest too much just yet.

Okay, now we’re outside and looking at a rocky creek, with just enough decline that there’s a tiny bit of white water splashing down a mini-waterfall. This is wonderful; the listing says the creek is only seasonal, and it’s probably been bone dry for months by now, but I love it all the same and would spend as much time nearby as possible during the few months of the year wet enough for it to flow.

The front of the house isn’t remarkable – just a gravel driveway encircling a dry fountain with a detached garage to one side. A couple of aerial shots outline the very weird configuration of the five parcels that combine to form the property — it almost looks like a lower-case “h” — but they also illustrate how secluded it is. I have to study the landscape to make out any signs of human inhabitance. Ooh, there’s another water shot that makes it look like the creek forms a pool almost big enough to swim in (alas, it’s probably too cold when the water is flowing). Then a monument sign at the entry to “Rancho de Sol a Sol,” or “Sun to Sun Ranch,” flanked by some metal farmer and vaquero cutouts.

Back to the house: we see that there are a few covered patio and deck spaces wrapping around the exterior, and that the living room was just out of frame in the earlier kitchen shot. These new interior photos seem to indicate that we were tricked as to the size of the house before, but I’m okay with the coziness. Anyway, we’re supposed to buy this property to build a mansion somewhere else — not that I’d need to, but it’s not like I have millions of dollars lying around anyway. On to an office area and a pair of fairly spacious bedrooms — each with nicely-if-not-lavishly remodeled en-suite baths — and some more patio space before we’re back outside looking at a footbridge over the creek. Crossing it, we take a look back at the house; it’s a peaceful view, if a little quaint.

The mobile home is less impressive – it’s serviceable, and would be a nice place for friends to stay when they make the “short 45-minute drive” out from the city, but I’m keeping the little cottage for myself. Or am I? Now we’ve come to a tiny green cabin that looks like an exemplar of the “tiny home” movement — except years before that trend gained traction. There’s a wraparound veranda looking out across the valley, and inside, the walls are lined with stained pine. A potbellied stove and single couch are about all there’s space for in the living room, aside from some storage cubbies built into the side of a staircase so steep I’m almost certain no building inspector signed off on its construction. We also get a tiny eat-in kitchen and what looks like a bathroom, but sadly, we don’t get to see the bedroom upstairs, which I’m assuming has views every bit as compelling as the porch outside. This is the better guest house, though I kind of want to pretend I could live here.

Next up are some sheds and animal enclosures that I could take or leave before we get to more aerial shots. There look to be a bunch of almost-roads crisscrossing the grounds. Even if they were only graded before being abandoned, these should make good hiking paths, or a place to ride a dirt bike or quad.

Hey look, a deer! Did the real estate photographer really get this close to a wild animal while randomly traversing the property looking for view shots? I hope so. There are even more creek pictures, and the water in some of them is so substantial I’m beginning to wonder if the stream stays wet longer than I was originally assuming. We wind up with some more aerials, a close-up of some apples (there are reportedly several producing fruit and nut trees on site), and then...bobcats! They look to have been captured by some remote camera rather than in a chance encounter, but this is a good reminder to keep my housecats inside and not let the dog wander too far.

Public records list Double Barrel Ranch LLC, a Rancho Santa Fe corporation, as the owner of Rancho de Sol a Sol. The last recorded sale was in 2016 for a reported $650,000, though this only covers one 41-acre parcel of the five that comprise the whole ranch. After an unsuccessful attempt to sell last year brought no buyers with its $2.85 million asking price, the Rancho was relisted in March of this year. It was briefly in escrow from April to May, but now is available once again with an asking price of $2,195,000. If you buy the ranch, please consider hiring me to live in your guest cabin next spring while I set up a garden. You can even borrow my truck.

• 11891 Boulder Creek Road | Descanso, 91916
• Current owner: Double Barrel Ranch LLC | Listing price: $2,195,000 | Beds: 7 | Baths: 5 | House size: 10,039 sq ft