Prior to the rites, worshippers paid homage to fertility symbols from various cultures, from ancient Sumeria to the more modern Cult of Celebrity. The central statue was a super-sized (but still perfectly proportional) rendition of LA artist Daniel Edwards’ statue of pregnant Kim Kardashian. After disrobing and prostrating herself before the statue of Oester and her Rabbit Consort (right), 54-year-old North Park resident Elaine Pagan granted that she “usually likes her Easter Bunnies on the cuter, more cuddly side, but I guess when you start celebrating leporine breeding capacity, you’re dealing more with a wild hare up your…well.”
  • Prior to the rites, worshippers paid homage to fertility symbols from various cultures, from ancient Sumeria to the more modern Cult of Celebrity. The central statue was a super-sized (but still perfectly proportional) rendition of LA artist Daniel Edwards’ statue of pregnant Kim Kardashian. After disrobing and prostrating herself before the statue of Oester and her Rabbit Consort (right), 54-year-old North Park resident Elaine Pagan granted that she “usually likes her Easter Bunnies on the cuter, more cuddly side, but I guess when you start celebrating leporine breeding capacity, you’re dealing more with a wild hare up your…well.”
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NO, NOT REALLY — “Remember the fuss over the decision to change ‘Christmas on the Prado’ to ‘December Nights’?” asks Sandra Heathen-Druid. “All those people upset about taking Christ out of Christmas. But from the looks of things, Christ was already gone, and they just felt guilty about it. Because Easter is pretty much the be-all and end-all of the Christian faith, and we took that over with nary a peep. Probably because most folks don’t want to get up early on the weekend, but still.”

Heathen-Druid was referring to the San Diego fertility cult Pudendous’ “successful replacement of the 35-year-old Easter Sunrise Service at Spreckels Organ Pavilion with a fertility festival in honor of the Vernal Equinox.” “Replacement” is perhaps a little strong; the event has always been conducted by a rotating stable of churches, and next year’s Easter will once again honor the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, with services hosted by Cross Purposes Church in Vista. But Pudendous has indeed joined that stable, and hopes to conduct its rites at the Pavilion “every four years or so.”

According to Heathen-Druid, those rites involve “a lot of singing, a lot of dancing, and a lot of celebrating the vital energy that makes the sap rise and the flowers bloom. That sort of thing. So yes, we have Easter eggs and Easter baskets, just like the Christians. Well, not just like them.”

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Comments

monaghan April 20, 2018 @ 5:25 p.m.

"Stable of churches?" I thought they were all moved back to Bonsall.

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