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I want to tell my friend I’ll miss her

A poem by Alexis Rhone Fancher

Alexis Rhone Fancher is the author of How I Lost My Virginity to Michael Cohen and other heart-stab poems.
Alexis Rhone Fancher is the author of How I Lost My Virginity to Michael Cohen and other heart-stab poems.

Dying Young

  • Midnight, and again I’m chasing
  • sleep: its fresh-linen smell and
  • deep sinking, but when I close my eyes I see
  • my son, closing his eyes. I’m afraid of that dream,
  • the tape looped demise as cancer claims him.
  • My artist friend cancels her L.A. trip. Unplugs the
  • internet. Reverts to source. If cancer
  • will not let go its grip then she will
  • return its embrace. Squeeze the life out of
  • her life. Ride it for all it’s worth.`
  • By the time his friends arrive at the cabin
  • my son is exhausted, stays behind while
  • the others set out on a hike. He picks up the phone.
  • “Mom, it’s so quiet here. The air has never
  • been breathed before. It’s snowing.”
  • I put on Mozart. A warm robe. Make a pot
  • of camomile tea. The view from my 8th floor
  • window, spectacular, the sliver moon, the stark,
  • neon-smeared buildings, their windows dark.
  • Sometimes I think I am the only one not sleeping.
  • My artist friend wants to draw the rain. She
  • wants to paint her memories, wrap the canvas
  • around her like a burial shroud.
  • Tonight, a girl in a yellow dress stands below
  • my window, top lit by a street lamp, her long shadow
  • spilling into the street. She’s waiting for someone.
  • I want to tell my friend I’ll miss her.
  • I want to tell my son I understand.
  • I want to tell the girl he won’t be coming.
  • That it’s nothing personal. He died young.
  • (First published in Broadzine, 2014)

Alexis Rhone Fancher is the author of How I Lost My Virginity to Michael Cohen and other heart-stab poems (2014), State of Grace: The Joshua Elegies (2015), and the brand new, erotic, L.A.-centric collection, Enter Here (2017). She is published in The Best American Poetry 2016, Rattle, Slipstream, Plume, Nashville Review, Diode, Glass, Tinderbox, and elsewhere. Her photos are published worldwide, including the covers of Witness, Heyday, The Chiron Review, and Nerve Cowboy. A multiple Pushcart Prize and Best of the Net nominee, Alexis is poetry editor of Cultural Weekly. She lives in Los Angeles. alexisrhonefancher.com

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Alexis Rhone Fancher is the author of How I Lost My Virginity to Michael Cohen and other heart-stab poems.
Alexis Rhone Fancher is the author of How I Lost My Virginity to Michael Cohen and other heart-stab poems.

Dying Young

  • Midnight, and again I’m chasing
  • sleep: its fresh-linen smell and
  • deep sinking, but when I close my eyes I see
  • my son, closing his eyes. I’m afraid of that dream,
  • the tape looped demise as cancer claims him.
  • My artist friend cancels her L.A. trip. Unplugs the
  • internet. Reverts to source. If cancer
  • will not let go its grip then she will
  • return its embrace. Squeeze the life out of
  • her life. Ride it for all it’s worth.`
  • By the time his friends arrive at the cabin
  • my son is exhausted, stays behind while
  • the others set out on a hike. He picks up the phone.
  • “Mom, it’s so quiet here. The air has never
  • been breathed before. It’s snowing.”
  • I put on Mozart. A warm robe. Make a pot
  • of camomile tea. The view from my 8th floor
  • window, spectacular, the sliver moon, the stark,
  • neon-smeared buildings, their windows dark.
  • Sometimes I think I am the only one not sleeping.
  • My artist friend wants to draw the rain. She
  • wants to paint her memories, wrap the canvas
  • around her like a burial shroud.
  • Tonight, a girl in a yellow dress stands below
  • my window, top lit by a street lamp, her long shadow
  • spilling into the street. She’s waiting for someone.
  • I want to tell my friend I’ll miss her.
  • I want to tell my son I understand.
  • I want to tell the girl he won’t be coming.
  • That it’s nothing personal. He died young.
  • (First published in Broadzine, 2014)

Alexis Rhone Fancher is the author of How I Lost My Virginity to Michael Cohen and other heart-stab poems (2014), State of Grace: The Joshua Elegies (2015), and the brand new, erotic, L.A.-centric collection, Enter Here (2017). She is published in The Best American Poetry 2016, Rattle, Slipstream, Plume, Nashville Review, Diode, Glass, Tinderbox, and elsewhere. Her photos are published worldwide, including the covers of Witness, Heyday, The Chiron Review, and Nerve Cowboy. A multiple Pushcart Prize and Best of the Net nominee, Alexis is poetry editor of Cultural Weekly. She lives in Los Angeles. alexisrhonefancher.com

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4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
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