4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Juarez Cartel endorses Hillary Clinton for United States President

It takes a [tunnel between] village[s]

Hillary Clinton smilingly carries a bag of “imported Colombian coffee” through one of the Juarez Cartel’s many tunnels between the United States and Mexico as a sign of friendly trade relations to come. “I was really touched by her willingness to actually get down under the ground and walk with us,” says tunnel rat Ernesto Cabrillo, pictured. “I’m not a citizen of the United States, and also a convicted felon, but she's definitely getting my vote."
Hillary Clinton smilingly carries a bag of “imported Colombian coffee” through one of the Juarez Cartel’s many tunnels between the United States and Mexico as a sign of friendly trade relations to come. “I was really touched by her willingness to actually get down under the ground and walk with us,” says tunnel rat Ernesto Cabrillo, pictured. “I’m not a citizen of the United States, and also a convicted felon, but she's definitely getting my vote."

"The decision to endorse Hillary Clinton for President of the United States was not an easy one,” says Juarez Cartel head Vincente Carillo Fuentes. "Donald Trump has historically been friendly to those who share his entrepreneurial spirit, who are willing to take great risks in order to win great rewards. He is also a friend to the wealthy, and let’s face it, a substantial chunk of what we sell is aimed at the one percent. The poor we will always have with us, as Jesus says, but if Hillary raises taxes on the super rich, it might mean a shrinking market for our more premium products. Also, increased border security under a Trump administration would create additional demand for the use of our tunnels by desperate souls eager to enter the United States, which means more profit for us. And, finally, a nation that elects Donald Trump president is very much a nation looking for new ways to perceive reality. And we can help with that.

"But in the end,” continues Fuentes, "we had to go with the candidate who has proven friendly to foreign donations, who dreams of more open borders and the free exchange of goods across those borders, and who is highly unlikely to nuke Juarez. Hillary understands that we are not bad hombres, but rather, the kind of hardworking, disciplined, innovative people that America needs — now more than ever.”

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all

Previous article

ConcertsCafe launches with consumable merch

“Our plan is to mix it up a bit and provide artists a revenue channel”
Next Article

Recorded on a trial version of Garage Band

Josh Rosenblum, Wavves, SeeYouSpaceCowboy, Bathwater Babies, Jewel
Hillary Clinton smilingly carries a bag of “imported Colombian coffee” through one of the Juarez Cartel’s many tunnels between the United States and Mexico as a sign of friendly trade relations to come. “I was really touched by her willingness to actually get down under the ground and walk with us,” says tunnel rat Ernesto Cabrillo, pictured. “I’m not a citizen of the United States, and also a convicted felon, but she's definitely getting my vote."
Hillary Clinton smilingly carries a bag of “imported Colombian coffee” through one of the Juarez Cartel’s many tunnels between the United States and Mexico as a sign of friendly trade relations to come. “I was really touched by her willingness to actually get down under the ground and walk with us,” says tunnel rat Ernesto Cabrillo, pictured. “I’m not a citizen of the United States, and also a convicted felon, but she's definitely getting my vote."

"The decision to endorse Hillary Clinton for President of the United States was not an easy one,” says Juarez Cartel head Vincente Carillo Fuentes. "Donald Trump has historically been friendly to those who share his entrepreneurial spirit, who are willing to take great risks in order to win great rewards. He is also a friend to the wealthy, and let’s face it, a substantial chunk of what we sell is aimed at the one percent. The poor we will always have with us, as Jesus says, but if Hillary raises taxes on the super rich, it might mean a shrinking market for our more premium products. Also, increased border security under a Trump administration would create additional demand for the use of our tunnels by desperate souls eager to enter the United States, which means more profit for us. And, finally, a nation that elects Donald Trump president is very much a nation looking for new ways to perceive reality. And we can help with that.

"But in the end,” continues Fuentes, "we had to go with the candidate who has proven friendly to foreign donations, who dreams of more open borders and the free exchange of goods across those borders, and who is highly unlikely to nuke Juarez. Hillary understands that we are not bad hombres, but rather, the kind of hardworking, disciplined, innovative people that America needs — now more than ever.”

Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Over 85 percent of fentanyl seizures at San Diego border

Sempra greases palms of local chamber, convention bureau, San Diego Taxpayers Association
Next Article

Driving a plane on Interstate 5, buying liquor in Tijuana

Women who love heroin, Seal lover on the Silver Strand, why Dean Martin greater than Elvis
Comments
2

I'm willing to bet that someone takes this article seriously and posts it as truth. Ha

Oct. 27, 2016

It's very credible... She'll do anything for money and power.

Oct. 8, 2019

Sign in to comment

Sign in

Art Reviews — W.S. Di Piero's eye on exhibits Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Best Buys — San Diego shopping Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits City Lights — News and politics Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Famous Former Neighbors — Next-door celebs Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town Here's the Deal — Chad Deal's watering holes Just Announced — The scoop on shows Letters — Our inbox [email protected] — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Of Note — Concert picks Out & About — What's Happening Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Pour Over — Grab a cup Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Sports — Athletics without gush Street Style — San Diego streets have style Suit Up — Fashion tips for dudes Theater Reviews — Local productions Theater antireviews — Narrow your search Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Waterfront — All things ocean Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close